"Passion for Fashion" - UC essay prompt

*Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

* I need plenty of feedback and tips for revision

As those lights started flashing, my knees buckled and stomach filled with butterflies. It was the moment I had been waiting for and there I was a nervous wreck. That changed as the first model wearing my design stepped foot on that runway. I wished that that moment could be infinite. It was then when I officially decided that fashion designing was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I just knew that I could make a business out of it.

It all started when I was asked to design my own costume for the spring dance recital. The instructors saw how mature my designs were compared to the other kids. They knew that I had a gift before I did and asked me to become a member of the costume crew. One of the dance instructors had recently graduated college with a degree in fashion marketing . She later became my mentor and taught me everything I needed to know about fashion design. Ever since then, you couldn't keep me off of a sewing machine.

During high school, I became the go to girl for prom dresses. The entire spring season I was extremely busy sewing up a storm. I started to become more serious about my work and searched for ways to market myself. My mentor thought that I should try to get some exposure, so I did just that. I applied for many jobs and internships but I kept receiving the same reply. Everyone said that I was to young. One day while browsing the internet, I saw an add about an upcoming fashion show. I entered two of my designs and submitted my application. About a week later, I received a call saying that my designs were chosen for the fashion show but I needed an interview with the Pr.

When it was time for my interview, I was extremely nervous about revealing my age. When I walked into the room, I was greeted and then the man asked " Exactly how old are you again"? My stomach dropped instantly and I replied. The man stood there in aw. He though that my designs were extremely chiq and creative especially knowing my age and lack of training. My confidence immediately was boosted and my nervous jitters diminished.

The fashion show was a pretty big deal for me because I was just a rookie. The established designers were extremely intimidating but I didn't let them scare me. I was honored to be in a room full of such amazing artists. When my name was called for the upcoming designers section, my entire future flashed before my eyes. I realized that my fate was just beginning to flourish.

your description and background of fashion is good but you need to write how your passion for fashion relates to you because "i realized that my fate was just beginning to flourish" doesn't answer the question. check your spelling for chiq because i don't think that's correct and spelling matters for an admission essay.

We get the point that you love fashion, but I think you should expand that point and connect it to what you will plan to do in the future. And, give that a little more detail. Otherwise, a very good job so far!

Thanks guys!!!!!