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Posts by kalieellison
Joined: Nov 27, 2010
Last Post: Nov 28, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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kalieellison   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "My parents divorced.." - personal information, UT AUSTIN PROMPT C [3]

Prompt: There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

My essay-
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my parents stayed married. Sometimes I wish I could see them happy, and not have to remember them fighting. Maybe it would have been better that way, to have them together and have a whole family than to have this broken one.

I ask myself if that's the answer.
My parents divorced when I was three years old, a pretty average story, considering the divorce rate in the United States today. People aren't happy with each other any more. Its not like I remember them together. I only have one picture with my dad, my mom, and myself. The thing I do remember is the years that followed.

I remember how nasty the divorce was. I remember it making the news. I remember how bad it was to be carted between the two of them, acting like children communicating only through lawyers. Over what? It's not like my parents had money. It's not like they were fighting over who would get the house or who would get the dog. They were fighting over little old me.

My father was remarried a few months after the divorce, and yes all hell broke loose. I was mad and angry at my father for not loving my mother, but finding it in him to love this wretched woman. Someone that I could care less about, someone that was careless about me. Again, I was still young 4 years old perhaps. I remember how violent it got, between my step brother and I.

Years passed and my first step mom passed away due to health problems. My step brother was arrested for possession of illegal substances on multiple occasions. Non of this bothered me, none of it pushed me emotionally as what was about to happen.

My father fell in love again. This time with a women named April.
Everything changed. Suddenly I became his daughter again. Suddenly he cared about me, and my accomplishments. And over the next few years I became what he loved as well. The only thing that bothered me was the fact that he loved April as well. My selfishness wanted my father all to myself. I wasn't willing to share him. I moved to Texas, which strained our relationship harder. He had work. At first he was visiting me all the time. Once a month at least, But gradually he stopped calling, and his visits were longer spaned maybe 3 times a year. We kept in touch, he is my dad after all.

But I couldn't help blame April. I mean who does this women think she is? Taking my father away from me when I had just gotten him back?

It challenged me to even think of this women part of my family. She was a homewrecker. She was taking him away.
Then came October of 2008, when my father was to be remarried in Las Vegas, to this women who in my mind was taking him away. The day started out okay enough. I spent it strolling along the strip with my grandparents. I couldn't help think, that in a few hours my father was going to be wed to a stranger. One I could not accept as an Ellison. My mother and I were running late to the ceremony, as always, and took the remaining two seats in the front of the outdoor chapel. We sat, made small talk, and my mother could see my growing nerves. She knew this was hard for me. To see another woman marry my father. Someone that wasn't her. She would never be my mother.

As April stepped through the door and the wedding march played, I have never felt so stupid. This woman was perfect for my father, she made him happier than I have ever seen him, he smiled more, he loved more. I know she would never be my mother, and she had never ever tried to replace her. I cried that day. But not because I was angry, but because my dad was finally happy.

So I overcame the challenge of letting a stranger step into my family.
We are an odd one at that. I have 5 sets of grandparents and endless amounts of cousins. But because of April I have learned to be more patient and to not be so selfish. My family is stretched all the way from Texas to Georgia. It still isn't entirely easy for me to watch my father love another woman, but hey on the Brightside I get more presents on Christmas due to my new grandparents. More to love.

I'm not sure if i like it or not.
I need feedback on weather or not this fits, and any errors you spot.
please and thank you!
kalieellison   
Nov 28, 2010
Undergraduate / Animal Rights: UT-Issue of Personal Importance [8]

Hi!
I'm in the process of writing an essay along the same lines.
I think you do need to expand on your conclusion a little
you end it a bit abruptly.
I also thought the introduction was a bit out of place, I would suggest trying to connect that better.

Otherwise I loved your essay, keep trucking!
Just a few more days!
kalieellison   
Nov 28, 2010
Undergraduate / How Marching band made me physically and mentally stronger - UC Prompt #2 [3]

"Hey, you're in the marching band right? Good job at the parade!" someone asked me. I answered, "Yes I am, thanks!" People see bands at a parade and listen to them at the school football games, but being a part of the group is unique experience.

i would expand this into a full introduction paragraph.

expand on how it made you stronger, it's a bit dull to read.
try and capture the readers attention a bit more.

i like the theme, though, and the quotes at the beginning.
good luck!
kalieellison   
Nov 28, 2010
Undergraduate / Pollution for my kids, UT AUSTIN PROMPT B- an issue of importance [2]

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

As I trudged through the foot of snow on my way to school last February, I stopped and thought to myself, "why don't I do this more often?" Granted, North Texas doesn't usually get a foot of snow in the winter, but I wondered why I haven't ever trekked the 3 miles to school and back. It's absolutely beautiful weather, besides the fact that I had lost feeling in my toes. All weather is stunning, nature is stunning, the world is honestly stunning. The thing is, the way we are headed; my children won't get to see the beauty that I do. It's slowly, but surly affecting all of us.

Animals are losing their habitats; we are literally destroying their homes for our "big business." We also are killing them recklessly, in animal farming. Hardly being able to be called farming, animal farming is one of the biggest contributions to pollution. Production of one pound of beef emits the green house gases equivalent to driving an SUV for 40 miles. It takes 2,464 gallons of water to produce one pound of beef in California. This is the same amount of water you would use if you took a seven-minute shower every day for six entire months. This high amount of pollution is destroying our skies, killing our animals and harming our land.

Most of the cars we drive are also major factors of air pollution. Mankind drives these massive almost monster cars, that are known to get very few miles to the gallon. We use fossil fuels to power our cars, and that itself depletes the earth. Every little thing we do harms our home.

Honestly? I know that most of this cannot be avoided. I know that we are all guilty of contributing to the pollution problem. I also know that we can take little steps to help slow down it's effects. Take shorter showers, try a veggie burger instead of a hamburger, slow down on the fast food, take a walk instead driving everywhere, and make sure the products you use are environmentally friendly. I'd like to live in a beautiful world when I get older, and I'd like my kids to be able to lay out and look at the stars, or take a long walk through a foot of snow, and enjoy the beauty of our earth.

any suggestions? please and thank you!
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