Undergraduate / Common App essay- Determination and eventual success [4]

Regardless of the class I could always predict what he was up to, whether it be fighting the powers of sleep, leaving his signature on the desks

Maybe you should change word WHETHER IT BE,it does not make sense,I think it would be better if you use LET IT BE...The rest is good

Undergraduate / Essay for Harvard, Yale, Stanford - What impression do you get? Is it arrogant? [14]

I found that Texan culture resonated with me far more, from the competitive community of Friday Night Lights to its history of independence...I think you should add 'has' after culture...

It seems as if you don't like your nationality...

Thanks for the feedback,it helped a lot...

Undergraduate / Mocking my Chinese ethnicity - Williams Essay-Looking out the window [11]

It is a gorgeous day to be playing outside in the park; the sky is clear and blue, the wind blows gently across the park , and the sun shines its warm rays upon the ground. A little Chinese girl gets off the swings; she skips over to her grandmother and says brightly, "Grandma lets go home." The little girl holds her grandmother's hand tightly, and together they walk along the sinuous path of the park towards their house. Somewhere along the way, as though out of the blue, rocks start to fly in their direction. The little girl looks in the general direction of the rock's path and sees a group of teenage boys doubling over with laughter. Although slightly annoyed, the little girl shrugged, the rocks are small and harmless, no big deal. The little girl tugged on her grandma's hand and they continue to walk. "HEY! HEY YOU F****** CHINK! Can't you SEE we're throwing rocks at you?" The little girl turns around and stares in shock. She sees the boy hold his fingers to his eyes and stretch them sideways as he stresses on the word "see".

The rest of the scene is insignificant, how my grandmother and I eventually made it home left no impression on my mind. The only image that imprinted deeply into my head was of the smirking boy making slanted eyes and mocking my ethnicity. This was my first exposure to racism and bigotry, and the only thought that ran through my mind over and over again was, "How can this boy whom I don't even know be so rude towards me simply because I'm Chinese?"

Years later, reflecting upon that scene, I realized that the boys' racist comments were a direct result of ignorance and fear. The boys couldn't comprehend why we looked differently, dressed differently, and acted differently. They probably never came into personal contact with a Chinese person and didn't understand Chinese culture. As a result, they only viewed us as strange beings they couldn't understand, and they feared us because of it. This scene made me see first-hand how racism stems from fear of the different and the unknown. I realize that in order to eliminate racism in the world, we have to understand each others cultural customs and learn to appreciate diversity. I have become a person who is eager to share her culture and traditions with others. I have tried to promote the understanding of Chinese culture by teaching a Chinese Language&Culture class and participating in a Chinese folkdance group. Through my efforts to promote Chinese culture, I have also become more receptive of other cultural customs as well. Throughout the years, I have learned about many different cultures, from the Hindi culture to the Ethiopian culture.

It is funny how one scene from my childhood, one deeply hurtful comment spurred on my desire to eliminate racism and prejudice through sharing of and understanding of cultural values. I believe we, as humans, are capable of tolerance, acceptance, and love. If each person can take just five minutes a day to explain an aspect of his/her culture to another, if each person can respond to a bigot comment with reason rather than more bigotry, we can rid of hatred and racism from planetthe earth.

Undergraduate / Mocking my Chinese ethnicity - Williams Essay-Looking out the window [11]

Yes I got all your feelings through essay and about F****** it is the main point of racism and I think you should live it there,but you do not know whether admission officers will be offended...so think about it.

Undergraduate / Brown PLME- What type of curriculum I will design for myself [2]

Although I like sciences very much , I find that staring at chemical formulas or memorizing human body parts everyday for hours is a drag. That is why whenever I have English or Philosophy, I feel that I can relax a bit and let my mind roam freely.I would like to have the same feeling at Brown and they are offering me flexible option of choosing my own curriculum . Since I would like to pursue a career in medicine, I chose to earn a degree in science. In order To balance my heavy science load, I decided to focus a lot on Economics and International Relations. The reason for choosing these two liberal arts fields is that I have never taken economics in high school, and I feel that international relations can complement my experience in Model UN.

Economics is a field that can help me in any future business studies that I wish to pursue. Since I have never taken economics, I would start out with ECON 0110- Principles of Economics. As the course description suggests, it is a great class for students who "want a broad introduction to the discipline." Another course that interests me is ECON 0510- Development and the International Economy. Coupled with my interest in International Relations, this course will provide me with a broad view of what theeconomies of less Developed Nations are like, and make me think critically on how these economies can be incorporated in the world market.

My extensive experience in MUN shows my interest in International Relations. However, my knowledge about international law is very limited and this was a disadvantage for me on the debates . So to make up for this loss, I want to take INTL 1801A- International Law and the Third World. This course will introduce the concept of international law and how it applies to Third World nations. In addition, this course can complement my studies in economics by allowing me to make a link between how Third World countries' economies are affected by global policies.

Even though I am interested in the courses mentioned above, I will still maintain my focus on the sciences. I would like to gain a degree in Human Biology after my undergraduate studies. To achieve this goal, I will take BIOL 0510- Introduction to Microbiology. This course basically encompasses the various ways in which microbes are related to human health and biotechnology. This course can eventually lead me to study epidemiology in medical school. Moreover, I have found two more courses that are related to epidemiology and they are: BIOL 0530- Principles of Immunology and BIOL 0180- The Biology of AIDS. These two courses will help me learn about how our immune system works in general and specifically when confronted by the HIV virus. The latter course can help me pursue an independent study to understand more about AIDS.

The courses mentioned above are just a small sample of what my undergraduate schedule will look like at Brown. I hope to take introductory classes to concepts that are quite significant in the world, such as economics in business. I will also be able to keep in touch with my MUN background by taking courses in international relations. However, due to my goal in becoming a doctor, my concentration will be in pre-med courses such as immunology and the Biology of AIDS. I am confident that with this curriculum I will be a better learner.

Hope it will help you.
could you please give me a feedback on my essay?

Undergraduate / All We Need is Love - University of Virginia Supplement [4]

Sometimes love is all we have. My parents have always joked upon that when first arriving to the United States from China, their single battered suitcase was filled with only a handful of dreams and a gallon of love. With only each other to depend on, they began building their new life slowly step by step . I was born in the family of two full time graduate students, so my grandparents made the voyage to America to take care of me. Both being professors, they never let my young mind go slack. Under their guidance, I solved jigsaw puzzles and learned math via cheerios throughout the day. But every night, when my parents came home, we'd all sit together on the battered couch in our tiny living room and just laugh(I think that you need to write about your evenings more in details.) . Years later, I realize that laughter is what kept our family together through the layoffs, the health problems, and arguments. Laughter is the common language in a diverse country. It is laughter that unites China and Latin America as my Hispanic friends teach me to dance bachata and merengue. It is laughter that allows me to enjoy injera with my Ethiopian friends. It is laughter that has made all the difference in my life, because when I laugh, I learn to love and appreciate. I don't dream of being a multimillionare with a hundred cars and houses, because it distracts from what really matters. At the end of the day, love is all we need.

Undergraduate / Princeton Supplement Essay- Carpe Diem [7]

i think it is good...especially after you have made some corrections...Good luck!