Scholarship / SMU Hunt Scholarship Essay-- How should I start???? [7]

Too often I see people approach these leadership essays by listing a bunch of activities in which they were the leader. Leadership isn't about being the people in charge and telling people what to do but contributing to the whole group. I would start by discussing how your contributions have made you a leader.

While you work on that, I'd really appreciate it if you also took a look and commented on my essay

Undergraduate / Hispanic Terrorists - national concern and its importance to me [2]

Let us take a journey into the halls of the most infamous high school in the Coachella Valley; Coachella Valley High School. Defined as the institution with the worst students, dangling participle(the institution not = your classmates) my classmates seem to embrace this title by their unwillingness to take action. As we venture through the halls, you will see nothing more that the color brown, reflecting what my hometown consists of; Hispanics.Starting to get worried about a hint of aggressiveness here but I read later that you too are Hispanic As I write this, I think about the ethnic segregation that exists in my community as a whole, and how frustrated it makes me. The cities is the valley, all relatively close, are extremely different. Traveling from city to city is like flipping through the pages of a National Geographic magazine, every page has a different setting. I grew up on the first page, the city of Coachella. Flip a couple more pages and you will notice the faces become fairer and the grass becomes greener. There is a tremendous gap that exists between my city and the luxurious city of Palm Desert,comma splice they are only within thirty minutes of each other, but the culture and the mentality clash in differences.

A few days ago, while shopping at the Palm Desert Mall, I encountered a crime scene. As I arrived home, I quickly searched for the incident on the Coachella Valley's newspaper website. What I found, was a violent argument that resulted in one teen stabbing another. I read the reviews and was not surprised when I found many Palm Desert residents blaming the incident on my Hispanic classmates. They called us "Terrorists", but what they ceased to notice was the article never commented on the teenager's ethnicity. Fervor stirred in me, and; I was forced to reply to their comments.

I was angered by the thought of these negative stereotypes. We are not terrorists. Terrorists crave destruction, Hispanics crave success. While many of my peers choose to simply ignore these negative comments, I cannot pretend they are nonexistent. They linger in my mind and as a result motivate me to prove these stereotypes wrong. Thus, when I responded to the article's comments, I assured myself to give them some insight on what really exists in Coachella. I shared my story.

I am Hispanic and I am not ignorant. I love engaging myself in academic challenges and, as a result I am at the top of my class. Also, I would never hurt a fly.Avoid cliche Take a look at me and you will see a reflection of my classmates. We are similar in the following way: we have crafted our dreams, and as impossible as they may seem, we have developed the necessary drive to make them reality. Our name is Coachella Valley High School, not Coachella High School and we represent the valley as a whole, not a mere outcast section of it. My wish would be that one day the schools in the valley would unite and support each other. Though, as for now, they can call us terrorists as much as they wish, but as I continue to motivate my classmates to succeed one day "one day" is describing the success one day or one day we will no longer...? we will no longer be called terrorists, but instead role models.

Overall, I found the essay engaging. Perhaps you could elaborate on how exactly you motivate your classmates. If you have time, take a look and comment on my essay

Undergraduate / Columbia short answers - books, shows, and why Columbia [6]

Why Columbia? Because I love blue. Because I adore the sight of the Alma Mater statue under a cover of whiteness. Because columbia.edu is my homepage. Because the mentoring of two Nobel prize winners, Eric Kandel and Richard Axel, would make my academic experience unparalleled. Because I am looking forward to diving in the SURF program and to exploring through vast opportunities of independent study and undergraduate Neuroscience research. Because I see in Columbia a globalized environment whose diversity I can yet foster. Because I want excellence. Because I am not afraid to fly higher.

I noticed that you change your tone from sarcasm to seriousness to sort of a grandiose style. Not sure if thats good or not...

Also the last two sentences sound like a generic response perhaps you could replace it with something a little more unique.

If you could take a look at my Cornell essay(its due tonight) that'd be great.

Student Talk / Word count limits and restrictions in essays [44]

There is no max word count but I would suggest it be around 750-1000 words.

