Undergraduate / "Born in Mexico City, I came to the United States" - UC prompt 1: Plastic Life [4]

Hello, I would like to get extreme help with my personal statement. I am not the best writer; thus, a bit of help would be priceless. Its a little over the limit but through revision I will modify it. Thanks!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Born in Mexico City, I came to the United States when I was seven years old, insubstantially armed with a modicum of two words (please and thank-you) yet contained a powerful weapon; a mindset which my family has engraved in me of a better education, a better life

I was in middle school when I finally understood two things: the definition of an illegal immigrant and sexuality. I am the definition of an illegal immigrant. As a kid, I was not conscious of my surroundings; thus, I was very naïve and oblivious pertaining to my status in this country. Through recurrent Breaking News adds on the newspaper about deportations and everyday conversations about the topic, it made me question numerous things. Is the police going to deport me too? When am I going to be able to see my family once again? Will I be able to drive? But most importantly, how was I going to attend college and why was I attracted to boys.

I realized that my ticket to success was education and thus had to act upon it. My perpetual thirst for knowledge and intangible ambitions has kept me busy for the past 10 years I have been in this country. I have achieved excellent grades, been an outstanding athlete and person through hard work and proved to myself that dedication makes everything possible; however, my legal status and homosexuality transformed me into an emotionless, dormant, plastic human with a desire to fit in and be like everyone else. Be American!

Everyone who knows me thinks of me as the smart, hard-working, unique Mexican who is always smiling, yet little do they know that I hide all my feelings behind my skin mask. During school, I swim gently through all my classes yet drown when I get home. My sexuality with the help of my legal status has made me think of suicide. There were times where I could no longer take the pressure of wanting to be like everyone else and the only way to rid of my shame, fear and loneliness was death. Fortunately I overcame my fear of what people would think by flooding out my emotions and thoughts that I had kept in so long to the people who I trust the most. I look at my mom everyday and remember why we are here in the United States: for me to have a better education and life than she did.

My so-called defects have encouraged me to excel in my duties. I don't want to attend college to prove to people that an illegal gay Catholic Latino can accomplish that, but rather due to self-motivation and desire of wanting to exceed. Not being able to travel has impacted my interest in learning about different cultures and languages; thus, I would like to pursue a career in communications. Furthermore, the Dream Act is something I keep updated and never lose faith on. I know I am not standing alone; therefore, I would enjoy helping and counseling people who are going through what I have gone through and still going through. I have a dream. I dream that one day, I will be able to drive, travel, vote, and work legally. Something people take granted for. Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to.

Undergraduate / naive child, big world UC Prompt 2 [2]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I started American school - second grade - at the age of 7, insubstantially armed with a modicum of two words (please and thank-you) yet contained a powerful weapon; the Spanish I grew up with. I was petrified as I pulled my feet out of the rusty car and stepped onto the premises of Blackford Elementary School. My heart raced uncontrollably and my eyes drowned in a pool of tears. I stood, confused and helpless, in the midst of a stampede surrounded by countless incomparable faces. I swallowed the lump in my throat and wiped the tears from my eyes as I found my classroom. I entered the first day to my new life, room 12.

My family left everything in Mexico arriving in America with nothing but three expensive, bodiless phenomena: love, dedication, and support. I didn't live off of food and water but rather fed from the three substances, which motivated me everyday, especially on my first day at Blackford; I entered room 12, a colorful room filled with groups of desks, posters, whiteboards and computers, all of which I didn't know existed. Ms. Matheson asked my name as I sobbed, yet no response came from my mouth due to my insufficiency of English; therefore, I was seated next to Crystal Dimas, the only bilingual (Spanish and English) girl in the class, the only friend I made that day.

Everyday that passed, my thirst for expanding my knowledge of English intensified. I watched cartoons in English, persistently practiced talking in front of the mirror, and read books; thus, my English fluency drastically improved within a year. Being equipped now with English, I was capable of not only comprehending words coming from Ms. Matheson, but also phrases and paragraphs coming from everyone! I no longer felt like an outsider but rather a native, an American.

Being exposed to multiple tongues and nationalities, my curiosity for languages initiated. I look back at the first day of elementary school and learn from my paramount accomplishment; I managed to learn a language within a year. Not only am I bilingual and bicultural, but also transforming into a multilingual person. Spanish once used to be my only weapon in this alien country but now contain two more: English and Italian.