shuynh4
Apr 17, 2013
Scholarship / More than one career choice/ Social worker+My own business; Career Goals(SCHOLARSHIP) [3]
"Throughout my life I have always had a passion for helping others and I believe I can accomplish that by majoring in a field like social work and a minor in health management. See usually people focus on one career but me I have two that I could see myself doing excellent work in. "
Instead, you should word your intro like this:
"Throughout my life, I have always had a passion for helping others. I believe I can accomplish that by majoring in a field such as social work, and a minor in health management. Typically, people focus on one career. I have two that I could see myself doing excellent work in."
I understand what you are trying to talk about throughout your essay, although you need some work on sentence structure as well as fixing a few grammatical errors. Other than that, your essay is really good!
"Throughout my life I have always had a passion for helping others and I believe I can accomplish that by majoring in a field like social work and a minor in health management. See usually people focus on one career but me I have two that I could see myself doing excellent work in. "
Instead, you should word your intro like this:
"Throughout my life, I have always had a passion for helping others. I believe I can accomplish that by majoring in a field such as social work, and a minor in health management. Typically, people focus on one career. I have two that I could see myself doing excellent work in."
I understand what you are trying to talk about throughout your essay, although you need some work on sentence structure as well as fixing a few grammatical errors. Other than that, your essay is really good!