Undergraduate / "Move beyond my "home" Berkeley" ; TRANSFER Objectives & reasons [5]

hey,
you're competition! haha. since i'm applying to some of those schools as well.
I think you need to clear out a lot of fluff from the paragraphs. Overall, you seem to have your points well thought out. But you need to describe it better. For example, I didn't really get why you are unhappy with berkeley. you start off with lots of praises about the place. provide a better transition maybe?

Also, "About a year ago I was offered great educational opportunities outside California but because of my immaturity, I felt that I was unable to leave my family."

explain in detail...i would want to know what "great opportunities" you were offered. and it might not be a good idea to say you were immature and afraid to leave your family. especially since you aren't a freshman anymore.

there's my two cents. good luck. Also, one question, if you don't mind. is it possible to study outside of CA if you're undocumented? like don't you have to provide some documentation? just out of curiosity! hehe.

Undergraduate / "liberal arts education and a tight-knit community" - Reason For TRANSFERRING. [7]

the creativity seems forced. I was gripped by thr first para but then my eyes started skimming your elaborate prose to find the "real stuff" in there. you know what i mean?

It's a good start but you should edit with concrete details and illustrations rather than abstract metaphors. :)

Undergraduate / "So what do you plan on doing now?" -Common Application Transfer Essay [10]

This is succintly written. I'm jealous :P wish mine would flow as nicely. oNe suggestion: Reduce the length a little bit, a para or two. YOu don't need to include every experience even though it is an autobiographical essay. That way you can accomodate more about your major.

btw what school is this for?