Undergraduate / Cornell Supplemental Essay, Arts and Sciences [3]

My interest in business was sparked at a young age. I was five years old, and the fourth of July had come around yet again. My father had been running the family restaurant since the crack of dawn, selling breakfast to famished customers with a speed similar to that of a cheetah on the hunt. As the day drew to a close, my family had all gathered in the restaurant for dinner. When I ran into the building to give my "daddy"*When I first saw the quotation marks I thought sarcasm, and an afterthought, then I realized what you were trying to emphasize* a big hug, I caught him assessing the day's receipts. When I saw the mound of money, I exclaimed, "Wow daddy! Where did all of that money come from?" He retorted "Son, if you listen closely and learn from me, one day you can have ten times as much." Not a week later I had created handmade bookmarks, and had set up shop at the entrance to the restaurant. This was my initial day in business. I made eight dollars on that historic day, and became determined that I would be in business for the rest of my life. To this day, that attitude has remained with me, hence my interest in the academic field of business.

The economic program in the College of Arts and Sciences offers an extensive assortment of courses that would cover any desire in economics that I crave to choose . If by chance my passions and interests change before I chose my major, I have the option of studying any class at any of Cornell's world class schools. Perhaps I am lucky, and my thrill for business stays with me, but I have a quench *not sure if quench is the right word* for a new environment. Cornell will allow me to study abroad at any of fifty plus countries and also at a multitude of areas in the United States. At Cornell there is a bottomless well of opportunities *sounded like a cliche* ; all I need to do is pull up the bucket of knowledge and take a sip. With the twenty on campus libraries, there is never a shortage of noiseless corners to hide in when I need to study. In addition to housing the best places to study, these libraries contain, virtually, every piece of knowledge that I would ever need, or want, to know.

In closing, Business is my academic passion and Cornell is my collegiate soul-mate. Cornell offers an extreme wealth of resources, unlimited combinations of course studies, and one of the most wide-ranging study abroad programs available.

The narrative in the beginning was good, better than most other attempts I've seen. I have a friend who applied to CALS AEM for business, he got deferred. I'm also applying to Cornell, take a look at mine if you have a chance

Undergraduate / "genetics lab freedom" - Cornell - College of Arts and Sciences Supplement Essay [4]

On my fifth birthday I received many gifts. Although among them was the light microscope and prepared slides from my grandmother, this gift was much more than its physical representation. My grandmother's gift to me was the introduction to the world of science. It was the seed of interest that took root and grew exponentially. It was one of the greatest presents I will ever receive.

As I grew older with this gift , my TV habits slowly began to be consumed by The Discovery Channel, and my readings were overtaken by National Geographic. However, the lack of depth in science topics left me, for the most part, uninterested in school. Although this progressively changed as I grew older, the most notable spark of interest? appeared in my AP Biology class.

The class was in many ways a parallel*I would word it "The class had many parallels* to my Honors Biology class. However, there was one very significant difference between the two. After having many of the students in Honors Biology, my teacher, Mr. Sonnen, allowed a more comfortable atmosphere with open discussions and more hands on and self-directed activities. The finest example of this appeared when my AP Biology class approached its end. We were given the task of breeding fruit flies and statistically calculating their genetic outcomes at the end of the experiment. Now, being a fan of numbers and science, this lab was a slice of heaven*avoid cliche* .

At the labs completion, I had produced well over four-hundred fruit flies, but all of which fell in a nearly perfect nine-three-three-one ratio that I predicted. This experiment was different than all of the others. It took our knowledge and applied it vigorously. Ultimately, the students were in charge of how everything turned out. We were not being told to place X solution in Y container. We were instructed to pick two sets of genetics, predict, and breed. This complete hands-on approach has left me looking back at this experiment as one of the most self-learning experience within my high school life.

The taste of the freedom from this genetics lab has left me eager to again become involved with a project that I can progress through with freedom. Among all of the assorted college programs offered, I have to say that I am the most interested in the opportunity to perform undergraduate research. Cornell University appears to have developed*sounds unconfident* a strong foundation to connect its students with research. The potential to receive research funding as well as collaborative facility support from programs like the Hughes Scholars and the Rawlings Cornell Presidential Research Scholars further draws my attention on the idea of going through with my own research and it is in this way that I hope to connect and contribute to the Cornell community.

Overall, an excellent essay, one of the best I've read today. I'm also applying to Cornell, I'd appreciate it if you had a look

Student Talk / My social security number doesn't show up! (Boston University) [5]

This is NOT the appropriate forum to ask this question. With that said, did you click "save" before you pressed preview?

Undergraduate / Cornell - Why Engineering -- Help Me With Just a "Yes" or "No" [4]

No, I didnt pick up on whatever reference you were trying to imply; but GL with Cornell, I'm applying engineering too.
I liked the descriptive illustrations btw.