Undergraduate / "Morehouse Man" WHO HAS INFLUENCED YOUR LIFE THE GREATEST? [7]

Hi Stooks, I share ccollins's opinion, you made your point, but don't forget the essays have a specific structure: introduction, body and conclusion, try to organize it that order, this way your ideas will be represented in a more clear and logical manner and make a paragraph for each one.

I am myself a rookie, currently in the process of learning about essays and this one tip has helped me significantly and reading others essays has given me better ideas.

Since you said it I allowed myself to make some suggestions on your essay. For what you say; looks like you are a college guy then try to use the vocabulary and synonyms to make the phrase sound just good with the same meaning; let's put it this way; how you would say it as a teacher not as a student. Hope this helps you.

It might sound like cliché (It may sound cliché') but my father has been the greatest influence on my life. Without him i honestly don't know where i would be, and i most certainly would have not achieved as much as i have. Indeed (You see), my father is not an ideal father figure, on the contrary (In fact), he very seldom behaves as a parent should. I wish i could write an essay about the (my) "perfect father" who has encouraged ("pushed " it sounds like he is forcing you) me to be all that i could be, and has helped me reach my full potential, but that would be a lie; Unfortunately my father was the antithesis of this image. Although my father was a drug addict (an abuser of drugs) he has had the greatest influence on all aspects of my life. I once lived in my own world of isolation and separation, it was very difficult for me to acclimate myself into the mainstream until I realized it (i came to the realization that), I was following the same path as my father (that was the same way in which my father carried himself). That's when I knew I had to do everything in order to achieve what he couldn't (I knew then that i had to do everything he didn't in order to achieve what he hasn't). I never fully understood the pedagogical effects of actions exhibited by the parents until i began to observe him, I was transitioning into him .

Thanks to ("Because of" remember you are making a reference, not giving an excuse) my father now I (i now) know what kind of person I should become (type of man never to become), and the (what) activities in which I should never get involved (never to take part in). The main causes of my behavior ("source of my drive" remember in this case behavior is an act which is originated from causes not from sources) and determination are (derived from) the absence of my father and my own desire (longing) to become the antithesis of him. He has never been by my side, but I have been vicariously influenced (provided for me but has tutored me vicariously) through his actions. I am courageous, remarkable (knowledgeable), and a benevolent person ("leader" I suggest you change this word since you're not going to justify its meaning and you are still talking about your situation), but I'm "broken" (I suggest you to try looking for a different phrase to emphasize your condition cause it sounds a little vague). Since I moved (moving) to Georgia I have changed (transformed) drastically and broken the image of what I was before (and have since broken the mold of which I once was); but now I'm looking forward to rebuilt it. I know my name and my specific characteristics but what kind (type) of person (man) am I? I expect the Morehouse College to help me grow and (as well as) change my outlook in many different things. Hopefully Morehouse will transform me into a "Morehouse Man", help me clarify (change) my idea on what i want my mark to be in this world, and help me revaluate myself (me) and the people in my surroundings or surrounding me (i surround myself with). Life is all about progress (ion), this Morehouse transformation will help me in my own progress and to improve (as well as help me to better) myself.

Undergraduate / Hispanic- How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are? [5]

martaherrera
Hi Martha If I may, I have a few of suggestions

Firts I would suggest you changing that word "OBSESSION" makes it sound like something wrong or sick, since you are talking about the emotion or the feeling that inspired you, you might as well try to find a more suitable word for example enthusiasm.

In the sentence "It was this overboard obsession I had with the idea of the medical field." I found it somehow vague because it looks like you are going to imply into something but then you just stoped, so you cant try to rephrase it.

I have one last suggestion, of course, with all due respect.

take a look into this.

"I pursued my goal by applying to a technical high school that offered courses in the Health Academy. And so I chose to be part of the Pharmacy Program. I knew that enrolling into this program would mean that I would have to sacrifice my time in order to persevere and achieve my goal".

"In order to persue that goal, I applied to a technical high school which offered courses in the health academy, and as an example of my dedication and perseverance I decided to enroll into the pharmacy program, which meant sacrifice but also an important step towards my goal".

The first lines of your essay are ok as an introduction but then try to give it a more formal touch. They are asking you for the qualities or unique characteristics you possess, so first find some "keywords" such as perseverance, dedication, or the ones that you think you possess, and from there start composing your essay.

Good luck

Writing Feedback / Do you prefer learning by yourself to learning with a teacher? [3]

Thanks a lot Kevin for your comments, that was really of a big help, beacuse I had that bad habit of capitalizing, and since I'm a begginer I didn't really know how to start, but little by little I'm starting to get the hang of it.

I rewrote the essay, would you mind taking a look into it?. Thanks again.

What are some important qualities of a good school teacher? Use specific reasons and examples to explain why these qualities are important.

Teachers are the persons who will provide literacy to students, they are the ones who will play the role of guidance during the education process. Since the teachers can affect in how students perceive and learn, they must have certain qualities such as patience, perseverance, kindness, enthusiasm, and vocation, to name a few.

I would say the most important quality in a good teacher is the enthusiasm. Teachers that demonstrate enthusiasm can lead the students to be more engaged, energetic, intrested, and curious about learning in class. The teachers enthusiasm may facilitate certain levels of students' intrinsic motivation and contribute to a classroom atmosphere full of energy and enthusiasm wich feed students intrest and excitement in learning.

The enthusism will allow the kind of interaction between teacher-student that will help them becoming more self-determined in ther own learning process and may act as "motivational embellishment", increasing students intrest and self expectations in the context of learning.