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Posts by sakeloga
Joined: Dec 29, 2009
Last Post: Jan 13, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 14  
From: China

Displayed posts: 17
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sakeloga   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay - Who has Influenced You & Issue of Importance [3]

When I read your essays, I can definitely feel that you cherish the past and feel sad about the divorce. This is good, making this essay stand out from the narrative essays.

But yes, I agree with Roraig. This is a college admission essay, show yourself is the first priority than telling them a story. Maybe you can cut the second paragraph of the first essay shorter. Why? Becuase that paragraph focuses on your background, not YOU. There are some other parts of the essay that you can definitely cut short. I think this website will help you:

erraticimpact.com/cyberedit/lt_selecting.html

If I were you, I will choose the first essay because it is easier to expand on. However, if you learned more from the second incident, then go on and stick with the second essay. Just Make sure that you convey YOURSELF in the essay that you will turn in.
sakeloga   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU Supplement - Multiple Prompts + Topic Ideas [12]

Hello! Your other essays are good enough for me. But I have a concern over the one day with a New Yorker essay. I can tell that you are trying to connect it to business world...but the ending seems like you are going to save the society and even the world. Good imagination though, I can't deny! But I suggest you can rewrite your answer to this question with further reference to the question: ONE DAY in New York, with one New Yorker, what will you do. So instead of "to help our society progress pass its current problems" it may be better to deal with a specific problem inside New York, or some other actions that relate directly to NY.

So my point now is...try to focus more on the topic for that essay.

Best Wishes!
sakeloga   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU: movie 2050, anticipated academic program, short poem, New Yorker, summer [9]

Thank You for helping! These are my supplement essays for NYU. I will turn them in tomorrow, so I really need help to check my work!

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

The quote by John C. Maxwell- "A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them" appears when I think of this question. The business world is a labyrinth with many entries and exits and no one has the map that indicates the best route. People can find themselves facing forks in the path and blind alleys in a maze; they too confront decision-making points and crisis in the commerce world. The unpredictable nature of businesses may smother some people's interests, but not mine. Fond of problem-solving, I can't wait to confront the questions and challenges offered in the business world. I am eager to throw myself into the maze now.

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.

Movie Name: Lesson from the Past

The movie begins with a snapshot of an international school, in the year 2004. On the third floor of the building, a boy is timidly knocking the door. The main character is learning, everyday, from the clashes between his belief system and those of his teachers. Eventual transformation to an active member of school didn't satisfy him-his eagerness to explore the world outside was ever so strong.

At age 22, he devoted himself to the business world with exuberance, but reality knocked him down-his zealous heart was extinguished. The shy boy at the beginning re-emerged, not due to naïveté, but frustration. At the worst days, he underwent an epiphany, and learned to solve problems with his experiences in the international school.

The movie ends with a quote from the real main character: "cherish your past: it's the wisdom that helps you through the darkest hours".

Short Poem (less than 8 lines):

Stinky Tofu
The aroma can be heaven or hell,
When you smell, you know it's stinky tofu.
Milky and soft inner core; golden and crispy outer shell,
When you bite, you know it's stinky tofu.

The belief is both Confucianism and Individualism,
When you meet, you know I'm Chunghan
Sedulous and prudent attitude; optimistic and inspirational value,
When you interact, you know I'm Chunghan

A part of the Taiwanese culture,
With discrepant elements that blend well:
I am stinky tofu.

Love it or hate it,
You'll never forget it.

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone - past or present, fictional or non-fictional - who is generally associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York City.)

New York has been known for its business activity, so I want to learn the city in a different perspective that can only be perceived through the guidance of a virtuoso, who I will choose Mr. Calvin Klein.

The day will be started with a typical New-Yorker styled breakfast (fast-foods) to adjust my pace to a New-Yorker's. I will stay mostly in Manhattan, to drench myself in the prosperous and busy atmosphere of business activities. At the same time, Mr. Calvin will introduce me the artistic aspects of the city-from the brilliantly-designed skyscrapers that shock my five senses to the peacefully-magnificent Central Park that relaxes me down.

This day will not only involve me into the culture of New York, but also teach me the beauty of the city that foreigners usually fail to recognize.

In addition to any work you listed above, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.

Throughout the summer, I exercised every afternoon, especially playing basketball with my friends. For my academic performance, I went to cram school to study for SAT and finished some IB essays, such as Extended Essay and World Lit essays. I also tutored a 4th grade local child in Xiamen who aimed to study abroad.

For the poem, I exceeded the 8 lines limit, so I must cut some lines short?
And for the anticipated academic program, do I need to focus more on NYU?

Constructive criticisms welcomed. Sugestions appreciated! I will also be glad to help in return! Thank You.
sakeloga   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / U Va app: Elaborate Activity--emceeing; LoTF that challanged me; Favorite Word [7]

Hello, here are my application essays for University of Virginia.
I am looking forward to constructive criticisms! By the way, I posted two of the three essays before but got deleted :( so I neeed to restart and ask for help again.

