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Posts by nemesis01
Joined: Dec 13, 2009
Last Post: Dec 31, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 7  
From: Pakistan

Displayed posts: 9
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nemesis01   
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / "we need to learn how to think" -comm [6]

hi guys, plz look into my essay and tell me if it sounds alright.I would be very thankful to you.
Here goes.
'If an all-powerful, all-knowing God existed, why wouldn't he show himself to all of us?' I asked my Maulvi Sahib (read: religious instructor) when I was a little over four and before I knew it, he slapped me and ordered me to ask for forgiveness. The instructor called my mother and admonished her that these questions could one day amount to me becoming an apostate. Back home, my mother warned me against uttering such atheistic questions. I promised but my question lingered on.

I was born inquisitive, but when my father remarked at my question about why a pan of water eventually evaporated that what I needed to comprehend the answer was at least a brain 10 years more mature, I also became answer seeking (does this example sound too superficial?). As I grew up, only my questions became more complex. Before I used to wonder about why people in South Pole do not hang down from ground but now I deliberate over why the square of the time period is proportional to the cube of the body which is in circular motion. Somewhere along the way I found that the answer to the latter question is the same as the answer to my childhood question that somewhere a supreme being wants us to believe in him by seeing the perfection all around him not because some grim old man wants us to. I consider myself fortunate that I believe in God because my mind has convinced me of the presence of a supreme being.

Living in a society where asking questions about religion is considered a taboo, I have always been scorned for questioning religious values (does questioning religious values sound like something bad?). I was once being impressed upon by my uncle of the importance of keeping a beard to a young Muslim to which I retorted that Islam might contain beard but a beard does not contain Islam and I had difficulty imagining God kicking people in hell because they shaved their facial hair. Make no mistakes reader: I am a proud and committed Muslim. I believe in Allah but I do not believe in praying five times a day just to make a show of piety. I unreservedly support Jihad as in standing against what is wrong but I also believe that denouncing the self-styled Mujahideens who kill innocent people is the best Jihad. I consider performing Salah (prayers) to be equally rewarded by God whether it is said in Shalwar Kameez or Pants and a shirt.

I do not consider the people of my country to be lacking, whether intellectually or morally. We respect our elders, are extremely hospitable to our guests, care for our next-door neighbor who might be facing financial hardship while getting his daughter married and give away our pocket money so that the maids in our homes can pay his son's school fees while still managing straight A* average and achieving world distinctions. However, I do believe that we need to learn how to think critically and not take everything for granted. After obtaining my degree, I want to come back and help the people of my country to over come that little problem so they can become quintessential citizens.(does this ending sound too preachy,boring and self absorbed?)
nemesis01   
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / "we need to learn how to think" -comm [6]

Yes I was thinking along the same lines about the ending. but what I want to say is that Jihad does not mean to kill people. It means to stand up against anything wrong but I do not think that the mujahideens are actually standing against anything wrong , on the contrary, they are creating a wrong.Dunno how to get that across. Could you tell me how to phrase it?

n thanyou so much for your help
nemesis01   
Dec 16, 2009
Undergraduate / "we need to learn how to think" -comm [6]

Thanks Kevin. That was pretty encouraging but my Guidance counsellor was very unapproving of the essay and asked me to never send it in a hundred years. Sp I guess I may have to write it again.
nemesis01   
Dec 24, 2009
Undergraduate / My Common App essay - going to Princeton, Yale, Williams, Tufts, et al. [6]

HEY!I have to say I have fallen in love with your essay. It is beautiful but one thing which desperstely needs to improve, as Katsch said, is to make the realtionship between you and Tilly more explicit and to keep the essay's novelty,make the relationship explicit in the end so that it stays as engaging as it is.
nemesis01   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / 'going to take a toll on your health' - My princeton summer essay [6]

Hi all! I wanted to know that Princeton says to describe my summer but I thought I would do it with a twist. I start by adding this fortune teller's prediction which I prove to be wrong later in a letter. Does that sound right or too dandy?

1st April 2008
Dear Virgo!
This summer is going to take a toll on your health. You will be left emaciated and weak. This summer is going to be tough on your academic record. You will not be able to follow you passions and would be forced to do many things against your will. Many of your wishes will not be fulfilled so beware of the summer!

Fortune teller

1st October 2008
Dear fortune teller!
After my O levels papers,.... ... ... ....
Yours sincerely,
Ali Kiani
nemesis01   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Amherst College Supplemental Essay - Swimming Up [5]

hey you wrote an excellent essay. I was hooked which I do not to every essay so that says something but what I think is you should include even more on struggles/difficulties/hardships you faced while moving up in the ranks.

Hope that helps.
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