Posts by hpscotsgirl

hpscotsgirl

Oct 12, 2010

Essays / being assaulted: is this a topic of interest (safety of students on college campus) [3]

could i write about being assaulted? if so, how can i write an essay about it without being too cheesy /vying for pity points?

hpscotsgirl

Oct 12, 2010

Writing Feedback / a change of heart and different view on life [5]

not testing my patiences: testing my patience.
losing my patiences: losing my patience

It definitely needs to be longer, but I like the gist of it. Try to make it maybe a little more formal, you sound like your talking to a fellow student: dont write it like a letter, write it like an essay.

hpscotsgirl

Oct 12, 2010

Undergraduate / Better to Tell the Truth than to Lie + My Parents and Art: UC Essays [5]

I like prompt 2, but you should really use the one thats truthful, because they may really like it and if they find out it was all a lie, they wouldnt be too happy. But overall I like your tone and structure.

hpscotsgirl

Oct 12, 2010

Graduate / "the Dance team talents" - Major obstacles faced in life and how you overcame them [5]

I dont like how short and choppy your sentances are: give more details and flow more. But i do like your topic, and want to see what else you can do with it! :)