Elaborate one of the activities in less than 150 wordsSpeaking in front of people, I embarked on what my friends called 'mission impossible'. Being an emcee, I was obligated for smooth progression of the show, and now I must keep audiences' attention focused on the stage. Right before I yelled 'be quiet', which I knew could only suppress the noise for five minutes, a notion, which originated from my interaction with my friends, appeared. Instead of admonishment, I decided to reward those that follow my instructions a small gift. After I declared my plan, a surprising scene occurred: chatters died down, squirms settled, and distractions ceased, and the room remained quiet since then, except waves of applause after each performance.

This activity was more than a simple hosting of a show; I learned something that the audiences, who were seeking for the gift, failed to realize: Good solutions are not intuitive responses; they require more sophisticated thoughts and creativities.

What is your favorite word and why?
The complicated yet aesthetic Chinese character,凝, is my favorite word. The character has several physical to abstract meanings in Chinese.
In chemistry this character describes the process which each particle slows the pace of bouncing and bumping and gradually sticks onto each other, forming one substance that remains steady. This process can be treated figuratively to refer to a person changing from agitation to tranquility; it is a wonderful replacement for the hackneyed expression 'calming down'. Throughout my life, I have experienced numerous circumstances when I needed to chill down to overcome difficulty and thus learned the importance of facing problems with a more '凝' approach.

Whenever an unforgettable event takes place, from a basketball championship game to a small embracement with lover, everyone will experience '凝': It is when everything moves so slowly that the time seems to pause, and the perceptions are so sensitive that they seem to capture every detail being, and engrave it deeply into the memory. Being a public speaker for some years, I underwent countless moments of '凝'-from my first presentation to my speech in front of hundreds of people. Enchanted with such feeling, I believe the value of my life is embodied in the moments that '凝' occurs.

凝 fascinates me not only because it is a beautifully written character or a unique word, but also it is a representation of my characteristics, a microcosm of my belief in my life.

What work of art, music science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettles, or challenged you, and in what way?
Written in a period of desperation, the values in the book-Lord of the Flies- cruelly clash with my notions which form in the period of dreams. Whenever I read the last two pages of the novel, I can't stop myself wondering-is my belief system wrong? This conflict is especially significant when it comes to the topic of leadership.

I am connected to the book through the mirror image of myself in the novel-Ralph; I was marveled of the similarities between us-the confidence, the providence, and the inspirational power. Trusting our shared qualities, I naively expected a happy-ever-after ending for the story.

Two weeks later, the storyline reached the end, so did my prior belief system of leadership. Image of the final scene engraved lucidly in my mind-a contrast between order and disaster, an irony of authority and tears. I closed the book with desperation. From an organizer in non-school activities to the chief executive member of organizations, the experiences of leadership that I had were shattered into pieces. Had I read the novel that I began to question my prior view of leadership formation-people support those who are democratic and amicable-and realized that aggression can outweigh the importance of goodwill.

I am still entangled in the clash now. However, I believe that I will find the answer in practice. How? Well, let me begin with a more active participation in my community; and by observing the leaders in the group and engaging myself in competition, I will find the best solution to the challenge proposed by the novel.

Thank You!v
sakeloga   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU Prompts: Daredevil to Heracles to Philosophy to Interpol (Crit. for Crit.) [9]

Nice to meet you, I am also applying to NYU =D

From what you provided, I can feel someone who likes to discover human nature and wants to make the world a better place. If this is your goal, then you successfully transferred your information to the reader!

I'll say that these essays are solid, quite unique, and definitely on-topic. Haven't spotted any significant mistake now. Also, the essays do a good job emphasizing your ethical characteristic.

If there's any change possible, I'll say try to make the tone more excited. For Example, origninally you wrote: we'd pursue criminals and aid the police. Maybe you can change it to: we'd give the criminals a tough night. My example might now be very good, but you get my point. Make your tone more delighted when appropriate. This alteration is optional because it may also be risky, and you're essay is good enough.

By the way, can you also take a look at my U Va essay? just check the 3rd prompt for me will be good enough.

Also, please check my Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline prompt for my NYU essay. (Go to post #3 not post #1)
sakeloga   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Common app essay : embarrasing time (Do I answer the prompt? feedback) crit back [15]

Hey now I am here:D Thank you for your keen criticism!
Ok, I am not particularly good at grammars and those detailed stuffs, but I can give you some of my overall impressions to your works.

From your essays, you DID shape a vivid image of yourself. A young, ambitious, and hard-working person who is interested in politics. One good thing about your essays are that they come together and emphasize a certain unique trait of you. The quality to become a good politician.

I'll say that 2nd~5th essays are solid, but the first one is really risky. Even though you are trying to make your tone light-hearted and excited, I think that may be a bit too over. As in it makes you sound a bit flippant, which some admission officers will not like. Also, I can't really feel what you are trying to communicate in this prompt. Elaborate on how your meeting will change you or how it relates you as a person. For now I can only feel, from this prompt, that you love talking with this famous New Yorker with things related to international affairs, and that's it. Elaborate on this prompt. The other essays are already very good for me.

By the way, would you clarify on what you mean with "Who better than Mr. Calvin Klein?" in my critique?

Thanks!
sakeloga   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / supplement: why Stanford? can i talk about something abstract ? [7]

Hello=D Thx for helping me.

