Undergraduate / Photography: goals for your time at Queen's University and beyond [8]

to bestgirl
Thanks, it really makes me feel better, is there something wrong with the grammer?

to charpay k
Really!? we are? that's cool! I guess you're Chinese? am I right?
well, I agree with you. At the beginning I got some suggestions with my first draft that my whole logic was a bit chaos and so I added those words, but it really sounds too hard, isn't it. I'll take that advice. and thanks, I like my beginning part too, but I'm just so poor at vocabulary :(

good luck to both of us!

Undergraduate / Photography: goals for your time at Queen's University and beyond [8]

hey! Chinese are everywhere lol.
well, I've had it editted for many times already, so grammer falses have been corrected.:D
I just found this forum. love it!

Undergraduate / Programs in Kinesiology, reasons for choosing -University Of Waterloo Entrace [5]

Hey, I'm applying to UW too.
I think the Interest Part is great. but the reasons for choosing Waterloo is not strong enough.may be you can add something more specific, or something really special about Waterloo besides the reputation and so.

Only my opinion :)

Undergraduate / "the day Uganda gained its independence from Britain" - U of Michigan Supplement [5]

I really like the first paragraph!! it's great!
But the second one, I think it's a bit too easy and quick for a whole day. Maybe you can expand or just focus on one tradition that can greatly give people a picture of your culture.

and the last sentence, I don't know but I think to say"bring the community to U mich" the word community is a bit weird. maybe ideas or something like that.

:) only my opinion.

Undergraduate / "my attitude towards failure" -UBC science- qualities you have to prepare for success [4]

OMG!!!I just woke up and felt hopeless to seeing any one reply and then I saw yours!! completely grateful! THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!
I'll take all of your advices!! :DDD
oh~ and the unsubjective thing, I couldn't find a phrase to express that going through this experience wasn't something I could decide. and instead of a whole sentence I prefer something short and neat. do you have an idea? would "unwilling experience" make sense?

Thanks again!

Undergraduate / transfer short answer: Why Columbia? a sense of community, unique bond [4]

I do agree with ralph_rodgers, that you can maybe talk about how horrible your current institution.
But I mean, it feels like your complaining about BU. It's like an essay with the topic, 'the difference between BU and Colombia'.Try to focus more on your own needs and reasons. Specifiy it with more details. :) The reason that you've given, they can fit into any other student applying to Colombia.

But maybe the AO hates BU, and you get bonus :DD

Good luck

Undergraduate / Photography: goals for your time at Queen's University and beyond [8]

thanks! oops~ too late...i've already submitted it.
but I'll work on that unique and sparkelling point in my next essays!
I still appreciate it a lot, There are so many things to learn about writing!

ps. Happy Chinese New Year to everyone. :D

Undergraduate / Leadership skills, development - Why do you want to study at Lingnan University? [5]

To be honest, there are many problems. grammatically and also the content

Your introduction about how you first learned about Lingnan University sounds like a TV commercial... your mother is obviously the advertiser.:) narrr...not so good

and the sun sinking down, it doens't really make sense. I know your trying to picture a sad feeling , but it kinda confuses people since your sentence is not so well constructed. Nice writing can be poetical, but still has to be clear stated.

I rewrote the sentence: My friends boarded one after another onto the plane heading for their future University's leaving me behind with a heart sinking like a sun at dusk.

I just came up with the idea that instead of seeing off your friend, why not see off the girl next building. just my idea. :)

LU has small class sizes enhancing teacher-student relationship, enriched campus life with students from diverse backgrounds. The integrated learning programme in campus will heighten my experience outside the classroom, excelling my interaction, organization and personal abilities. The university also helps its student develop analytical and critical thinking abilities through the service learning. The service learning will be a good way to deepen my leadership skills, intensify self-confidence and establish me as a well-rounded individual. In conclusion, studying in LU will give me a new perspective of life broadening my views and hereby allowing me to graduate as a trilingual, which I have always been looking forward to.

and this...This is way tooooo common. This fits for any University.
How is the enriched campus life? which activity are you mostly interested in? What integrated learning programs?what personal abilities? Almost all universities help student develop analytival and critical thinking abilities. There is no real content in your essay where the Admission Officers can learn about you. It lacks something sparkelling.

I don't want to be harsh ,but maybe you should rewrite it.
Good luck.:)