Posts by mystifier

mystifier

Feb 19, 2010

Undergraduate / 'self motivated entrepreneur' - what makes Rochester the best fit for you [4]

Hi below is my University of Rochester admission essay question and answer and i would appreciate if someone can look it over for me.
Thanks

The instruction
In 125 words or less, please answer the following questions.
What makes the University of Rochester a good fit for you? In answering, identify your sources of information, including any conversations you've had with Rochester faculty, staff, students, or alumni.

My essay

I believe that university of Rochester is the best fit for me because of my own personality as a self motivated entrepreneur. I have read and studied many subjects on my own as an autodidact. These subjects range from business to personal development and Finance. I learned through information on the university's website and also from my friend Beth Kane, a University of Rochester graduate that Rochester has a good research oriented and an open curriculum policy. I then concluded that the university is the best place for me to learn and expand my knowledge of subjects that already ignite my curiosity; instead of just sticking to some other university's "custom-made one size fits all" curriculum.

mystifier

Feb 19, 2010

Undergraduate / How to write SoP for a Design University [4]

HI
I would like to help since i have written a purpose for a business plan before. i however am not sure what your statement of purpose would be. I'm under the impression that you are talking about a statement of purpose for the Master in Design program. In this case, you would have to do some soul searching as to why you want to start a master in design. A purpose is usually the reason why you do something. It is the determination that drives you. It is that hidden reason that nobody but you sees and that reason makes you want to achieve or reach new high. I think you first have to do a soul seaching and write down something as to why you want to start something like that. Then we can critique it and try to help make it better.

I hope my answer will help you go further.
Thanks

mystifier

Feb 19, 2010

Scholarship / "Still Dancing". A life is not important except for the impact it has on other lives [5]

very well written and i like the way you started by talking about your own experience going against status quo. By the end though, in the last paragrapg, where you said:

"Whether interviewing a murderer in a maximum security facility, dealing with the taunts from jocks on the swim team for dancing in the ballet, or possibly someday dealing with a frightening diagnosis of cancer-I want to survive."

I will replace 'possibly' with 'Maybe' or better yet i will replace it with 'God forbid but maybe'.

This suggestion is because the first feeling out of reading that part is that you seems to be wishing it upon yourself. Even though it is not what you mean. When you replace possibly with 'maybe' or 'God forbid but Maybe' ,it more clearly promote you idea of the possibility of having to deal with an unwanted disease in the future. so the final correction could be: "Whether interviewing a murderer in a maximum security facility, dealing with the taunts from jocks on the swim team for dancing in the ballet, or God forbid but maybe someday dealing with a frightening diagnosis of cancer-I want to survive."

thanks

mystifier

Feb 19, 2010

Undergraduate / 'Lyricist and theatrical actor' Univ. of rochester #2: your contribution to the university [3]

HI
It is Me again and i would like to get some help on the second essay. I would like to know if it is well written, on point, and easy to understand. Also feel free to correct any grammatical eror.

Thanks

The Instruction
In 125 words or less, please answer the following questions.
Rochester students represent many different points of view. Each student constructs an independent study and research plan. Describe what you will contribute to Rochester's diversity of ideas, experiences, and identities. If you can, incorporate a positive past experience where you chose your own learning path, or a negative experience where you wanted to exercise more independence.

My essay

I'm a literary art auteur and a lyricist in two languages (French and English). I have been a theatrical actor for 4 years and a performance director for 3 years for a total of seven years in performing arts. In addition to this independent work,

I'm currently doing an independent study on the foreign exchange market. My studies are centralized on technical analysis of market trends, and a fundamental analysis of economic policies, interest rate, balance of trade...and how they can be combined to do successful carry trades. My final objectives are to develop an expert advisor (a trading Robot) that can carry trade efficiently. I hope these independent studies in finance, my professional experience as a financial advisor, my experience in performing arts, will be a great contribution to the University's diversity of independent studies' styles.

mystifier

Feb 19, 2010

Undergraduate / 'self motivated entrepreneur' - what makes Rochester the best fit for you [4]

HI dinhhoang0802
how would u want me to change the first sentence. would u mind being more specific? how would u rewrite it if u were in my shoes?

thanks

mystifier

Feb 19, 2010

Grammar, Usage / "what do we have to know about paraphrasing?" - HOW TO START AN INTRODUCTION [6]

HI i want to see if i can help here.
If you cannot start an introduction, then what you do is write the entire body of work first and then come back later to write the introduction sometimes, writing the entire essay first with the introduction gives u an idea on how to write the introduction, It is pretty much like reverse engineering. The introduction takes the reader from a general idea to a specific idea or sometimes the introduction takes the reader from a familiar subject to an unfamiliar subject. So for the case of your assignment for example, you may want to start with the general and then descend onto the subject of paraphrasing. for example. i might start with something like this:

Who Am i to be intelligent, knowledgeable, or an expert? The truth is that I'm nobody but at the same time I am somebody. Since one's self worth is not always the best and there could always be someone out there who knows better and is more knowledgeable, Sometimes it is wise to do the self effacing act of paraphrasing someone else's work as a mean to validate ours.

as you can see i went from the general and then descended on the idea of paraphrasing. the general is always a little related to the mean idea of paraphrasing but it cacthes the readers attention and makes the reader wonder what exactly we are trying to say. By the time the reader figure it out, he or she is already on the main subject. After the general, and the specific, you then outline the work you will be doing as the last part opf the introduction. so an introduction really contains three parts ( the general, the descend into specific or also called thesis statement sometimes and then the third part (which i did not put in my sample introduction) is the outline of what you will be doing in the body of the essay.

I hope i was helpful
please read and comment my essays too
Thanks