My running shoes speak to me: You know you want to run. I open the door and stand in front of my porch. It is raining hard. The bitter wind causes me to shiver uncontrollably. I put on my blue running shoes and tighten the laces. Its rubber sole squeaking against the wet concrete with every step I take as I prepare for my run.
I approach the stop sign with caution. The intimidating wind slams its force against my body, it is freezing. The rain starts to seep through my clothes and my shoes. I look down at my shoes; its tacky blue stripes and dirt covered soles speak to me again: You know you want to. My left leg suddenly begins to lift up and I take off.
Nature screams at me; its gray sky, salty rain, and fierce wind try to stop me, but I fight back. The sidewalk begins to ascend, my body tilts forward. The gray sky transitions into a dark and murky texture. I can hear the thunder pounding like overpowered bass system. The ground trembles with each lightning jolt.
I am in the woods. The smell of dirt, trees, and burning wood sends a chill down my spine. The shadows of the dead tree branches and wildlife cast upon me. They begin to chase me deep down into the never-ending trail. The sharp gravel pokes through the bottom of my shoes. The shadows continue to chase me and whisper into my ear, "Stop. You know you want to." I look down at my shoes; I cannot stop now. I begin to see light at the end of the dark world I am in.
I am finally out of the woods. I run down the bike path as speeding cars whip by me. A light mist of water sprays into my face. The muddy puddles soak my shoes and socks. The lightning jolts once again, flashing the dark sky for a millisecond. "You will never make it," it says. But I will make it.
I am in my neighborhood. From a distance, I can see the stop sign from where I started. The road seems interminable. My thighs begin to ache, my breath becomes shorter than before, my calves numb, and my Achilles tendon feels like it is going to rip. Pain engulfs my entire body. It is not nature this time; it is me.
I can see the red sign flashing from a short distance. I am so close to the end. Nature uses all of its force against me but I make one last push against it. My pace reaches its maximum again and I reach the endpoint.
Steam rises from my body. My muscles pound with joy and my heart jumps up and down. I am in euphoria. I look down at my running shoes for one last time and it speaks to me: You did it. I did it. I defeated nature. I defeated pain. I defeated my fear.
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Can someone read this over, fix over some stuff, and tell me what you think?
Plural would be good here:
The smells of dirt, trees, and burning wood send a chill down my spine.
I begin to see light at the end of the dark world I am in.---I think a word or two need to be added to this sentence to help the reader understand what you mean. Then, end the paragraph...
Next para:
I am finally out of the woods. I run down the ...
This is great DESCRIPTIVE writing, but I think you need to make a point and reflect on the implications.
I think it is not good to make this about overcoming fear. There is no fear, only pain. You overcame your own limitations and mastered your pain.
So, keep the great description and action, but make time to talk about how this appreciation for discipline is something you can CONTRIBUTE TO THEIR COMMUNITY. That is the important part.
:-)
