Undergraduate / "the gift of giving" (quality accomplishment) - UC prompt #2 [6]

Prompt- Tell us about a personal quality accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about thi quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

[i]i am soooo confused about this so i wrote and essay. but i dont believe its any good. Can you please review and tell me what i SHOULD write about and how? or how to rewrite the essay?

The greatest gift is the gift of giving. Every time I give up a few hours of my day, I feel as if I am helping to create a better world. Benjamin Franklin said, "No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it for someone else." I vie to lighten those burdens through the act of community service. Some see volunteering as something you have to do. I see it as something I want to do.

In the course of my high school years, I have contributed over four hundred hours to the community in a variety of areas. For a year, I tutored children grade K-8 as part of my school Interact club. They were confused, loud and upset. Through the course of that year, I learned that patience is indeed a virtue. I discovered new ways to make the learning process easier and more entertaining with flashcards and singing ditties. My crowning achievement was the moment a middle school student came to me to give thanks. She had managed to raise a dismal 'D' to a "B." By tutoring others, I taught myself as well. I learned that by passing on my knowledge to another, I could improve a life just a little bit at a time.

I spent over two hundred hours in the local community hospital. During that time, I discovered how small actions can light up someone's day. I remember entering an elderly patient's room to give him a trash bag and asked "How are you today?" The simple question led to a simple "Fine. Thank you." Yet as I left the room, he called out to say, "Thanks for coming. You have no idea how nice it is to see a smiling face here." It was a moment that I will remember for the rest of my days. The people who enter the hospital are worried and frightened for themselves or a loved one. As a volunteer, I worked to alleviate the feelings for perhaps just a second with cup of coffee, directions, or a smile. The days within the sanitized doors of the hospital have opened my silent shy shell and allowed me to expand my personality into a more open person willing to give a helping hand. I gained leadership skills and confidence knowing that I was a valuable member of an institution that saves lives every day. After spending time in the hospital, I plan to enter the medical field in the future and dedicate my life to aid others.

When I volunteer, I feel a part of something bigger than myself. Community service is a way to create a positive world for all citizens. I am proud to 'lighten the burden' for others in my community and this led to the person I am today. I found qualities like dedication, assurance in my abilities, and communications skills. These are abilities that I will bring on to the university and carry on throughout my life.

Undergraduate / "the nerdy Asian kid" 'My world' life long education and my American dream. [4]

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I wrote an essay...but its...Whenever i read it i feel as if there is something terribly wrong or missing from it. I want to find a way to make it an interesting read rather than how dry it is right now. I would love feedback on how to improve my writing style! PLEASE HELP!!!!!

One of the most well-known stereotypes is the nerdy Asian kid and I am its personification. People ask, "why do you try so hard?' How can I not? I am not just me. I am more than that. I am my mother's daughter. I am father's daughter. I am the reflection of the people who raised me. Confucius once said, "You must study the past in order to divine the future." I am the future and I was sculpted by the people closest to me.

I am from an immigrant family. My mother came to America alone with her unborn child. She was forced to leave my father behind in faraway Vietnam in order to come to a new country and give me the American dream. It would be eight years before my father finally reunited with his family. During that time, my mother was worked tirelessly night to day in order support her young daughter. As I watched her, I learned the value of hard work, independence, and perseverance. Throughout my life, I have followed her example and persisted through any obstacles. When I received a "B" on a violin final, I practiced for hours and hours afterwards and grasped an "A+" during the retake exam. Even so, my success is not measured my grades or numbers but rather the amount of work and dedication behind it.

"Study! Study! Study!" This word is heard every second of every minute in my household. My parents left Vietnam in order to give me the possibility of the American dream.. Yet, life in a new country was difficult. In Vietnam, both my parents were educated teachers, but are now menial workers with bottom scraping pay. They immigrated late in life and were unable to gain an American college education, so were bereft of better job opportunities. Knowledge of their loss fuels my drive for excellence. From the moment I could understand, they have instilled within me the importance of education. Throughout high school, I challenged myself with as many advance classes as possible. When I felt under prepared for the AP Biology exam, I spent countless hours poring over extra study guides. My preparation paid off when I received the only passing score in my class on the exam. My parents have given me the limitless opportunities found in America and I will not waste them. On my quest for career advancement and survival in the modern age, education will be my most valuable weapon.

I give many thanks to my parents. They are a constant source of inspiration and encouragement. From infancy, they carefully nurtured my yearning for knowledge and showed me the path to success. With the traits I have acquired, I cannot wait to take the next step towards my life long education and my American dream.

Undergraduate / Library Volunteer - Common App [3]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum)

"Miss An...I made a bracelet for you..." An uncertain smile wavered on Ben's tiny face. "Thank you honey!" As he ran away to play, I thought, "I love Story Time."

I was recently honored with a request to be the new face of Story Time, the biggest event in the library, due to my outstanding interactions with the children, of which many have special needs like autism. As I read to the children and assist with crafts I am proud to bring joy and knowledge to their lives.

Every time I offer few hours in the library, I am assisting in the creation of a better world one child at a time. With every story I tell, every smile I see, every bracelet I receive, I am a better, happier, more fulfilled person than before. Children are the future and I a proud to be a part of that future.