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Posts by collegekid27
Joined: Oct 9, 2010
Last Post: Oct 25, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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collegekid27   
Oct 9, 2010
Undergraduate / "Uncle Jim" - Application Essay on family members effect on me [3]

So I was thinking that I might have described him a little too much, and not enough of his impact... any advice/ideas on this?? Thanks, ill reply!!

As I open the door, I usually search for his furrowed outline throughout the room. On one particular day however, the various objects scattered amongst his house caught my attention first, drawing from me more than just a perfunctory glance. A closer view revealed to me the utter simplicity of the man's lifestyle. Antique trinkets lie in no specific order around his den, a living space characteristic to that of a scientist or a Renaissance thinker. Yet, my Great Uncle Jim is neither, and while he is simple in his approach, I rarely give him credit for how much he has taught me.

Before I go on, it is important to note that regardless of relation to Uncle Jim, everyone refers to him as "Uncle". Friends and family alike all call him "Uncle Jim". He is sort of like the figurehead of my family, a man that you would not cross, but that you might seek guidance from. No one is afraid of Uncle Jim because he does not instill fear, but a sense of respect in all of those that he knows.

Any time I asked him about his life, the response was honest as far as I knew. "Well you know Bob; I go to work at the same time each day. I've been working there for close to fifty years by the way. And today's Wednesday, so I have pasta for dinner." I have nothing against his simplicity at all. I actually believe that there is a lot to be learned from the tranquility, though at times I've thought that maybe he deserved a little more variation in his life. But as always with Uncle Jim, there was a surprise in store for me. It took me until the age of about twelve to find out that there was more to Uncle Jim than I had already known. While I do value his humility, I have to admit that I was rather concerned for his mental health when I found out what he had been keeping from me. It turned out that my Uncle Jim actually played for the San Francisco Giants in the MLB, and held a high position in the army during World War 2. "Oh yes, quite an experience that was" he comments with a nonchalant tone.

While teachers, mentors, and similar figures teach with intent, I'm not quite sure I can say the same for Uncle Jim. In fact, I don't know if he realizes that he has taught me anything at all. I have spent a lot of time around him while he carries out everyday tasks, like fixing his computer, or even doing the laundry. He doesn't speak very much when he does these things, but I'm quite observant, and his little perfection driven tricks rarely slip past me. Like when he waits exactly ten seconds after cooking something in the microwave before he opens the door. I started counting three years ago, and it has always been the same.

My uncle Jim has never sat me down to engage in an informative conversation. He has never consciously directed me to perform any particular task. If he's ever scolded me, it's been with a fleeting glance of disappointment, but nothing more. And while communicating slowly becomes difficult for him, he teaches me just as much as ever. He inspires by example, a trait that I cannot ignore. My respect for him continues to grow. Although he has never actually said it before, my Uncle Jim has communicated a very strong message to me: as powerful as words may be, only action can move the world.
collegekid27   
Oct 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "Dancing Clams" - New common app Review [13]

I think you use alot of your essay to explain a real basic example of how you are sensitive. Sensitivity towards meat and clams can only describe you for so long. I think you should cut it off early, and start explaining in more depth how sensitive you are now, instead of relating it to winny the poo and what not when you were younger. Adcoms like students who can explain themselves and their qualities. It's too easy to explain a childs, because its all very basic.

But for the most part I like the idea... the above is just what struck me in the beginning, it seemed like it carried on for too long.

If you dont agree than I dont blame you.. I have a unique writing style and im too critical of risk sometimes, so go with your gut!
collegekid27   
Oct 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "The Limit Does Not Exist" Common App Activity Essay [13]

I like this alot. It shows a determined side of you. I would agree that vocab is best used in the informal kind of essays. This is almost like a chance to speak to the admissions office face to face, by explaining the activity. Would you use that type of word? Maybe you would!

It's fine though, I thought I could just provide another perspective as to what the first person was talking about.
collegekid27   
Oct 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "I am human" - Common App supplement [5]

Yaaa I like this alot. It's good to shed light on your ethnicity, as it will aid you in the admission process. You mention that you "realized that your chinese pride was overbearing", and you go on to explain how you now see yourself equal to everyone else (in a nutshell)... my sugesstion is that you do not bring your ethnicity up again to the adcoms, via an essay, or personal statement, or anything. It will provide a sense of humility of who you are, and this essay will be more unique if it's the only one in your file that explains your background like this. (also it would be contradicting to mention it again if you now see yourself as equal)...

glad I could help.
collegekid27   
Oct 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "my eclectic personality" - Stanford Roommate Supplement Essay [4]

I feel like you can do a better job when it comes to explaining your "eclectic" personality. Alot of this just makes it seem like you have ADHD, and an unorganized demeanor about you. Use this as an opportunity to reveal something about you to admissions, something that draws them into who you are besides your writing style and ability to speak lightly of your lack of concentration.

Read some others, and see how they are able to cheat a little by telling the admissions office a strong quality about them that they couldn't normally reveal, but would be able to tell a peer (roommate)
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