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Posts by the_astronaut
Joined: Aug 16, 2010
Last Post: Dec 29, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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the_astronaut   
Sep 7, 2010
Undergraduate / "to learn about what makes us human" - my professional goal and academic interest. [5]

Any constructed criticism is valued.

Thanks!

In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or your professional goals.

Dilapidated surroundings. No running water and air conditioning. Disease and terror a part of everyday life. To most, these words do not conjure an image of an ideal office setting. For me, though, this is the type of environment that I have dreamed of travelling to as a staff member of Doctors without Borders, bringing medical attention to places that are drowning in poverty and war.

Ever since I was old enough to immerse myself in magazines such as Time, National Geographic, and Scientific American, I have let my passions in humanitarianism and science flourish. Initially, and, in a way naturally, I believed I was set on majoring in the scientific area such as biology or biochemistry to attain my goal. At the same time, the idea of giving up my love for social studies was dispiriting until, that is, I found my true calling inside the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign's course catalog: anthropology.

Not only does anthropology incorporate a wide breadth of the human development into its studies, it also combines research and analysis of cultural groups and social interactions. Biological anthropology, in particular, is a perfect fit for a prospective pre-medical student such as myself.

As a person who is interested in interactions beyond the cellular and molecular level and who seeks to learn about what makes us human at a global perspective, I believe that the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign would provide me with an invaluable education and a huge helping hand towards my goal.
the_astronaut   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "personal college experience" - Why Northwestern [3]

This is a good essay. The words flow seamlessly into each other, and like the commentator above, I would suggest using more concise, familiar diction.

Good luck on your future college endeavours!
the_astronaut   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / Bates-How did you discover Bates? Why do you wish to attend Bates? [5]

At another time, my U.S. History class took a practice AP test in a Bates' lecture room and got to take a special tour of the campus courtesy of Jared Cash and we ended the day by having a warm meal in the Bates Common.

This sentence seems very long and wordy. I would suggest breaking it up into two.

Otherwise, it is a very honest and well written essay. Good job!
the_astronaut   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / Why Northwestern Essay-past and future [3]

Please critique and comment! Harsh, honest, and thorough comments are much preferred. Thanks!
[essay below]

What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

When I was little, my parents occasionally took me out on a weekend excursion to the campus of Northwestern University. Back then, I did not know I was frolicking in the gardens and beaches belonging to a prestigious, world-class institution. As I grew older, I have not lost the feeling of excitement and anticipation I have always had for the university.

From those childhood memories to my first "official" campus tour, I have had no doubt in my mind that Northwestern was where I wanted to spend the most exciting and challenging four years of my life. At Northwestern, I plan to major in anthropology and possibly have a minor or another major in molecular biology at the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences. I know that this type of learning is possible only at Northwestern; the quarter system is one feature I plan to take full advantage of, crossing my intellectual boundaries by taking more classes during each 10-week session. Through the quarter system, I hope to gain a much thorough understanding of my major without feeling encumbered by many classes at a time.

The amount of freedom that Northwestern endows to its students is paralleled by its classes, which are small and taught by award-winning faculty. I was intrigued by the Freshman Seminars at WCAS; I could not help but be fascinated by seminars titled "Recipes for Reading: Food in Myth, Literature, and Film" and "Waterworld or Star Trek: What's Our Energy Future?" just to name a couple. Being able to fulfill core requirements with fun and intensive classes is one of my favorite aspects about WCAS. Freshman Seminars is a completely unique opportunity that I would wholeheartedly enjoy and hope to partake in.

Other qualities that magnetize me toward Northwestern exist beyond the classrooms and lecture halls. I was touched by the quirkiness of its diverse student body when I saw the famous Rock; at the time of my campus tour, a hopeful undergraduate had proposed to someone via the colorful boulder. The strong sense of pride and creativity of the students are evident through the old, quirky campus traditions such as Dillo Day and Waa-Mu, as well as its countless philanthropic groups. Since I am also passionate about service and humanitarianism, groups such as AIESEC, Operation Smile, and Habitat for Humanity seem catered toward my interests. In addition, I would love to continue my involvement with Amnesty International at Northwestern to further surround myself with those who share a common passion. I dream of living among such a dynamic group of students, and just imagining that I will one day contribute to its energy already makes me feel a part of the Northwestern community.

Northwestern University provides the perfect balance of excellent academics and a fun and energetic atmosphere that I look for in an ideal university. I hope that I will be privileged enough to have Northwestern in my future as it has been a part of my past.
the_astronaut   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "a school to achieve the seemingly impossible dream" Northwestern Supp [3]

"Most universities I find, only have a general "journalism" or "media culture" program,..."

I think you can reword this sentence as the comma placement after "I find" is slightly awkward.

"For me, going to Northwestern would mean travelling to a foreign land, a stranger to the people, a stranger to the customs, a stranger to its culture."

I think you can add colons after "...foreign land" since you list the aspects of studying abroad.

Overall, this is a really, really good essay. It's very specific to your interests! Do you mind telling me how many words its is?
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