Posts by lions5693

lions5693

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "Hispanic environment in Brooklyn" - Syracuse Supplement Help, Why? [2]

Hey is there any way to improve my Syracuse Supplement Essay#1
1. Growing up in a generally Hispanic environment in Brooklyn for much of my life I felt out of place once I moved to a mostly Caucasian environment in Northern New Jersey. In Brooklyn, many of the kids weren't interested in things such as college basketball. Instead, we played such sports as handball or volleyball. In an attempt to fit into an environment in which sports such as college basketball was more popular, I adopted the Syracuse Orangemen as my favorite basketball team. In middle school, I would not only avidly watch the college basketball games on TV, but also had the opportunity to attend a game with a friend in 2006. In Syracuse's win against Georgetown in the Carrier Dome I witnessed the school spirit that Syracuse is famous for. This inspired me to apply to Syracuse. Even as I entered high school, I remained an ardent SU fan. Of equal importance, because I am not certain on what career path I would like to choose, Syracuse with all its diverse majors would be a perfect for me. Whether I choose a career path in law or medicine, I am confident that I will begetting a quality education at Syracuse University. It seems almost impossible to find anything to negative to say about Syracuse. Because all that Syracuse means to me and has to offer, it would be an honor for me to be part of a truly awesome school.

lions5693

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "My life in China; I appreciate my own culture" - Common App [3]

From the moment I stepped foot on China's ground; I knew that I had to kiss my old life goodbye. Everything in China was different, from the food to their way of living, and in order to be able to live with the Chinese people, I have had to move forward and be become accustomed to their way of life. There were a few challenges I faced while living in China, the first and foremost was the language barrier ~~between the Chinese people and I~~ . The only form of communication I had with the Chinese people were hand signals, and even that could be tiresome ~~for~~ sometimes not many could understand the message I was trying to ~~put across~~ express. I was also taken advantage of especially when shopping at their flea market(markets); numerous times I was overcharge overcharged for a pair of shoes or a piece of clothing even after bargaining.

China is also known for their its exotic delicacies in which I find found very hard to swallow when I first came to the country. Due to this, I fell sick on the first week of arriving in China. French writer Simone de Beauvoir wrote in The Long March (1958); "The poet Ai Ts'ing told me one evening at table, 'we eat everything; everything on four legs except the table; and except for our friends and relatives, everything on two'". In the corner one of Beijing's famous shopping area, Wangfujing, lies a small snack street that has a selection of exotic food. I have to admit that seeing those these snacks ~~had~~ left me speechless ~~for~~ as I ~~have~~ had never seen a fried scorpion or fried seahorses ~~in my life before~~ .

However, despite all ~~odd the~~ the odd things I have discovered while living in China, there were also moments in which I cherished the most. I was enrolled in an international school where there are is diversity in among students and teachers. I met people that have molded me into a young lady of tomorrow. Unlike the teachers in my previous school in Singapore, the teachers here believed in me despite my mediocre grades or lack of enthusiasm in most classes. This has helped me change my perception towards the importance of education and serve served as a backbone for me to excel in all my classes. My classmates came from different countries with different cultural backgrounds and working collaboratively with them on projects in school has enabled me to develop people's skills and self-awareness as it allows me to have a clear perception of who I really am and how the other people perceive me to be. In addition , I was also given the opportunity to study Mandarin that has allowed me to create a bond with the Chinese people in China. Thus, the choice I made 3 years ago has helped me appreciate my own culture, the world outside of from Singapore and most importantly it has successfully changed me into a better person.

Kind of awkward you might want to say something along the lines of " Thus, the choice I made 3 years has not only taught me to appreciate my own culture as well as the world outside of Singapore, but but most importantly it has successfully changed me into a better person.

lions5693

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "the nation's leading research university" - Boston University (BU)--Supplement [5]

Your response is vague. It doesn't even seem like you researched the university, it clear that you b.s.ed it because this can apply to basically any other university. Try and find a specific detail about the University that stands out to you.

lions5693

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / procrastinating, common app, details are important [3]

How can I make this stronger?
Is it good at all?
Nothing could wake me up that morning. This thought comforted me. Shortly after, I came to the realization that rather, no one would be waking me up. I look up and the clock reads 7:50. I look around until realize that school started in ten minutes. Rousing myself awake, I walked over to my parent's bedroom. In the corner of the bed is an amorphous lump of blankets. I realized the amoeba of blankets as my own mother.

In my earlier years, my mom represented all that was good in my life. It was because of her that I was strove to succeed academically. Growing up, my mom provided me with a sense of direction in life. Unfortunately the mother I knew before was long gone. She had shriveled up into what I saw as a pathetic and helpless shell of her former self. Ever since the day of her mental breakdown, all she could do was passively watch the world pass her by as she peered through her blankets.

Always asking how my days were, always fixing up something for me to eat, nothing seemed to be the same at home. My mother who used to motivate me whenever I was feeling down was nowhere to found, and in her stead was a woman who couldn't bring herself to look her own son in the eyes.

It wasn't until my mother disappeared from my everyday life that I truly began to understand how important she was. Ever since I could remember, I had always taken my mother as well as all that she did for me for granted. Not only this, but I never stopped to appreciate all the small things she did for me. Making sure I had a good breakfast the day before a big test, providing me with words of wisdom whenever felt lost, all these small actions helped me get through the seemingly endless rigors of high school life.

Looking back on my high school career that is something I wished I had picked up on earlier. In many instances all the seemingly trivial details that I brushed aside were instead, essential pieces to the puzzle. Thoroughly memorizing a chemistry formula before a test may not seem of utmost importance, but in reality, remembering if a letter should be a "c" instead of a "f" can make the difference between an A or a C on a test. Deciding on starting an assignments an hour earlier rather than procrastinating on facebook may not seem that big of a different, but that determines whether or not one has a full night of sleep: crucial to functioning properly the next day at school.

A great feat cannot be achieved without at first, paying attention to details. Although I lost my mother for eight months, I also gained valuable knowledge. Not only is it important for me to take nothing for granted, but to also to pay attention and find the significance in even the most negligible details.