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"International student, Girl Scouts" - me and my qualities personal statement


imuyaote 2 / 1  
Nov 25, 2010   #1
Prompt #2 :Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

I am international student, so I know there are many grammer mistakes. But I would like you
to check the content.

One accomplishment I am most proud is my ability to lead people that was built up in Girl Scouts activities. The activity as the leader in Girl Scouts gave me opportunities to cultivate an initiative and flexibility. Through the Girl Scouts activity, I became able to have abilities to draw up new plans, support my members, and solve the problems.

I joined the Girl Scout because of having interest their activities like volunteers. I sometimes met the Girl Scouts who were driving a fundraising campaign and cleaning up the streets and their activities gave me an idea that I would like to be the member the Girl Scouts and help people in my town. The activities in the Girl Scout valued us to be independent; therefore, in the camps and volunteers, we chose to decide what we should do.

As the leader in Girl Scouts, I realized the difficulty of being initiative and being flexibility. When I became the leader, although I simply felt glad to be chosen, I was also put under strong pressure to unify thirty members of Scouts. However, as the leader, I could succeed in new volunteer plan that sent relief supplies to refugees in Afghanistan. It was difficult challenging because we started this from zero. In order to raise relief goods and send these goods correctly, I researched their diets. Also, I accepted many opinions from my members and decided what we can do or not. Then, not only normal driving a fundraising campaign in the street but also I tried in new ways such as ordering local TV to cover our volunteers, visit festivals, and put the poster on the street. Finally, we collected enough money and supplies. Through this volunteer, being leader encouraged to be initiative and flexible. Perhaps most importantly, I gained the ability to think independently and think critically about problems.

Being leader in Girl Scouts also encouraged my life positively. Before being leader, I did not have self confidence in my ability so that I always followed my parents and teachers. However, with a confident my personality, I tried to challenge many things. Although my parents and the teacher opposed my studying abroad, I persuaded them patiently and came to the United States for going to the university. Here, I joined Japanese class as volunteer, badminton club, and international club. Studying abroad is also difficult challenging, however, my personalities like initiative and flexibility encouraged to live a full life.

mustgetin2u 2 / 3  
Nov 25, 2010   #2
I'm writing about same prompt for the UC. Your thoughts are well writeen but one think I would mention is add more personal experiences such as how through girls scouts, it made you who you are today, and what you mostly learned. But overall it's really good.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 7, 2010   #3
One accomplishment that makes me I am most proud is my ability to lead people that was ...

If you say 'people that was' it is confusing. We should change it:

is my ability to lead; I learned to lead durin g Girl Scouts activities.

The activity as the Being a leader in Girl Scouts gave me opportunities ...

I joined the Girl Scouts because of having interest their activities like volunteers in volunteering.

Being leader in Girl Scouts also encouraged my life positively.---I think you could find a more creative way to write this TOPIC SENTENCE for the paragraph. Can you find some imagery words to replace the word "positively"...

...persuaded them patiently and came to the United States for going to the for education. university .

:-)


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