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'Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park' - MY FAVORITE PLACE

nonnon91188 1 / 2  
Apr 2, 2012   #1
My favorite place

Each person will be attracted to somewhere because of some reasons like beautiful landscape, unforgettable memory or good services. For me, Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park is one of the most interesting and beautiful places in my mind. In addition, it is also the most important place to me because it is place which keep sweet memory in my love. Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park is a special place which inspire the confidence in my life.

The first thing makes me attracted by Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park is naturally beautiful landscape. Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park is the place where the various kinds of rare birds and evergreen flora converge. Gaudy birds usually stand on branches of trees to twitter and their different melody mix together to make a harmony music. Furthermore, chairs in the park are rounded by many kinds of plant. Each kind of plant has a distinctive beauty, different color, all of them make a beautiful garden with full of colors. Another thing, Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park put many statues with high artistic merit. Thus, it is clear that they contribute a special part to make an outstanding point for park and attract people's concern. Moreover, from park i can enjoy a view of quiet Perfume River and dreamy Truong Tien bridge. Especially, at night Truong Tien bridge change many colors of lights and it makes me have strange feelings. I think that all my problems and fears will go away when i stand here. All in all, Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park's harmony beauty of scenery makes it become a favorite place in my mind.

Memory from my first love is the second reason why i consider Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park as my special place. I have a story related to this park. When i come here, past events sweep across my memory. On the last night of Hue festival two years ago, it is the first time i had chance to enjoy performance of firework with my lover. That night when i said that " I'm really want to watch firework because i have never seen it in reality", he and i come here by bicycle. We sat closely on stone chair and enjoyed firework together. At that time, i am very happy. Now, i'm really remember this feeling when i come here. I always want it to happen once more time but it is impossible because my love broke five months ago. In my mind, i did not want to have a broken love. However, everything could not follow my wish and it happened. I cannot protest it. In conclusion, Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park keep my green memory Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park's about first love so i will love it forever.

To sum up, Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park plays an important role in my heart because of its landscape and my first love's memory. It usually recalls my memory each time i come here. Furthermore, i also feel comfortable when i am deep in natural scenery. I hope that Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park will become the favorite place of many people and it will put an important part in my mind forever.

digitall565 - / 3  
Apr 3, 2012   #2
"Each person will be attracted to somewhere because of some reasons like"
This is a very vague statement. Don't make vague statements. Entice your readers with descriptions and details, or at least shorten it.

"People easily become enamoured with places, whether it's due to their beautiful landscapes, the long-lasting memories they've had there, or etc"

"For me, Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park is one of the most interesting and beautiful places in my mind."
Notice that you are stating twice that Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park is one of your favourite places. At the beginning and at the end. Be careful being repetitive, because it is noticeable.

Overall it's not a bad essay. I would like to see more detailed descriptions of the views, of a day in the park, of what you see walking around and what it looks like. You're in love with it, so make the reader fall in love with it.
chalumeau /  
Apr 3, 2012   #3
I enjoyed reading the essay. I have attached my edited version.
Let me know what you think.

- Try NOT using conjunctive adverbs, such as "moreover." Misuse is worse than not having them.
- Include a paragraph about confidence as you mentioned it in the introduction.
- Try starting sentences with ----ing verbs. Look at my examples in the attachment.

Although I don't have any fond memories of a lover at a park, I do have fond memories of taking walks in a park, childhood memories of listening to concerts in the park, and times exploring the various wonders and delicious smells of spring, summer, fall, and even winter. Butterflies, caterpillars, and birds are still among my favorites to watch.

OP nonnon91188 1 / 2  
Apr 3, 2012   #4
Thanks for all comments!

Chalumeau: I cannot see the third paragraph to the end!!!
chalumeau /  
Apr 3, 2012   #5
Try using my comments to revise the last paragraphs, and I'll check your revision.
I want you to learn from how I'm correcting the essay. I'm modeling a clearer way of
writing in English.
OP nonnon91188 1 / 2  
Apr 4, 2012   #6
Digitall 565

My lecturer require to write an essay in 60' from 350-400 words. If i write more detailed descriptions of the views, of a day in the park, of what i see walking around and what it looks like, i will not have enough time to write. Futhermore, my lecturer don't want to read a long essay, may be it is easy to make vague ideas in my essay.

"For me, Nguyen Dinh Chieu Park is one of the most interesting and beautiful places in my mind."
How can i restate this sentence but don't make a repetition??? (@_@)
chalumeau /  
Apr 4, 2012   #7
I crossed out the "in my mind" part. It's unnecessary to state the obvious.

Try coming up with something and I'll tell you if it works.
stn0795 4 / 11  
Apr 5, 2012   #8
I'm too bad. I'm Vietnamese but I do not know much about Nguyen Dinh Chieu. Thanks for your essay.

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