Undergraduate / Essay for UT: "neighbor" named Nora; who has made an impact on your life [2]

Hi,

The promt is:

Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important.

I am a cancer survivor and wrote my essay on one of the friends I met at the Children's Cancer Hospital at MD Anderson. I would like to know if its on point or strays from the prompt and if there is anything I could do to improve it. Also is it too long? It is about 730 words. The paragraphs are seperated by the double spaces.

Thank you so much.

Here is my essay:

I remember when my life was unexpectedly changed for the better very vividly. I was coming back from my nightly walk around the G-9 inpatient unit of M.D. Anderson. I was almost back to my room, where I had been living for nearly a month, when I noticed that the room next to me was now occupied. As I got closer, I noticed she was a young petit girl with dark hair and an olive complexion. I would learn in the coming weeks that my new "neighbor" was named Nora. She was only twelve years old, but she would leave a lasting impression upon me that I will never forget.

I was a newly diagnosed patient at the Children's Cancer Hospital, and Nora was a veteran of nearly ten years. She had been diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia when she was just two years old and since then she had relapsed two times and endured one stem cell transplant. Unfortunately, she wasn't back this time for routine tests, but because she had relapsed again for the third time. She would need another stem cell transplant.

To most this would come as a devastating shock, but Nora was different. She responded to the news of her relapse with, "Okay, what do we need to do now to beat it?" That was just Nora. Her demeanor was always positive and delightful. Her spirit was unbreakable. Every single day she would find hundreds of things to be thankful for amidst all her misfortunes. Brave didn't even begin to describe her in any sense. She had a cheerful attitude, instinctive kindness, and sincere nature that put a spark and energy into the lives of those whom she touched. Her laugh was so infectious, just the sound of it would make you smile uncontrollably. She always said please and thank you, even when it was to a nurse giving her a shot. Nora loved video games, especially Rock Band, which we would play into all hours of the night despite our nurses yelling at us to get back to our rooms and to go to sleep. There was a defining point in our relationship where I realized I was not talking to a twelve year old, but a thirty year old trapped in a twelve year olds body. I recall asking her if she was worried about undergoing such a risky treatment, and she replied with, "Worry? I don't like the word worry. I never worry because it gets you no where. If I worry, it won't change the fact that my cancer is back. It's completely useless and pointless." From that point on, I adopted her quote as my motto. It couldn't be more true. Worrying wouldn't change the fact that I had cancer, and it sure would not make it disappear. Nora had courage that most people strive for, but never attain. She made sure she never left anyone without a smile. Her example pushed me to become the person I am today and taught me to take as much as you can from every single day because you never know when it could all end.

Despite all her effort and while enduring high dose chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant, Nora passed away. In her death that I realized she and so many others like her had fought so hard their whole entire life and in the end lost. It was from that moment that I began to make every single moment count for every single child that had fought so bravely for so long, but in the end lost their battle with cancer. I know what a luxury life is now thanks to them. I was suddenly so thankful, even for the privilege to have my intense chemotherapy treatments, something I typically would dread. She has completely changed my outlook on life, for the better. I was once bitter that I had Lymphoma, but am now thankful, because without it I would have never met Nora. I can now be truly happy with myself and my life.

Although our friendship was short lived, she has inspired me for the rest of my life. Never will I take advantage of life again. I am now on a mission to live my life to the fullest, inspire all of those around me with my enthusiasm for life, and to appreciate every moment just as it is.

Undergraduate / "Issue of Underfunding Pediatric Cancer Research" UTAustin Essay 2 [3]

Hi,

The essay prompt is:

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

I chose underfunding of pediatric cancer research, as I am a cancer survivor.

The essay is rather short and fact heavy. Do you think it has too many numbers/facts? Did I properly cover the prompt completely? Grammar errors? Vocabulary too simplistic? Do I need to add to the conclusion? Any and all input desired. THANKS!

Here is my essay: I seperated the paragraphs by double spacing.

Pediatrics in the medical word constitutes children ages zero to twenty-one. Childhood cancer is the number one killer of children. This year approximately 3,000 children will die of childhood cancer. Another 35,000-40,000 will be in some kind treatment for childhood cancer. I am one of those tens of thousands of children who are in treatment for childhood cancer. I was diagnosed with an advanced stage rare Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma in 2008. Even though my survival rate is in my favor, it is not the greatest. I have a seventy percent survival rate after five years. The National Cancer Institute is the Nation's principal agency for cancer research. The government allots cancer research funding to the National Cancer Institute. This year the NCI's federal budget for cancer research was $4.6 billion. Of that $4.6 billion, all twelve major groups of pediatric cancers combined received less than 3%. Under funding is major issue for all cancers -- pediatric and adult alike-- but this issue is especially troublesome for pediatrics.

Cancer funding budgets have been cut fiscally by three percent overall in the past five years due to finically uncertain times in our Nation. Cancer funding is one of the first things to be cut, time after time when it comes to the budget deficit. So many people are burdened with this disease, yet a cure is yet to be found because lack of research due to funding. Remarkable strides have been made in the adult cancer realm with new innovative treatments and understanding of how cancer cells work. But what about pediatrics? Is a child's leukemic cancer cell the exact same as an adults? Do they multiply in the exact same ways? Cancer research needs desperately to be funded in order to figure out these questions and ones similar to them. In lymphoma there is Hodgkin's disease accounting for most of the lymphoma childhood cancers. Then there is Non-Hodgkin's disease which has thirty two sub-types all different in aggressiveness and the ways they spread. That is thirty-three different types of cancer in lymphoma alone. There are multiple types of leukemia and brain tumors as well. There are twelve different types of cancer -- that is not including each ones sub-type. Pediatrics desperately needs just as much funding as adult cancers.

Recently, The Caroline Pryce Walker Conquer Childhood Cancer Act passed. It authorizes $30 million annually over five years, providing funding for pediatric cancer clinical trials research, for the creation of a population-based national childhood cancer database, and to further improve public awareness and communication regarding available treatments and research for children with cancer. The act was passed, but the funding is not being given in its entirety. Only one million dollars is being given this year. When is it ever going to end? Finally when a stride of some sort is made and an act is passed, the funding is not given.

Children are our future. If we do not begin by protecting them, what will result of our world?