Undergraduate / "A song with a prolonged "Aaaahh" - Personal Essay [12]

Hi, I'm an int'l student and being in desperate need of feedbacks for my personal essay. I guess there might be a lot of grammar or expression errors. I hope you all do not mind helping me. Thank you very much.----------------------------------------------------------------- ---- -------------

_ The song must end with a prolonged "Aaaahh.". It creates resounding effects that move listeners' hearts.
_ I know the song better. I have sung it since the age of ten or twelve. It shouldn't be performed in that awkward style. Just make it clear-cut.

_ My darling, don't listen to her if you want to impress the judge. Now sing after me...
_ No, my girl, listen to me. Sing this way...
_ Aaahh... Let me teach our girl the right way...

Voices mixed up so turbulently that I could not heed anything. Mom and Dad were arguing over a children song that I was going to perform in a talent show at my primary school. The petite song- sweet and peaceful- was still able to kindle my parents' opposition.

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Undergraduate / Smith College supps - I want to mature into a whole person [6]

Please help me with the following two supplements. Welcome any criticisms =) Thank you very much in advance

1/How did you first learn of Smith College and why are you applying? 500 characters

"Above 46000 Smith alumnae ensure to assist Smithies with internships and careers"-my friend shared the statistic when discussing some colleges with me. I am not simply amazed at the huge number of successful graduates but the massive commitment to Smith. I picture myself in a both academically prominent and caring environment that will urge me to mature into a whole person. More thousands of excellent graduate Smithies will head back to their root and be helpful, and I long to be one of them.

2/When Smith College was founded in 1871, there were few educational opportunities for women. Is a women's college still relevant in 2009? 1000 characters

Women's lives nowadays even get more struggling than ever due to career, domestic and social demands combined. That is why I highly appreciate the existence of a female college today as it creates opportunities for a young woman to fulfill her abilities and prepare her well for those challenges. She will live in an environment specially designed for female only, receiving the most considerate attention from professors and faculties and suitable conditions to pursue her education. Furthermore, school spirits may enable her to enjoy life fully. Participating in community services to help her society, coloring her day with artistic and cultural events, and having friends who share not only the same biological gender but also similar perspectives and dreams- all are essential for a girl's development. I believe those precious experiences at a women's college will teach a woman how to balance her life and achieve self-satisfaction in any fields.