Undergraduate / "My journey in America as a Self-proclaimed Gypsy" - BU - about Culture Shock? [3]

Sounds quite awesome so far! Just a few things I would edit about it:

Most of these voyages were vacations, and they only lasted a couple of days, but we would dohave so many tours every year that it felt like we spent more time in other places rather than our home. But There was one particular experience that left a big--Just seems unnecessary, but could be left in :) imprint on me. The one that changed my outlook on life forever. Brace yourself, this is a tale that has yet to be told.--Feels more natural if left out.

So we said goodbye to our familiar home that filled with memories and head for a new adventure, this time actually--Could be replaced with a dash living in a foreign country. We left without a trace of doubt in our minds whether we would be able to handle it or not. We left without a doubt in our minds that we could handle it. After all, we've travelled traveled to different places multiple times already!

Hollywood's movie magic truly did a great job at portraying this place as the ultimate paradise, with those twinkly skyscrapers and incredibly beautiful human beings who seemed to float (as opposed to walk). instead of walk. No one from the outside of the United States would have thought that this magical land would have a dark side.

But the thought of actually standing on the land of in the United States really blew my mind.

Then reality hit us like a slap on the face - quick and impactful.a quick impact. The barrier between the languageslanguage barrierand customs sunk in like a Titanic was dropping down on us .reliving history on the Titanic.

Being in a big city, everybody seemed to be veryoverly cautious. They always seemed to put themselves first before others . On the outside, they appeared as these super niceto be kind people who would pour their hearts out to help another person, but little did we know that most of those flowery words were all lies. They would make promises to us, but when we needed them the most, they pretended like they didn't know what we were talking about. Most of the people we met also possessed this ability that can help themthe ability to transform into a totally different person in a second. They could be extremely sweet to you, but if you somehow made them angry, they can turn into these viciously catty people and could turn their backs on you almost instantaneously . instantly. Of course they were some genuinelynicegenuine people, but finding them was like searching for a real diamond in a cubic zirconium lab. My family and I were born and raised in an environment where people were very straightforward in what they liked or did not likeand disliked, and if they were to help a person in need, they would rather do it with actions instead ofthan words. Disappointed with the people that we met, we realized that we were not ready for this change and decided to move back to Vietnam. We continued flyingflew back and forth from the United States andto Vietnam for three years.

By the time I was in middle school, my mother decided that my little brother and I needed a better education, so we moved back to California. This time I realized another difference ofin customs between these two countries.

The kids neglected their school work, and some of them could not even read a book without tripping over words like "complicated". My mother realized that this was not the proper environment for our education. So after a year of constant battlebattling for survival, we decided to move to Ohio.

This was like a breath of fresh air to us, after living in big cities all ofour lives. The people were generally nicerkinder, and much friendlier. People said hihello--sounds more professional, but either could work. to strangers on the streets, which was a very big shock to us. I started my high school career herelife over again, and although the teenagers here still remained American teenagers (this was America after all) , most of them truly cared for their education. Most of the people that I knew in school worked hard, and they were some of the most ambitious people I had ever met in my life.

Now that I have experienced culture shock, I realize that although a country might seem perfect on the outside, there wasis bound to be a down side to it. Every place has its own customs and people. I was now aware that the world was a big place, bigger than what I had imagined when I was little. I have become stronger through thisafter exposure ofto a different culture.

Except this time, I will be the one travelling traveling alone. No matter where my final destination is, I will always remember this memorable experience for the rest of my life.

Thanks for the response on my essay as well! You did great :)

Undergraduate / "all type-A workaholics" - Family Personal Statement [2]

Wow :D Well firstly well done on your essay, it's quite impressive! Just a few things to clean up.

With a droolingUse another word, since drooling isn't as much of an adjective as it is a verb. Maybe "innocent", "playful", "difficult?" demeanor, chubby cheeks, and frog-like limbs, I was brought ...

Financially unstable, my parents were drowning in debt from different"varied" could also work here failed ventures and lived in a basement ..

... who were preparing for college, gave me cascadesThis doesn't seem to quite flow with the sentence. Perhaps something like "an abundance" or "a bounty" of love and attention.

... to create a nourishing atmosphere for me. to grow up in.

... to ensure that there was enough nutritionalnutritious food on the table so I could ...

From that moment on, I elaborated on my father's response and came to my own interpretationA bit excessive.I interpreted my father's response to mean a family unit consists of two qualities: self-sacrifice and diligence. Through this, I Try not to switch tenses too oftenview my family as an organic structure where each family member supports another to help cope with each others stressful lives.

... everybody in my family all had a great importance to the whole ...

... similar to my family, and try to give back to everyone through sacrifice and giving .

The family macrocosmSomething about this word in the sentence seems forced. Could use the word "structure" becomes a safe haven in which struggling is not a painful individual experience, but a genuine feeling of altruismThe same with this one, could use "selfless concern." shared with relations.

Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [414]

Hi everyone :) I'm Aleah from the USA. I came here to mainly to get help with my essays, but i'd love to meet people too. I'm in High school, getting ready for the huge step-college! Glad to meet all of you.

Undergraduate / I was surrounded with the most hospitable people; "Let your life speak" - Tufts [4]

Thanks so much for both of your input. I commented on your essay, Floraescent. Traycat i'll also take a look at yours. If either of you could also look at my Cornell essay it would be a huge help. Thanks :)

Undergraduate / 'Opportunity's Door' - Cornell "Arts and Sciences" Supplement [5]

It's all very helpful! Thank you! I'm working on adding more to my essay about the evolution of my interests that collegegirl mentioned. I do have question... I'm a bit new to the site. Should I edit my post once I've made revisions, or post it in a reply for further looking over? (Or is either allowed) Thanks for the great tips, my essay is looking much better already! :D