Undergraduate / "How to survive a Zombie Apocalypse" HMC Supplement [9]

think up of

maximize

aqueous --> i think aquatic would work better, since aqueous is a chemistry term, but your call

uhh..do zombies die of natural causes?

so, by apocalypse, do you mean that the Earth turns to rubble or the people just get infected, leaving structures and buildings intact ?

manoeuver or maneuver, personally i like the latter

download the Internet?

cool topic :) it may be too fantasy-based, however, and doesn't really show much about you

Undergraduate / "until I met Victoria" - Essay about changing as a person. [5]

after all that is what we are meant to believe in this society.
kinda vague and not really true(?)

When I tried calling her she wouldn't respond or make up some lame excuse.
gives off a bitter tone, maybe "Unfortunately, things didn't turn out as I expected." just so it's not too negative

i like that it's really heartfelt :) but in a college essay you shouldn't use words like "pissed" or "lame"

make it a little more formal :)

Undergraduate / "While learning French..." - Brown University short answer essay [3]

i like the idea, but i think your focusing your entire essay basically on this one word: gourmand, then in the last two sentences you finally get to answering the question

maybe talk about a specific event while you were in France that sparked your interest.
:)

Undergraduate / Brown University: Piano Academy, An intellectual Experience [4]

interesting, but I think it's full of too many generalizations, like 'Passion is the key factor in any endeavor' -- it's also a cookie-cutter eye-opening experience essay unless you individualize it.

"People may claim that their research in science or their achievements in a math competition are examples of an "intellectual experience," but in reality, a heartfelt passion for their activities defines their success. A pianist that plays every single note correctly in a performance is not as successful as a pianist who makes a few mistakes, but plays with their heart and soul on their fingertips."

here as well, you're not talking about yourself, but a vague "pianist" in general and "people"'

you have to delve more into the specifics, things that are only about YOU, and could not be referred to about anyone else.

hope that helped. :)

Undergraduate / "turn my ideas into a contribution of society" - Why Columbia [5]

maybe find a way to make it more personal, because if you think about it, thousands of these "why columbia?" essays are going to say the same exact thing

Undergraduate / For Arts and Sciences Applicants, "D.U.K.E" why duke essay [6]

hm.. I would say leave it to keep the acrostic poem effect.

maybe say 'no longer wait' instead of "wait no longer"

i think it's very good :) good luck in the process!