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Posts by frankeinsteinz
Joined: Aug 2, 2010
Last Post: Jan 9, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 9  

Displayed posts: 10
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frankeinsteinz   
Aug 17, 2010
Undergraduate / "Memoirs of a Teenage Hostess" - Common App Personal Essay [11]

Did you work in America? If so I wonder how can you work as a hostess at the age of 15?
If you really did, I don't think AO will appreciate this type of job, I mean no offense here. But for a kid at the age of 15, there are much more different things for him/her to work on. If you still stick to this topic, I suggest you show more the art of your work (the art side, how you entertain people, how you interact with customers, how you increase the profits of the restaurants), perhaps include several conversation? That will impress readers more.

Just my 2 c.
frankeinsteinz   
Sep 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Strong sense of obstinacy best describes me. MIT [9]

I require myself to do the best I can in all the content, explanations, even in the formatting of the presentation and pictures used to illustrate abstract concept.

Elaborate this. Simply formatting of the presentation ... doesn't help illustrating your work. Perhaps, try vividly adjectives and stuffs: I add substances to my presentation, three pictures at one scene, plain grey background with a tinge of black dots, in a way that metallic tanks and guns and soldiers pop out of the screen as if in real...
frankeinsteinz   
Jan 9, 2011
Undergraduate / "Experience to teach the children from slums" -Macalester diversity -- cultures essay [4]

Describe a situation where you had to work or closely associate with someone from a culture very different from your own. What challenges did you face and how did you resolve them?

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From the first sight, I realized that I was in the strangest place on earth. Twelve meters square, roughly two and a half meters high, the place was trapped by ashen yellow walls and lit by a single gloomy bulb. The floor was oddly plain a chill grey color, and there hovered in the air the smell of humidity. By no means was it a classroom. As I surveyed the place however, I also acknowledged that I was facing the strangest students. Ten kids. Different ages. Dirty faces. Shabby dress. Ragged T-shirts. Smeared shorts. Some sandals. Some bare feet. They were the children from the slums in Hanoi. A place so different from my world.

Suddenly a girl with pigtails came to me and asked: "Are we really going to study?" The question brought me down to earth. And for a while, I looked around the classroom anew. At the same time, however, I understood this was the reason I was here-to create a summer class program. With confidence ringing my voice, I answered: "Yes, we are here to teach you math, English and-" Just a second before I could finish my sentence, the girl with pigtails stole a math book from my hands. To my amazement, she placed the book on the table and began touching and smelling it as if there was some mysterious fragrance hidden inside those pages. With enthusiasm, the girl shared the treasure with her friends while yelling: "It's a new book!"

For three months, my friends and I appreciated the opportunity to teach the children math, English and literature. It was also the first time I entered and interacted closely in a poor neighborhood on the edge of Hanoi. That said, in spite of our geographical similarity, the culture with which my students grew up was so unfamiliar-the way of life when parents lived by below minimum-wage jobs; the living area was threatened by diseases and criminals, and children came to school in the morning and worked as drudges for a few pennies till midnight. (In the summer, they worked for almost an entire day.) Keeping in mind the hardships of my students, first I designed a feasible schedule of a three-hour-long class divided into two sections on each Saturday. In this way, we could teach two different subjects at the same time. We also improved the conditions of our classroom with new paint and light bulbs, so that it would be a better place to study. Often, I could see in my students' eyes the eagerness to study and the happiness every time we celebrated their birthdays. However, rather than our work, it was the effort of my students that took root in my memory. Despite the hardship of earning pennies to support their families, they never forgot to do the homework.

The experience to teach the children from slums helped me realize that my students and I, though coming from different backgrounds, were brought together by the desire to study. Thus for the last three consecutive summers, I have expanded my program: tutoring and donating money, pens, books and text books to children from the slums in Hanoi so that they can have a better education.

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So that was my essay and I wonder if the essay answered the prompt or not --- if the children in my essay really have a different "culture". Thank you all.
frankeinsteinz   
Jan 9, 2011
Undergraduate / The girl who thinks she can (UNC) [15]

Your essay indeed flows well b/c it's a story :) But I think you should make the last part, when you remembered the quote, stronger so that it explicitly stresses the prompt.

Thanks for your help anyway.
Good luck
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