Undergraduate / "a story from your life, high school" - University of Washington essay [6]

Prompt: Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

Essay:

It's amazing how much a person can change during high school. My moving to a new city and entering a new high school resulted in more loses than victories, but each loss was a valuable experience. Coming from a small town far from an urban setting, I was thrilled with the idea of meeting new people and being surrounded by a more diverse community. I thought, "Finally, people more like me, people who share the same interests". I was right, but also wrong. Sure, moving near the city would give me a great opportunity to meet new and different people but never did I expect to have such difficulty in transitioning to my new life.

For one, I never had to compete so hard; the idea of competition had never occurred to me. At my small town, I earned the stereotypical reputation as "the smart Asian". As I approached my new school, I felt like nothing could stop me. However, now I realize the wisdom of never underestimating anyone or anything. Competition came out of the blue and hit me hard. I discovered I was far from academic excellence, in fact, I underestimated everything so much that I was at a point of giving up. This was the time I discovered that I wasn't perfect, and neither was anyone else. In our society, one has to work hard, and the results are dependent upon the effort invested, this is just how the system works. This realization came to me near the end of my freshmen year.

As I began my sophomore year, I found myself in a personal abyss. Confronted by troubling issues, I gave up. My grades steadily declined and the motivation I once had had vanished. I was disappointed by my failures in school. After my sophomore year however, I realized that I couldn't be successful or happy with such a mindset. I had no one to depend on or look up to; I had only myself. One night in the beginning of my junior year, I spoke to my mom about my problems: family, stress, school, and personal issues. She told me, "Don't stress yourself over what your father thinks of you. What matters the most is trying your best and striving for your goals, not his." This struck me as being valid. I then understood that no matter how great the challenge, the only person who could save me was myself.

Time was running out and the last semester was all I had. This would be an opportunity for me, a sort of personal proving ground. I would like to say this is the proudest moment of my life. I succeeded in pulling myself out of the abyss developing belief. None of this was easy, but I learned that it was possible. As I've mentioned earlier, the results of my efforts will be equivalent to the efforts themselves. One of my favorite quotes sums it well, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

High school was certainly difficult for me, still it brought me to one of the darkest but also brightest days of my life. There weren't any specific events, but many cumulative factors that contributed to my being the person I am today. I don't regret any of my failures or mistakes, instead, I accept them as experiences which have helped me become a better person. Though, I never became the perfect student I had imagined, I did become someone willing to push myself to my limits and not be satisfied simply within my comfort zone. I cannot predict what lies beyond my present boundaries, but I welcome opportunities to push past them.

Is it good? I was also going to write maybe another one but from a 1st person view, this is all i got so far:

"Mom, what did the woman on the speaker say?" I asked her. "We're going to land very soon," my mom tells me. The airplane begins to encounter turbelence as we begin to slowly descend. Nausea comes to my stomach, my mouth starts to accumulate warm saliva and my stomach drops what felt like a hundred feet. It's been a while I felt this way, since Disneyworld. I grip tightly onto the armchair rest and clench my eyelids shut. Slowly, i take a peek outside and i can see a mysterious city below me, bright city lights flashing everwhere. The plane at last lands on the runway and the rumbling engines go silent. Finally, we have arrived.

As my family and i depart the terminal, I notice the people around me. Everyone looked exactly like me; they had almond shaped eyes, dark hair, and spoke a language that i vaguely understood. I turn to my mom with an incredulous expression on my face silently screaming, "Why on earth did you bring me here?"....

What do you think about that one? Which has more potential to be a very good essay? Thanks!

Undergraduate / "I defeated nature, pain, fear" - something about you to contribute to our community [2]

My running shoes speak to me: You know you want to run. I open the door and stand in front of my porch. It is raining hard. The bitter wind causes me to shiver uncontrollably. I put on my blue running shoes and tighten the laces. Its rubber sole squeaking against the wet concrete with every step I take as I prepare for my run.

I approach the stop sign with caution. The intimidating wind slams its force against my body, it is freezing. The rain starts to seep through my clothes and my shoes. I look down at my shoes; its tacky blue stripes and dirt covered soles speak to me again: You know you want to. My left leg suddenly begins to lift up and I take off.

