Undergraduate / The Death of My Parents into a Bright Light. [2]

Hello, I need help editing my UC Part 1 personal statement. It over 600 (619) and I would thank you guys for helping me narrow this closer to 500 words. Please feel free to make any criticisms, and addition of words or sentences it make the essay sound better. Thank you very much for your help. I sincerely appreciate it. P.S.- A good title for this essay will be appreciated

While evaluating the essay question I would respond to, I came to realize what a different world I came from. I was born and raised in Pakistan, and I lived a common life there for nine years, but in 4th grade I lost my parents in a tragic auto accident. After the death of my parents, I was adopted by a great aunt and her husband in California at age ten, after which I've lived a very different life and faced significant challenges that have helped form my dreams and aspirations.

When I first heard of the death of my parents, I became baffled with my belief that doctors are the hope and healers of all the pain in the world. Knowing that many people survive car accidents, I couldn't accept the fact that my parents couldn't. There, my anger against doctors grew as I blamed them for killing my parents, and I felt that doctors only work for fame and greed, rather than from the goodness of their hearts. But, my ignorance of doctors proved me wrong when I was to have a surgery that determined my life.

One summer day, I had brunch with my family at Baja Fresh. Just two hours after the meal, my stomach grew heavy with excruciating pain from every angle within. Sickened with vomits, I was rushed to an Emergency Room where I learned that my appendix was about to burst, leaving my body susceptible to fatal poison. Thinking that I may end up like my birth parents, I couldn't do anything but just hold on to my dear life.

However, my view on life changed when I met my surgeon. The presence of his gentle smile, and his words "you will be alright" somehow restored all my energy and hope. There I learned something different, and so different from my past belief, that it inspired and changed my life forever. I could feel the kindness and the sincerity of the surgeon and nurses as they held my hands before entering surgery. A few tear drops dripped over my face, not tears of pain but tears of pure joy and happiness, knowing that I would be OK.

After recuperating from the surgery, I came to appreciate the professionalism of physicians. Their excellence in healing the sick inspired me to become a doctor. Soon enough, I started my education in America as a 9th grader, and I've gone through a lot of challenges such as learning a new language and adapting to a new culture. With the help of my wonderful community, family, and friends, I've been able to fulfill my American dream by picking up the life I left behind in Pakistan and excelling at school while building a life with real promise for the future.

From my experience with surgery, I formed a club called Club M.D. that discusses a broad spectrum of physician careers and their service to humanity. Also, I was able to use my community service hours by becoming a committee of Junior Auxiliary at my local hospital where I delivered books and food to the sick, and ran errands for the nurses. There I've become familiar with the future career I aspire to have.

In addition, my parents have inspired me by their actions to do great things in life by giving back to the community, just as they adopted me. I plan to give back by volunteering at Doctors without Borders, perhaps in Kenya where many of the people suffer from AIDS and from the amputation of legs due to land mines. My experience in losing my parents and being treated for appendicitis has transformed my life and inspired me to do what I had hated.

Undergraduate / "Born and raised in Iceland; The crispy apple to the riches." - my life as a journey [4]

Hello, I love this forum and all the wonderful people. I was wondering if I could get some editing done for these essay. Thank you so much. Like I would need help shortening it, and deleting stuff I don't need etc. Extra elite vocabulary will be kudos. Thank you so much!

My life has been quite a journey. I was born and raised in Iceland and I lived a common life for nine year, but in 4th grade I lost my parents due to a tragic auto accident. After the death of my parents, I was adopted by a great aunt and her husband in California at age ten, after which I've had to live a very different life. I was blessed to have a loving family and opportunities in America where I was able to accomplish in adapting to a new life while learning to face adversities that come in life.

Coming to California wasn't quite like coming to a land of gold. With a very different culture and life style then I've had back at home, I found myself struck with challenges. One of the biggest challenges may have been learning the English language where I had difficulties with communicating with my peers. I still remember to this day when I came home crying on the first day of school because I felt like I was in a land of aliens. Believing one day I will speak just like my friends, I started learning English by reading baby books and progressed from there.

However with every challenge, there were also accomplishments that I achieved. With biggest of all, I've adapted to a new life where I have loving family and friends. With support of their help, I was able to achieve great things in my life that led to who I am today. I achieved my English proficiency in my freshman year after much perseverance to become like an American. I felt so relieved that after all the troubles of being made fun of, I was able to achieve one of my dream goals. I've also learned to appreciate diversity from living in a new family where I learned that what America is about. People from different countries come to pursue their dreams with the wonderful opportunities the country provides. I've succeed making a better life for myself, and accomplished with all the academic and athletic achievements I've made during my time here.

I was able to learn to face challenges, and motivated to accomplish my goals. Now with the opportunity that is given to me by excelling at school, I'm even more motivated to become a great doctor in the future with foundation of great education I will get. This will surely build the foundation of my future, but as a man as well. I'm very proud with the accomplishments I made, and it relates to the person I am because I'm a true believer and motivated to do the best I can to achieve my goals. I learned to endure through many difficult challenges, but in the end, I can satisfy my accomplishments with help of loving friends and family that will guide me on the way.