Writing Feedback / "The Business of being Born" essay [3]

*This is an essay I wrote for a sociology class but is also being submitted to a college. Please give me feedback. Thank you!

The Business of Being Born has presented me with the idea that Americans, specifically women, are easily deceived. It seems as if birth would be a natural yet thoughtful event for a mother as well as her partner. However, birth has been depicted as everything other than that. For years women have allowed society and media to manipulate their births through technology, economics, and other unnatural practices.

Society has grown to believe that technology can solve all problems. The use of technology has become extremely popular during the birth process by use of doctors. Obviously, technology is not 100 percent safe because there has been an increase in birth complications when technology such as ultrasounds and various medications were used during pregnancy. The technology that is used in hospitals has done more damage to the infant long-term which shows the lack of research in this area. Instead of progressing, we have regressed in terms of medical births.

I think that since midwives are cheaper than typical OBGYN's, women have grown to classify them as less efficient. Hospitals are depicted as institutions for health but they are actually businesses. Like any other business, hospitals expand from the payments they receive from their patients. In the early 1900s, hospitals were going through financial troubles. This is when they changed their policies and exploited midwives. Midwives were presented to society as uneducated and indecent. Because mothers wanted the best for their unborn children, they started having births at hospitals. Little did they know that the hospitals planned the whole thing in order to gain riches and not to benefit the health of mothers.

I find it quite amazing how birth has become so technical. It has been portrayed as this dreadful and outlandish process but we have forgotten its true state. Birth is one the most natural processes that humans, better yet mammals experience. We see in the movies and shows how women have to push and scream ridiculously when none of that is necessary. Infants are essentially the ones who choose when their birth happens. So why do we force birth? In hospitals, forceful procedures such as caesarean sections are performed as a quick way to generate more money for the hospital. Extreme procedures like that should only be performed in emergency situations. Otherwise, unnatural interferences can result in major complications.

The irony in modern birth is that those who have never experienced birth are somehow convincing women that they are incapable of a natural birth. Women are the ones who know best because nature is something that is not learned, it just takes place. I am shocked that the corruption that has taken place revolving "birth" has changed the entire mind sets of a people. This shows how effortless it is to control a nations mind through the one thing that creates us all.

Undergraduate / "Passion for Fashion" - UC essay prompt [4]

*Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

* I need plenty of feedback and tips for revision

As those lights started flashing, my knees buckled and stomach filled with butterflies. It was the moment I had been waiting for and there I was a nervous wreck. That changed as the first model wearing my design stepped foot on that runway. I wished that that moment could be infinite. It was then when I officially decided that fashion designing was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I just knew that I could make a business out of it.

It all started when I was asked to design my own costume for the spring dance recital. The instructors saw how mature my designs were compared to the other kids. They knew that I had a gift before I did and asked me to become a member of the costume crew. One of the dance instructors had recently graduated college with a degree in fashion marketing . She later became my mentor and taught me everything I needed to know about fashion design. Ever since then, you couldn't keep me off of a sewing machine.

During high school, I became the go to girl for prom dresses. The entire spring season I was extremely busy sewing up a storm. I started to become more serious about my work and searched for ways to market myself. My mentor thought that I should try to get some exposure, so I did just that. I applied for many jobs and internships but I kept receiving the same reply. Everyone said that I was to young. One day while browsing the internet, I saw an add about an upcoming fashion show. I entered two of my designs and submitted my application. About a week later, I received a call saying that my designs were chosen for the fashion show but I needed an interview with the Pr.

When it was time for my interview, I was extremely nervous about revealing my age. When I walked into the room, I was greeted and then the man asked " Exactly how old are you again"? My stomach dropped instantly and I replied. The man stood there in aw. He though that my designs were extremely chiq and creative especially knowing my age and lack of training. My confidence immediately was boosted and my nervous jitters diminished.

The fashion show was a pretty big deal for me because I was just a rookie. The established designers were extremely intimidating but I didn't let them scare me. I was honored to be in a room full of such amazing artists. When my name was called for the upcoming designers section, my entire future flashed before my eyes. I realized that my fate was just beginning to flourish.