Nature screams at me; its gray sky, salty rain, and fierce wind try to stop me, but I fight back. The sidewalk begins to ascend, my body tilts forward. The gray sky transitions into a dark and murky texture. I can hear the thunder pounding like overpowered bass system. The ground trembles with each lightning jolt.

I am in the woods. The smell of dirt, trees, and burning wood sends a chill down my spine. The shadows of the dead tree branches and wildlife cast upon me. They begin to chase me deep down into the never-ending trail. The sharp gravel pokes through the bottom of my shoes. The shadows continue to chase me and whisper into my ear, "Stop. You know you want to." I look down at my shoes; I cannot stop now. I begin to see light at the end of the dark world I am in.

I am finally out of the woods. I run down the bike path as speeding cars whip by me. A light mist of water sprays into my face. The muddy puddles soak my shoes and socks. The lightning jolts once again, flashing the dark sky for a millisecond. "You will never make it," it says. But I will make it.

I am in my neighborhood. From a distance, I can see the stop sign from where I started. The road seems interminable. My thighs begin to ache, my breath becomes shorter than before, my calves numb, and my Achilles tendon feels like it is going to rip. Pain engulfs my entire body. It is not nature this time; it is me.

I can see the red sign flashing from a short distance. I am so close to the end. Nature uses all of its force against me but I make one last push against it. My pace reaches its maximum again and I reach the endpoint.

Steam rises from my body. My muscles pound with joy and my heart jumps up and down. I am in euphoria. I look down at my running shoes for one last time and it speaks to me: You did it. I did it. I defeated nature. I defeated pain. I defeated my fear.

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Can someone read this over, fix over some stuff, and tell me what you think?

Undergraduate / Why USC's School of Cinematic Arts will help me reach my goals [3]

Hey, guys. I'm looking to transfer to USC's School of Cinematic Arts for its Critical Studies program. If you can give me real, honest feedbacks on this essay, that would be awesome! I'm debating on using this for the prompt below or for the common app essay on why I want to transfer.

Actual prompt: The Cinematic Arts personal statement should be a carefully prepared explanation of the applicant's goals, describing any film, television, scholarly, critical or other creative background, as well as career objectives. It should present a clear and accurate picture of the applicant, outline objectives in the field of critical studies and explain how attending the School of Cinematic Arts will help reach these goals.

Essay:

What is it about films that fascinate me? The answer to that still remains obscure to me. The question began with Paul Thomas Anderson's "Boogie Nights." Unaware of the film's inappropriate and explicit content at the tender age of five, I somehow managed to climb a stack of books I compiled on a stool and get my hands on the VHS tape. As I pushed the tape into the large gray box connected to the television, my eyes remained fixed at the television screen while the then-Marky Mark danced to the groovy beats of The Commodore's Machine Gun. This was just the beginning for me.

A few years later I introduced myself to works of Spanish filmmakers such as Pedro Almodóvar, Guillermo Del Toro, and Alejandro González Ińárritu, from films ranging from "Habla con ella (Talk to Her)" to "El espinazo del diablo (The Devil's Backbone)" and "Amores perros." It only continued to expand to other international films from South Korean filmmaker Park Chan-wook's "Oldboy" to the works of Italy's Marco Tullio Giordana. My obsession with film became uncontrollable at this point. I dwelled into different types of films including silent, noir, neo-noir, classical, exploitative, experimental, remakes, avant-garde, and so forth. At the end of each sitting, however, I would still ask myself the same question: What is it about films that fascinate me? I wanted to dig deeper behind film beyond the production value.

Being involved with my high school's newspaper gave me an opportunity to write about the films I saw and what they mean to me. It was an opportunity to discover more about films and myself. My very first film review was for the South Korean's thriller "The Man From Nowhere," which was my first written article to receive an honorary high school journalism award. As students came asking me about my opinion on certain films, I found myself asking the previous question once again. What is it about a film that makes it so "good" or "bad?" What is the film's purpose? How does this film connect with my own life? Why this film, why now? These questions continued to boggle me at Penn State.

