Hello and thank you for reading this personal essay of mine. If you guys would like to be as critical as possible on any aspect of the writing please do so.
Family
With a drooling demeanor, chubby cheeks, and frog-like limbs, I was brought into the world in the most inconvenient time for my family. Financially unstable, my parents were drowning in debt from different failed ventures and lived in a basement where water leaked and mice mingled. The basement was a cheaply converted house used to squeeze out every additional cent by its greedy owners. But even during those harsh financial times, my parents, who were old enough to be my grandparents, and my sisters, who were preparing for college, gave me cascades of love and attention.
My family, all type-A workaholics, had eccentric occupations and went out of their way to create a nourishing atmosphere for me. to grow up in. First, my dad, who ran a self-employed television and shoe repair shop, consistently interacted with me and gave me innumerable amounts of rides to school in his rusty old delivery van. In some aspects, if it were not for my dad's dedication towards me, I could have been perceived as an additional burden on his already heavy workload. Second, my mother, who was perpetually tired after long days working at an industrial laundromat, provided the warmth and comfort in the drafty basement we called home. She not only took the time to care for me, but she sometimes ate only rice for meals to ensure that there was enough nutritional food on the table so I could eat right and grow up healthy. Lastly, my sisters always took time out of their studies and money out of their own wallets to take me to see movies, eat ice cream, and buy childhood toys. My sisters struggled to provide the fun I constantly desired and the upbringing that they had never experienced. They hoped that their attempts would give me a sense of normality that other kids grew up with.
Thinking back upon these struggling yet joyous memories, I always wondered why my family cared and sacrificed so much for me. Given my family's situation, the effort could have been more wisely used on making money to live day-to-day or at least save for the future, but instead it was used on an unplanned child. So, why should so much energy be concentrated on a child that was unable to aid his family in any given way? I asked my father this and he replied metaphorically, in his broken English, "that we are all gears in the machinery called family."
From that moment on, I elaborated on my father's response and came to my own interpretation that a family unit consists of two qualities: self-sacrifice and diligence. Through this, I Try not to switch tenses too often view my family as an organic structure where each family member supports another to help cope with each others stressful lives. Akin to how the body cannot function efficiently without all the organs and tissues working harmoniously or how each covalent bond provides the necessary support for macromolecular formation, everybody in my family all had a great importance to the whole; we were able to function as a single entity.
Likewise, the two qualities I have seen in my family are also displayed within schools, jobs, and communities. By stressing these values I strive for myself to create these structures, similar to my family, and try to give back to everyone through sacrifice and giving. As a result, this explains why I fervently aspire to help people in need, share my talents with others, and create a large lattice structure around me in which I can also hopefully call family. I feel called to do this because whether the people within my community are homeless, ill, or culturally different, knitting these networks of communion will help numerous people in adversity. The family macrocosm becomes a safe haven in which struggling is not a painful individual experience, but a genuine feeling of altruism shared with relations.
Wow :D Well firstly well done on your essay, it's quite impressive! Just a few things to clean up.
With a droolingUse another word, since drooling isn't as much of an adjective as it is a verb. Maybe "innocent", "playful", "difficult?" demeanor, chubby cheeks, and frog-like limbs, I was brought ...
Financially unstable, my parents were drowning in debt from different"varied" could also work here failed ventures and lived in a basement ..
... who were preparing for college, gave me cascadesThis doesn't seem to quite flow with the sentence. Perhaps something like "an abundance" or "a bounty" of love and attention.
... to create a nourishing atmosphere for me. to grow up in.
... to ensure that there was enough nutritionalnutritious food on the table so I could ...
From that moment on, I elaborated on my father's response and came to my own interpretationA bit excessive.I interpreted my father's response to mean a family unit consists of two qualities: self-sacrifice and diligence. Through this, I Try not to switch tenses too oftenview my family as an organic structure where each family member supports another to help cope with each others stressful lives.
... everybody in my family all had a great importance to the whole ...
... similar to my family, and try to give back to everyone through sacrifice and giving .
The family macrocosmSomething about this word in the sentence seems forced. Could use the word "structure" becomes a safe haven in which struggling is not a painful individual experience, but a genuine feeling of altruismThe same with this one, could use "selfless concern." shared with relations.
