Hello. This is my first post on the forums and my first application in my list of colleges so far. I really feel like my essays could use a lot of work, but that's why I came here. Here is my supplement essay question:
There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)
I lived in sunny Florida in a family with a low-income for all of my life, but I was surrounded with the most hospitable people in my church in Jacksonville, that helped me through hard times. I had a rough upbringing with my father, but the people I grew up with gave me the strength to keep going. I still call these people my family. My brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and grandparents that aren't related by blood. Their charitable ways taught me to give to others in need, because I knew what they went through. I have a very tight-knit community which hastened to aide anyone in trouble. It takes a whole village to raise a child. This rings true in my community, who raised me to give rather than receive, and never let my values be shaken.
Having less only caused me to appreciate what I had more, and having trouble at home only made me avoid bad choices outside of my home. I never participated in drugs or alcohol because I realized the repercussions would only make life more difficult. Although growing up was hard, it gave me empathy toward others who were struggling in life. I'm thankful for the life I had because it built me into the person I am today, and made me able to truly understand others.
--Any punctuation errors, or anything that just doesn't sound quite right would be helpful. I'm also wondering if I should scrap it all and try with a different subject? I'm very wary about the whole thing being good enough. Thanks for any help!
Hi, welcome to the forum! i'm also new, and since no one has helped you out yet, i'll try to revise my essay. idk if my input is any good, since i'm not that good at writing, but i believe that any help is help, especially when it comes to college essays!
... I was surrounded with the most hospitable people in my church in Jacksonville, who helped me through hard times I would consider making this whole part as a different sentence.
I have a very tight-knit community which hastened to aide anyone in trouble. " It takes a whole village to raise a child" .
Having less only caused me to appreciate what I had more, and having troubles at home only made me avoid bad choices outside of my home. I never participated in drugs or alcohol because I realized the repercussions would only make my life more difficult.
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very good message in such a short essay. it's usually hard to compose a meaningful essay when they let you write a short one. the overall idea is good, although just a tiny bit cliche, but your word choices are good.
please help revise my essay, i'm truly desperate!!
sisters, aunts, uncles, and grandparents thatwho aren't related by blood
I never participated in drugs or alcohol because I realized ...(this seems quite awkward)
Try this...I never took drugs...OR...I never participated in taking drugs....
Great essay..I should say
Good luck.
Thanks so much for both of your input. I commented on your essay, Floraescent. Traycat i'll also take a look at yours. If either of you could also look at my Cornell essay it would be a huge help. Thanks :)
