Writing Feedback / sat essay: Do people succeed by emphasizing their difference from others? [3]

I would say, first and foremost, to check spelling, grammar, and structure, as that is important and should come easily to you on the SAT. Now, on the details...

"Please allow me to illustrate my point using the judo master, Tanaka Akira and second biggest cab company in USA, Avis company, as examples."

Don't tell the read what you are going to do. Do it. Stating it means wasting time you could be using to pat your essay with some more content.

"Since 5"
Try re-wording this, and remember that the accepted style is that numbers zero through nine are written out and ten can be written or typed out like 10. Everything thereafter is typed using numbers.

"a serious disease left him a powerless right arm that he could not even hold chopsticks"
The meaning is understood, but poorly written. Remember to aim for clarity and not lose sight of how you started your sentences.

You want to add more than just examples. Opine on it more, and use your examples to support yourself, not make them the crux of your argument. And at the end, in a sentence or two, bring everything full circle rather than blatantly declaring that you are right because of what you said.

Undergraduate / 'Bad grades, ashamed' an incident which led you to challenge yourself academically [5]

"Back in the primary school, I did not pay much attention in class and had most of the time my mind elsewhere, as a result I got bad grades in homeworks as well as exams and made my parents and my teachers upset, that is why I felt ashamed all the time,I was not that stupid but I might have had a different learning style and could do way better than that."

This is one long run-on sentence and the reader loses his place while reading it. End it after every few thoughts. A period after elsewhere, upset, and time. Re-word it to make it more clear, and remember to use correct grammar and tenses.

"I got bad grades ON my homework as well as my exams"
"I felt ashamed of myself all the time"
"I would've benefited from unconventional learning styles"

I also take issue with the fact that you are basically excusing yourself out of answering the prompt. You are not talking about a time you challenged yourself academically- say, taking an honours or AP or IB class, or a class you don't understand well like advanced math- you are simply commenting on feeling academically challenged, and they are two very different things.

If you would like to keep it, I suggest a re-write of your thoughts and the above notes, but overall, I suggest a complete re-write to better answer the prompt.

Writing Feedback / 'Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park' - MY FAVORITE PLACE [8]

"Each person will be attracted to somewhere because of some reasons like"
This is a very vague statement. Don't make vague statements. Entice your readers with descriptions and details, or at least shorten it.

"People easily become enamoured with places, whether it's due to their beautiful landscapes, the long-lasting memories they've had there, or etc"

"For me, Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park is one of the most interesting and beautiful places in my mind."
Notice that you are stating twice that Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park is one of your favourite places. At the beginning and at the end. Be careful being repetitive, because it is noticeable.

Overall it's not a bad essay. I would like to see more detailed descriptions of the views, of a day in the park, of what you see walking around and what it looks like. You're in love with it, so make the reader fall in love with it.