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Posts by lemeigeni
Name: Hai Yen
Joined: Dec 13, 2020
Last Post: Feb 9, 2021
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  

Displayed posts: 4
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lemeigeni   
Dec 13, 2020
Undergraduate / Personal statement with a focus on what you learned from and felt during an extracurricular activity [4]

Hello @scythe
Idk how to say but if I were you I would focus on describing all the effort I put on the training process for a specific competition I'd been through.

I could be not as good as others but how I tried to improve. For example, I went to the studio 2 hours sooner or went back home 3 hours later than them.

Sometimes I felt disappointed and overwhelmed due to the band's activity plus academic work but how I overcame? I calmed down, arranged things, talked to them and received big encouragement from them, etc.

And one advice for motivation letter that I find really true is "show, don't tell". Showing in details what you had done would help the committee see more clearly the way you "practiced harder than anyone else", rather than just "telling".

It was a little bit of my experience I learned from two letters of mine, one success and one failure. I hope that helps. Good luck :D
lemeigeni   
Dec 13, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 about creating housing in cities [4]

Task 2:
Some cities create housing for their growing population by providing taller buildings. Other cities create housing by building on wider areas of land.

Which solution is better?



The increasing population results in the greater need of buildings in cities. Some cities expand their housing vertically, which means they build higher houses. Others widen their lands for the purpose of creating housing. From my point of view, both of these measures are great.

Taller buildings mean more and more lands saved. Therefore, people can build a larger number of buildings, which are used for various purposes such as recreational centers, shopping malls or private ownerships. However, each floor of this type of buildings is not very spacious. For example, a lot of blocks of apartments in Hanoi is limited by space and is considered suitable for a couple rather than a family.

Unlike the former solution, expanding the areas of land allows people to have more space to design their own creative properties. For instance, people live in the flats can only have a humble garden in the balcony while the owners of private houses can own a large-sized garden with various types of plants. However, this method of creating house has disadvantages that fewer people can possess an ownership because it requires a greater use of land.

In conclusion, creating taller buildings and widening the areas of land have pros and cons as mentioned above.
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After reviewing, I can see I make a lot of errors and may not meet the first scoring criterion which is task response. But I still want to keep it as raw as possible so that I could see where I am. I'm dying for your comments and your scoring. Thank you so much.
lemeigeni   
Feb 9, 2021
Scholarship / Personal Statement for GKS's graduate studies in Communication Design University track [5]

Hello, if my memory serves me right there are 2 essays you have to write for G-GKS which are a personal statement, which aims to describe you as a person and a statement of purpose, which aims to present your study plan. I think the second half of your essay above is more like an SOP rather than a PS. You should spend it in your SOP instead and use this PS to describe you fully. Moreover, I believe you should split your bodies into 4 separate paragraphs following the guidelines so that the readers can easily follow and don't misunderstand your purpose of writing.
lemeigeni   
Feb 9, 2021
Scholarship / The Trip - Global UGRAD Program application essay - Why Participate? [2]

Essay 1: The Global UGRAD Program is for young leaders committed to serving their home communities.
Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?


I have a keen interest in learning foreign languages and exploring different cultures and destinations. I believe language is the key to bridging the gaps between different cultures and making our world a global village. I wish to become a polyglot and now I can speak basic Chinese and Korean besides English and I will continue to conquer many other languages.

My dream of developing my hometown's economy and my interest led me to attend my current major at my university. The curriculum presents me to the important role of logistics and supply chain management (SCM) in an economy and the existing difficulties in our logistics industry, which are the lack of quality human resources and the incredibly high cost in logistics services. Therefore, I am determined to work in this field in the future and contribute my effort to solve the problem.

I set my first steps towards my dream by creating a community page. My idea is to provide students with more exposure to the field of logistics and build a community connecting logistics enthusiasts. I believe it is the content that will keep the visitors stay with my community. I thought of sections that I would like to cover on my page and started posting valuable information and opportunities that I have access to. After 2 weeks with some quality content on my page, I introduced my idea in a group of my class and attracted the first followers. The chance to gain credit and grow my community came when a follower having to find a case study about disclaimer of the carrier in sea freight and analyse it for her assignment but she couldn't find it anywhere so she inboxed my page for help. Taking advantage of my research skills, my experience and knowledge and my network, I finally found an actual case and instructed her on general analysis as well. She was so appreciative that she advertised my page with lots of her friends and it caught on gradually by the word of mouth. I also found 2 moderators who are very professional and passionate to develop the community with me. My small community grew gradually but firmly, until now I have attracted over 200 followers with the reach for every post always over 80%.I was so grateful as well, because by helping others I received a lot - knowledge and skills sharpened, community developed and passion connected. I hope my small community will lay the groundwork for the core national workforce in the logistics sector.

After the process of learning and working, I realise that to minimize the logistics cost, enterprises have to optimize their logistics system and put it into a systematic process. However, the practice is not easy since Vietnam's logistics industry is still young and incomplete. Therefore, I desire to study in America to gain insights into its business because America is the leader in logistics industry with the world's leading logistics companies. I believe I can cultivate my innovative mindset during my stay in America and return home with disruptive solutions. After graduation, I want to start a logistics firm with a global vision and contribute benefits to the national economy. I plan to build a group of enthusiastic people who share the same passion and don't fear challenges and we will mentor the younger generation. By that way, I can solve the existing difficulties and realize my country's vision to become a developed economy by 2045. I'm also willing to contribute to the international community by sharing my insights into logistics in the context of a developing country. Regarding my personal growth, the Global UGRAD program offers me chances to explore the American culture, society and motivation to become a global leader. I believe I will be more confident, open-minded and inspirational after this life-changing trip. Moreover, I can meet like-minded friends from many parts of the world, enjoy their cultures, learn their languages and share my country's wealthy traditional culture and unique cuisine with the world.

After the trip, I plan to organize periodic specialized webinars, and if fundraising enough, language and cultural exchange events in my hometown, to connect my passionate international friends and friends in my country, let the knowledge and experience I gained in the U.S. continue to spread.

I acknowledge that the acceptance to the Global UGRAD Program will come with obligations and responsibilities. I assure that I will grasp this opportunity to better myself, better my home community and keep on disseminating the values, the lessons that I have learnt on my future journeys.

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Thank you in advance for reviewing my essays. I really appreciate all of your valuable comments.
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