Undergraduate / "from Singapore to Shanghai" - Apply Texas ESSAY [3]

HI i m currently applying to UT austin, and this is the essay that i m suppose to write. plz give some advices, and how i can improve on it.

this is the prompt:
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

This is my essay:

I grew up in a family with one brother and one sister, and moved from Singapore to Shanghai, China few years ago. In Shanghai, I studied in an international school where I made a lot of friends and lead a happy life. Life has been smooth, enjoyable, and fun, until a small incident changed everything.

Two years ago, my friend Jason gave me a basketball as a birthday present, which introduced me to this great sport. Ever since, I trained during my free time and gradually became good at basketball. All of my friends thought that I am good at basketball, and should praised me for my ball handling skills and suggested me to try out for the school team. Thus, I signed up for the tryout.

On the day of the tryout, however, things did not turn out the way I expected. During the game, I did not perform as well as usual; I missed a lot of shots and had a lot of turnovers Jason on the other hand, played wonderfully. A few days later, I was informed by the coach that I was not selected for the school team, Jason was. Although happy for Jason, I felt very dispirited because of my own failure, and the thought of giving up basketball aroused in my mind. For several days, I felt depressed and chose to escape from the truth abstaining from playing basketball. It took me a long time to realize my mistake.

During the times when I was sad, Jason was always by my side supporting me, telling me not to quit the sport that I was passionate about. He spent his lunch break walking around the track with me and told me of some of the setbacks that he faced and how he solved them. Every time we had a conversation, Jason would say. "Giving up is the worst choice people can make in their lives", and thus, I should never abandon a sport that I had passion in so easily.

Jason's speech gave me the courage and confidence to accept the fact that I didn't make the tryout for the school team. I realized that quitting a sport simply because of a minor failure is pitiful. As a result, I started to play basketball again.

One day, Jason approached me and told me to join the second tryout for the second selection of the basketball team. I hesitated, afraid that I would not make the team. Jason, knowing my worry, told me that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and that I should not miss it.

Jason's indispensable support influenced me to be a person who would not give up easily, and be persistent in anything I do. His character paved way for me to become a stronger character in life. What he said would always influence and motivate me.

What he said would always influence and motivate me. I would never forget such a great friend.
Even though our path might never cross again, I will always remember Jason and the confidence and perseverance that he instilled in me.

Undergraduate / massive Earthquake on May 12th 2008, Apply texas essay B [2]

This is the prompt
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

This is my essay:

China's Si Chun province Wen Chun County suffered from a massive Earthquake on May 12th 2008. This Earthquake caused millions of people to become homeless, and the whole county was blown to bits. The next day, newspapers, and internet all reported about this massive Earthquake. Pictures showing the miserable situation were also posted over the internet and newspapers.

The incident had a great impact on me, and my community. Every where I go, I heard people taking about the incident, some people was crying, and some were praying. When I saw that, I became very upset, as I was not able to help those victims who had died and suffered through the earth quake. It also resulted in many of the Chinese students missing their chance of "GaoKao"; an examination that determines whether if they could go to university to receive better education.

"GaoKao" is seen to many Chinese in SiChun as a life saving strategy, for them to get out of poverty, as many of them are poor farmers. It is also a chance that grants them a higher education chance. The earthquake, by destroying the building, takes away the opportunity for the test, and takes away their chance of receiving higher education. This piece of news shocked me; and strong sympathy and will towards helping the victims of the earthquake was also building up inside me. I decided to help the victims to rebuild their homeland, and help them to regain their chance of "GaoKao"

The opportunity came when our school organized a charity that helps the victims who survived from this Earthquake. Many other charities, performing opportunities were also set up around my community, and in Shanghai, to help the victims to rebuild their schools, so that they could have the chance to take their "GaoKao" again.

I participated effectively in many of the charities funding program, and performing opportunities, as I wanted to help the Chinese who suffered in the catastrophe get back their chance of "GaoKao". The only way to do that is to raise money to rebuild the schools. I organized a charity fund raising program, and at the same time, promote the importance of education towards the society.

This issue is important to me, my friends, family and community, as it not only killed many people, but at the same time, it had a negative impact on the education, which is the lifesaver of many poor people in SiChun. The issue made me reflect on my personal education background, and I realize that education is important, as it will pave way for me in the future.

Plz give some advice and comments. Thanks
Alex

Scholarship / The field of accounting + paid experience + scholarship action - Syracuse Essay [4]

HI i have also decided to apply to syracuse uni, and these r some of its essays

1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?

When the financial crises struck China in 2008, millions of people suffered from losing their jobs, and losing money in investments in real estates, shares, and bonds. Companies in China went bankrupt and closed down, and many of my friends suffered because their parents lost their job.

My family, just like many of my friends, was affected by the financial crises severely. Many of their family lost large sum of moneys in investments on real estates. I was also told that my Father had a salary cut, and his job was at risk. All of a sudden, my dream for a new iPod is gone, and I received no more allowance. Once in a while, I would see my mother analyzing the expenses account of our family, and the expression on her face tells me that our financial status is not good.

I had always wanted to help my mum on analyzing the expenses account of our family, as this is part of my duty as I am the oldest son in the family. In the Chinese culture, the oldest son has the responsibilities to help their parents, or they would be seen as not filial to their parents. I also wanted to help my mum to work on the account expenses of my family, because I believe that it is a good chance for me to gain experiences about the job of an accountant, and at the same time, learn how to be a more responsible person. This arouses my passion of being an accountant in the future.

I started to look for colleges that provide accounting programs, and Syracuse University stood out to me. The Joseph I Lubin School of Accounting at Syracuse University has an accounting program that provides the students with a variety of working opportunities with famous firms such as KPMG. This will provide me with the opportunity gain working experience in the field of accounting, and hence, it will better prepare me for the future. Syracuse University will also prepare students to enter the accounting field with passion, dedication, and creativity.

I believe through studying at Syracuse University, I am able to have a greater knowledge towards the field of accounting, especially under the current circumstance, when the unprecedented economic crisis is enervating our society and affecting everyone, the importance of accounting becomes increasingly manifest for everybody to pull though this hardship.

2. If you have had paid work experience, what skills and/or knowledge did you gain?

During the summer holiday of my junior year, I took up a job as a teacher, teaching my neighbor's child Jack how to play the piano. I took up this job, as I wanted to let more people know more about music, and understand more about music. I worked 2 hours a day, 2 days per week, while at the same time, preparing for my senior year.

Patience and perseverance are two factors that I learnt. During my process of teaching, Jack would always request me to teach him new songs. But, I refused every time he requested, and told him that commitment and patience are very important, if he wants to learn piano well. I told Jack that only by being committed to piano, he is going to improve, and play as well as me. I told him that patience is another important factor, as he would have to take time to practice, in order to improve.

After my explanation, Jack decided to learn pieces by pieces. After the summer, Jack has improved on his piano skills, and as a teacher, I am very proud of him and myself, and I feel that I have done a great job.

The job provided me with an opportunity to come in contact with the society, and by taking up this job, I learnt skills that I did not learn before. Communication is another important skill I learnt through the job. I leant that it is very important to communicate with others, as communication is able to let Jack and I understand more about each other, and also learn the right strategy to communicate with others. Through communication, I am able to understand more about Jack's culture, and the way he thinks.

My job gave me the mentality of being in a different community, and the different methods of communicating, and also interacting with others. It also opened a new window for me, where it provided me with the opportunity to come in contact with different people of the world, and make me understand more about it. My job has prepared me to be a more matured person, and prepared me to be a better person in the society.