Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2 Essay about main purpose of school and university [3]

Hi everyone, this is my first IELTS essay posted on this forum. Could you please give me some feedbacks on this work? Sincere thanks for your help.

Topic:
Some people think that the main purpose of school and university education should be to prepare people for work. Others, however, think that the true role of education is to make us better citizens.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is often argued that school and higher education should play a role in teaching individuals to be ready for careers, while others feel it is more essential to teach students how to be upstanding members of the community. This essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favor of the latter.

There are several reasons why students need to develop job-related skills and qualifications in schools and colleges. To begin with, if individuals can gain work qualifications before graduating, they will have more opportunities to meet the demand of employers. As a result, pupils are more likely to acquire job offers after graduation, which enables them to earn salaries to support themselves. Furthermore, some professional careers need graduates with work qualifications from universities. Take a doctor as an example, a person must complete a bachelor's degree as well as attend medical school for many years to become a fully qualified doctor.

In contrast, education should not be limited to a strict focus on preparation for work; instead, young individuals should also learn to engage in society. First of all, school is the best place to acquire the concept of citizenship. The reason is that the relationship with classmates and teachers is similar to the interaction with different members of a community. Through learning to interact with classmates, students can easily build relationships with other citizens after graduation, which is benefical to their life when they need guidance. Additionally, assisting students with developing effective citizenship can benefit society in the long term. For instance,

research has shown that youth who are engaged in their communities are less likely to use drugs and alcohol, less likely to drop out of school, and less likely to be involved in criminal behaviour.

In conclusion, although it is undeniable that education should prepare young people for work, I believe educating them how to be active members of society is equally necessary.

Thank you very much!

Writing Feedback / Internet has brought people closer together while others think people are becoming more isolated [2]

Essay about technology

An increasing number of people are now using the internet to meet new people and socialise. Some people think this has brought people closer together while others think people are becoming more isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is widely acknowledged that the Internet has transformed the way that people communicate with others. Some argued that people are more likely to feel lonely, while others claimed that the internet enables individuals to connect closely. This essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favor of the latter.

It might be claimed that the massive usage of smartphones and social media could contribute to loneliness. The main reason is people often pay attention to their mobile phones rather than engage in face-to-face interaction with a friend who sits next to them, which poses a threat to relationships in real life. According to the latest study conducted by the ministry of health in Taiwan, one-third of people suffered from mental illness, such as loneliness, because of addiction to social media.

In contrast, there are several reasons why the internet is considered beneficial to socialize. To begin with, it allows people to contact others regardless of geographical distance. That is to say, because of the development of the internet, people can easily send a message or a mail to their friends or relatives who live in different cities, or even other nations. Facebook, for example, enables users to chat or have a free call to their friends around the world, which helps to cultivate friendships. Moreover, owing to social networking, single people can simply have a date with each other and foster romantic relationships. For example, in 2019 it was reported in The New York Times that over 30% of Americans have met their partner online.

In conclusion, although it is undeniable that the internet may make people feel a sense of isolation in some ways, I believe that if people use it properly, they will develop intimate relationships and connections.