Writing Feedback / Regret (the graffiti walls in the cell) - manslaughter essay [4]

Some one please help me edit this essay!!! am taking my exams in less than 24 hours!! Change my words if inappropriate,tenses,grammer,and anything that is good. Please give your comments and feedback!!!!! I really need it,thanks.

REGRET

I could still remember her face, and the pair of intense eyes framed by dark circles of fatigue, staring at me defiantly from the pallor of her face. She hated me to the core; she cursed me even at the brink of her death. Anguished sobs wracked my body as my splintered heart throbbed out a painful, aching beat. I knew clearly that my regret and remorse would never turn the clock back.

Facing the graffiti walls in the cell, holding on to her favourite doll that I gave her as her birthday present, it reminded me of the painful past that would be etched in my heart forever...

I had lost my job for more than a year. Since then, I had taken up the job as an odd-job labourer. Every now and then, I would go to the bar for a drink. That was the only way to pour out all the sorrows that had been pooled in my stomach. I had four children ranging from three to fourteen years old. Being the sole breadwinner, I could not control my emotions and had been quarrelling relentlessly with my wife and beating up her and the children. How could I make ends meet and raise the family up single-handedly? No one could ever understand the frustrations in my heart that was hurting me both physically and mentally...

"Father! Can you just stop howling and yelling? You are scaring the brothers and sisters! Stop! When can you be back to your usual self?" Jane, my eldest daughter pleaded with me.

"I can yell at you whenever I want! I'm your father!" Adrenaline jolted my veins as I thundered. My whole world was spinning in circles, my nerves frayed and exposed. I felt the urge to punch anyone provoking me. The alcohol circulating in me had radiated intense heat throughout my body. I clenched my fists, all ready.

Jane stood up and stared at me with disdain in her cold eyes. At the sight of it, I crashed my fist into the small-puckered face and sent Jane reeling to the far end of the room. I strode resolutely in her direction and continued to bash her up. Jane was squeaking in pain. I was totally oblivious of the cacophony of screeches of my children, before my wife, Adeline, pulled Jane towards her chest.

"Mike, you are killing her! When can you stop all these drinking and nonsense! Enough of these! I am divorcing you!" Adeline screamed.

I pushed her away and my fists went in the direction of Jane's stomach and face, non-stop. She crouched into a ball on the floor, whimpering in pain and trying in vain to ward off my balled fists with her scrawny, bruised arms, but my blood was raging like a river and I continued to kick viciously at her for her insolence.

"Whoosh!" I could feel a downpour of water from the top of my head to my feet. I felt a sudden surge of coldness as I shivered and gritted my teeth. I felt a stinging slap across my face and what came to my eyes was the sight of a pale, semi-conscious Jane, lying motionlessly on the concrete floor.

Jane twitched. Her eyes began to brim with tears. Her lips trembled and she whispered in an aggrieved tone laced with pure hatred, "I would never forgive you. You drunkard! If I died, you would never have a single day of happiness in your life!"

With a face of misery, Jane finally breathed her last. "You killed her, you killed your own daughter, you ruthless father!" Adeline sobbed bitterly.

My world stopped, my heart sank into an abyss of misery. Looking at Jane's lifeless, frail body, I brushed her hair, trying to smooth the wild hair in disarray. "I killed Jane, my beloved daughter...", I thought as I stroked her cheeks affectionately. I was a murderer, of my own child. Why did I not control myself? My heart was in total mess.

Her death caused my life to turn topsy-turvy. After all these months, her face, with the hatred and vengeance, still remained in the depths of my heart. I felt wrenching remorse within me.

I was sentenced to death for manslaughter. The kaleidoscope of all her childhood images were now flashing through my mind...her impish grin when she played a prank on me, her radiant smile when she had gotten good grades in her studies... I stepped into the gallows, awaiting for my death.

Writing Feedback / "About my flight and hijackers" - Improving on my narrative essay for O levels [3]

Some one please help me edit this essay!!! am taking my exams in less than 24 hours!! Change my words if inappropriate,tenses,grammer,and anything that is good. Tell me how to improve on my essay(the flashback part) and other parts. Help me to edit the sentences. Please give your comments and feedback!!!!! I really need it,thanks.

When the captain announced over the intercom that my flight was about to take off soon, I felt a surge of jitters going through my stomach. I had always hated taking flights and I knew that for the next few hours, I was in for a hard time. The cheerful faces of the air stewardess were a stark contrast to my pale and ashen face. I felt the plane gathering momentum as it lifted off from the runway.

I had hardly recovered from the trauma of taking off when the hijacking occurred. One of the passengers clad in a flowing trench coat suddenly stood up and shouted wildly in a foreign language, grabbing a pistol in his right hand. The passengers shrieked in fear and the composed faces of the air stewardess were transformed into fear. From an adjoining aisle, one of the hijacker's compatriots came into the cabin and muttered some instructions.

What followed was sheer hell as the hijackers stationed themselves at each end of the aisle to keep a watchful eye on the passengers. To my utter dismay, I realized that the plane was landing, I had to go through another terrible ordeal as the plane landed bumpily back on the runway.

Throughout this time, we had no knowledge whatsoever of what the hijackers wanted. There was only a tense silence that permeated the entire cabin as the passengers stared stonily at the vicious looking hijackers. From my window seat, I saw some army trucks surrounding the plane and loads of armed personnel scurrying about on the runway. For the umpteen times since I boarded the plane, I felt nauseous and panic overwhelming me.

Hours passed without any visible sign of progress in the situation. The situation came to a standstill as my nerves started to calm down. I saw the runway gathering darkness as nightfall descended. The hijackers remained like some demon sentinels without a trace of emotion. Suddenly, there was an angry shout from an adjacent cabin and the leaders of the hijackers stormed furiously into our cabin. One of them dragged me out with his powerful hands, gripping me by the hair. I screamed as he pulled me towards the entrance. I felt excruciating pain all over me and struggled to keep myself from losing consciousness. Some women screamed in horror and started hiding.

What followed was swift and sudden. As the hijackers opened the hatch of the cabin, suddenly a muffled explosion was heard and the lights in the plane went off. There were loud cries of terror and the crack of gunshots. Within seconds, the light came back on and we saw the police subduing the hijackers. The rescue operation had taken less than five minutes. The hijackers were caught.