Undergraduate / "a written test on soccer" - Harvey Mudd College; Supplement essay [2]

What influenced you to apply to Harvey Mudd College? What about the HMC curriculum and community appeals to you?

"For this final, you have a written test on soccer," said my P.E. teacher, Mr. Pfaffman to the group of students sitting evenly on basketball court. While Mr. Pfaffman handed out the test, I quickly put my study guide away underneath my binder that I used for holding up my test. Soon after, there were only two people on the court while the rest of the class was playing soccer in a lower field. I was one of two people left in the court with Mr. Pfaffman. I stared at the test to recall my photographic memory of the study guide under my binder. 'Think, think, and think!' repeated I as if it was my last wish for the day. But, I could not resist looking over the study guide when Mr. Pfaffman was talking to another P.E. teacher. In next five minute, I turned my test in and walked away to join the rest of my class.

Before the last class of second trimester was ended next day, Mr. Pfaffman proudly acclaimed that I scored the highest on the test. I could not leave the class with a heavy heart. I walked into Mr. Pfaffman's office. "Hi, Shinhwa," he welcomed me, "what can I do for you?" "Mr. Pfaffman," I slowly opened my lips and confessed in a faint voice, "there is...something you ...should know. I...cheated on the test." "Shinhwa, I am glad that you told me the truth," said Mr. Pfaffman with a smile, "I know that you are still struggling with English." I was surprised by an unexpected reaction. "Because I trust you, I will reward your honesty by not changing the grade. But, there is a one condition," continued Mr. Pfaffman, "you will come to my office three times a week at lunch to do your homework. I will help you."

Although I was no longer in P.E. in third trimester, I spent my lunch doing homework in Mr. Pfaffman's office. He was not bothered to explain what Manifest Destiny is or to tell me what happened in a book, Esperanza. He was happy with my improvements. It is not too much to say that he was the like a repairman of my motives. Thus, I like plentiful chances to meet with professors who are willing to help students out at Harvey Mudd College that believes in cooperation. I could consider it my second chance to conduct my honesty and responsibility under the Honor Code.

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how does this sound like?
I am not sure if I corporated my story with the prompt and why I REALLLY want to get into this college.... any suggestions?

and I probably have tons of grammatical errors.... can you fix it for me?

Thank you!!!!

Undergraduate / "Cherry on Top" - why brown? - Brown Supplement [8]

Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?

"Okay. I'll see you at Cherry on Top by the school," said I as I hung up the phone. Cherry on Top, a frozen yogurt place where customers could create their own yogurt, is one of my favorite comfortable places to hang out. Several ice cream machines, each containing different flavors, are lined up against a green wall. A topping cart next to the machines is piled up with fruits and nuts. This Cherry on Top differentiated with other stores by placing an assistant who mainly helps customers with process.

Brown University, particularly the Division of Engineering, is the place where I could design my own curriculum to taste different areas of engineering. Brown values independence and responsibility of students, but, will never allow me to leave without a solid foundation for my potential career. Under the core curriculum, I would be flexible to engage in interdisciplinary research project under the control of the Materials Research Science and Engineering Center, such as one that focuses more on biology, the micromechanics on cell adhesion, also known as the SEED project. Brown will be the place to discover, architect, and expand my true intellectual love.

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I am not sure about the last paragraph addressing why brown is the place for me...
Help!!! thank you!!!

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I was trying to show that Brown is like my favorite place that I want to go all the time and trying to explain because Brown, like the yogurt shop, has various goood programs (maybe I should explain or list some) and offers help with advising groups as the yogurt shop has an assistant for the customers.

The final message(the most important message I wanted to say) was that because Brown lets me choose and be responsible for my choice among various program ... I lost myself....

Undergraduate / Supplement essays for Brown's engineering; '\I was not born to be an engineer' [3]

PROMPTS
To be completed by applicants whose primary interest is Engineering; please address each question seperately. We also suggest limiting your total response to 500 words.

1. Many applicatns to collge are unsure about eventual majors. What factors led you to an interest in the field of engineering?
2. What experiences beyond school work have broadened your interest in Engineering?
3. Brwon offers programs in Biomedical, Chemical, Civil, Computer, Electrical, Materials, and Mechanical Engineering. Because there is a common core curriculum within Engineering, students need not select a specific area until their junior year. we are curious to know, however, if any particular program within Engineering presently appeals to you. If so, please discuss that choice

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The prompt itself it really long.
I just wanted some feedback about the content and grammatical errors!
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!
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Not to disappoint anyone, but I was not born to be an engineer - for fifteen years of my life, at least. I have none of the usual Big Artillery: I am not a boy, or fascinated with computers; have never played with Lego blocks, watched transformers in my childhood, or participated in any science fairs in elementary school. My hatred against math and science was embedded in me ever since I failed to understand the concept of functions. However, my first engineering experience in ROP Rapid Product Development class changed my whole entire view of the world of engineering.

In this newly created class, I experienced what it was like to be an engineer in a similar environment of being the only female student in the class. Because it was the first time using the 3D program, my teacher, Mr. Musgrove and I learned by trial and error. I started the tutorial out with making a simple dice. I took measurements on the actual model. I designed my own dice in Solidworks, printed it out in 3D printer that used the fine powder, and laid it out on the paper. As the project got complicated, I divided and worked on different parts and assembled it altogether at the end. My outstanding design confronted the disadvantage of being the only girl. By the end of the year, an old-fashioned flashlight, a Mickey Mouse light switch cover, an adjustable car rack for every SUV joined my product collection. Eventually, I spent most of my time working on project and wanted to pursue my career in the field of engineering.

Volunteering in Discovery Science Center also strengthened my enthusiasm toward engineering. For Women Explorers workshop series, I helped Jackie Jaron, an aerospace engineer who currently works for Northrop Grumman, with her presentation. When she told the audience how she became an engineer and her trainings in NASA's "Weightless Wonders," my heart was pounding like a steam engine as I imagined myself in the similar picture. Although her lecture was about less than an hour long, my dream of becoming one like her was determined.

Although I am open to all areas of engineering, mechanical engineering presently appeals to me. There is so much I could explore in mechanical engineering ranging from automotive to manufacturing. It is particularly fascinating because I could leave a greater impact with a little detailed idea while working with machineries used in daily basis.