Erm, my concern over this essay is also similar to Jhopselyn. If you will stick to your 'mind' metaphor, then I think indicating this representation at the beginning of the essay will be better, since it's much clearer what you are referring to.

In addition to what Jhopselyn said, I think it will be even better if you include some detailed aspects of Stanford, with regards to your major. For example, for business students, they can refer to the opportunity offered in the silicon valley.

If possible, I will ask you to cut one or two points away from your essay. Because I know the darn word count is there and you really need space for examples and details. If i were you I will cut the beauty of Stanford part.

Your essay starts from a different perspective, this definitely makes your essay stand out, now you need to work on making it solid. I am sure you will get there!
sakeloga   
Jan 9, 2010
Undergraduate / UNC--Chapel Hill No talent Prompt: I am NO GIFTED ARTIST! [4]

We tend to spend our time doing the things we know we do well-running because we're good runners or painting because we're talented artists. Tell us about a time when you tried something for which you had no talent. How did it go?

I will not comment on my artistic skills in middle school. The straight 'C's in report card explains everything. Every time my art teacher told me that "your work is very creative", I knew exactly that she was trying to avoid the topic of 'neatness' or 'detail' of my artwork. My mother, unable to ignore the conspicuous 'C' in my report card, got me an art tutor.

In the first lesson, the teacher placed a coconut-sized gypsum cube right in front of me. "Draw it using any method you want" the teacher told me in a cheerful voice; I squeezed a smile but it faded in one second. I took a deep breath, grabbed my pencil tight, 'sketched' the first line, and moved the drawing board further away to examine the result. A twisty and thick line, like an earthworm, appeared on my paper; its presence symbolized my impossibility to finish the simple cube. My unnatural sense of humor suddenly appeared and I started giggling. Distracted by my laughter, the teacher approached, with a dubious facial expression, and checked my progress. I didn't dare to look straight into her, but the corner of my eyes captured her reaction-took aback by my 'artwork' and paused a few seconds not knowing what to say. "Keep on trying" she recommended; I knew exactly that she recognized me as a hopeless case. In the next hour, my initial interest was eaten away, now replaced with frustration and impatience. I started scribbling on the paper and knocking the board vapidly. Perceived my feeling, the teacher came and attempted to explain to me the details of the cube: "now observe it closely, you can see the reflection of light from the table, right? So the bottom part of the cube should be a bit lighter...". I had no idea what she was talking about; it was just a cube, the shaded region was just a chunk of blackness, I could see absolutely NO difference in its darkness!

This lesson ended with a conversation, between the teacher and my mom, about my performance. The tutor looked toward me and smiled benevolently, which to me seemed more like a conciliatory act. After few seconds of consideration, she concluded: "Chunghan has his own style in drawing; he'll get better with more practice and more patience". Style...what a clever euphemism to describe my clumsiness.

Two years later, I became capable of drawing much complicated items, such as a portrayal of my brother's head, but I knew that I still had no way to catch up with the skills of those who planned to be professional artists. When the talented art students took one hour to finish a sketch, I needed a minimum of two hours working on the same thing, to reach a similar quality. But I didn't envy them. My artworks, too, were admired and nominated to exhibit in the principal's office. I realized that people like my artworks despite the sometimes rough and 'not visually beautiful' appearance; they would say the exact same thing as did my teachers: "your work is special". Now, whenever a person tells me that my artwork is creative, I will reply him with a big smile and a "thank you" whole-heartedly, knowing that it is the best praise I can ever enjoy. After all, I was not born with a painting brush in hand, so I cannot appeal the others' eyeballs with fantastic details; however, I CAN replace the skills with something else I am confident with-creativity. I am not an artist, but I can produce an artwork that stands out from a group of superficial beauties.

This is my first draft and I need some overall suggestions. For example, the content is too dull or meaningless. Also, I need some help to decide which conclusion is better.

Thank you all! Happy to help you in return!
sakeloga   
Jan 9, 2010
Undergraduate / NYU: movie 2050, anticipated academic program, short poem, New Yorker, summer [9]

Hey thank you smallick13! But it's too late, I already turned my essays in...
gladly I changed Calvin Klein to someone else already!
En, thanks for the critical comments! I will try to avoid them in my next essays!

Would you please also take a look at my newest UNC-Chapel Hill Essay? I will be happy to read yours in return!

Thanks!
sakeloga   
Jan 13, 2010
Undergraduate / UNC--Chapel Hill No talent Prompt: I am NO GIFTED ARTIST! [4]

Hey Thank You a lot Simrath! For your first question, my account works perfectly fine, I can log in right fine. When I got my temperory password, I immediately changed it to my own. Maybe you temp. password is outdated, or maybe you mixed some letters up e.g. 1, I, and l. For your question at the end, I also had this problem with my USC app. as well. I suggest you to call UNC admissions office directly, that way you get the answers most quickly.

Anyway, Thx! hope you can check my revised draft out tomorrow, will be very glad for your help.

More suggestions and criticisms are welcomed. Be not afraid to be harsh, as long as you are constructuve! Edit for Edit!
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