The School of Cinematic Arts at USC will help me find the answers to these questions. With guest speakers from around the world and the limitless resources I have in the city of Los Angeles, I can fulfill my lifelong goal, which is to obtain my PhD in Critical Studies and teach a film studies course at a university. However, I am open to change whether it is writing a book on film theory; writing film reviews as a critic for Entertainment Weekly or Empire magazine; researching cultural myths and the auteur theory, while simultaneously directing my own film; or working in the media industry - the options are limitless. The philosophy of the School of Cinematic Arts will also help me understand film from a broader perspective by learning about the evolving media from faculty members with experience in the industry.

Although, I wonder if there are definite answers to these questions. Maybe they will never be fully explained or answered because of the indefinite nature of film and media. I know, however, the Critical Studies program at USC will skillfully prepare me for work in the film and media industry, but most importantly, it will help me further understand myself as a person and the art behind Eisenstein's and Bazin's theories on "mise-en-scène," or Capra's Hollywood-esque influences on filmmakers and the consolidation of film industries - the opportunity to learn is endless. With a degree in Critical Studies from The School of Cinematic Arts, I can carry my passion in academia and teach people film as art and important cultural phenomenon.

Undergraduate / 'my focus to Film and Television writing' - transfer essay for NYU and USC [3]

Ok, guys...

The prompt is pretty self-explanatory: why do I want to transfer? This is a pretty broad essay since it's for the Common Application and each school requires their own supplement, so this is my general essay. My concern is whether or not I should go more in depth, but it's difficult for me to do that when I can only use this essay for all the schools. So, ultimately, I just stated what caused me to want to transfer and why.

____________

During my first semester at Penn State University, I worked hard to achieve the best grades while pursuing my ultimate passion of becoming a professional journalist at our student-run newspaper The Daily Collegian. I was propelled into a world of unexpected dreams and nightmares. I met interesting friends and peers, wrote many stories endlessly, sometimes exceeding the senior reporter quota, and had the opportunity to experience actual media during the Jerry Sandusky case - an amazing time to be a freshman journalist. Nevertheless, I loved every minute of my time in The Collegian. However, I soon realized I do not want to pursue journalism as my career. During this time, I became more fascinated with media than ever before and wanted to place my focus to Film and Television writing.

When I began to notice Penn State students and residents of State College respond to the string of events, a wonderful opportunity arose, during which I observed how people consumed media coverage of the Sandusky case. As the attention became centralized on Joe Paterno, I became intrigued by the perceptions of outsiders. My friends would ask me if the perpetrator of the abused children was Paterno himself. Nevertheless, the influence of television broadcast stations and the Internet has played a large portion of the misconception. With the everlasting and imminent role of media consumerism increasing, I suddenly became interested in the influence of moving images. I am currently a pre-Media Studies major, but the program at Penn State is entirely academic and offer limited film based courses. Increasingly, my interests are developing with film and television.

An invaluable quote of W.E.B. Du Bois from Dr. Laurie Scheuble's course Introductory to Sociology resonated with me:

"It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others, of measuring one's soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity."

In junction with Dr. Kevin Hagopian's course The Art of Cinema, I connected my newly found knowledge to my personal experience with the case at The Collegian. From an outsider's perspective, I must look at them, the entire student body at Penn State, through the eyes of the students; but instead of measuring their souls with contempt and pity, I must measure my own soul equally with theirs. Your program's philosophy inspires me to further investigate my concern and fascination of social and culture depictions in films.

My reasons for transferring are almost entirely academic. I have made good friends, studied with some terrific professors, and gained an array of valuable skills. However, there is one non-academic reason for my interest in your institution. I originally applied to Penn State because it was comfortable - I come from upstate Washington and State College felt like home. I am now looking forward to pushing myself to experience places that are not quite so familiar. State College and upstate Washington was one such environment, and the urban environment of your institution would be another.

As my transcript shows, I have been making a steady improvement at Penn State compared to my high school grades. I am convinced with everything I have experienced here, I can meet the academic challenges of your university. As a member of the diverse student community, I am certain that this is a place where I would grow. Your institution fits my academic interests and professional goals.

_________

This is just under 600 words and I would like to keep it under that. Thanks, guys.