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Posts by goccasual4
Joined: Feb 23, 2011		 Last Post: Mar 22, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 8
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goccasual4   
Feb 23, 2011
Undergraduate / "New sport; I joined the swim team" - extracurricular activities 150 words [2]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities (150 word)
Common Application.

Hello, I am fairly new and this was a free write. Please help I would love your advice.

Learning a new sport can be very difficult, especially when it involves the water. I joined the swim team in my sophomore year and I can still taste the chlorine in my mouth from those days. Being involved with the team, not only made me aware of the challenges we face but the leadership and determination one must have to break. I was astound when I had been announced the Team Captain. With more weight on my shoulders, I was patiently aiding the group to districts and there after regional's. I found this experience felt like a growing family, sharing smiles and fun times in and out of the water. I have discovered various obstacles which have molded me to what I have become today. The water is where I feel the most comfortable, and that gives me a clear sight of where I am supposed to be.
goccasual4   
Mar 2, 2011
Undergraduate / "Deep Red Sea" - Drexel University Essay: Creative essay [3]

It's an okay story you have but try restating your major and why you chose to pursue this major at that college. Also describing how you got from life experiences why you want to be this.. at that university.
goccasual4   
Mar 12, 2011
Undergraduate / "believe in challenging the status quo" - Showing my Value Personal Statement [6]

Your thesis should catch the reader. -"Everything I do, I believe in challenging the status quo. I believe in thinking differently. "
Also, the first paragraph usually sets a rhythm when reading your essay. Sentences like - "I don't have certain routines to follow. But I do have my own belief to prop up the things I do."

I would consider this as your free write. You have all the information that would make a great essay, now revise it.
goccasual4   
Mar 12, 2011
Undergraduate / "economics was the right career path for me", common app transfer columbia university [7]

250 word What are your reasons for transferring and what do you hope to achieve? Common App

It is a warm, dark summer night, awaken by the ticking seconds of a clock and with the first tock of a minute, a glimpse of the moonlight shimmering through the window blinds. Like the seconds that continue to run, are similar to the many steps towards becoming something greater. Rising from foundation, follows, minutes that strike the 'tock' which roams onward as it begins to cycle, as it had once before. My life was built alongside time, consistently flowing foward. Being the first generation to be able to go to college leads a path that I have to uncover alone at Miami Dade College. After a year at Miami-Dade College, I was totally convinced that economics was the right career path for me. As the future draws near, close to the days where most beckon. Suddenly, I realized that MDC does not have a well-round business program or the resources it needs to fulfill a challenge, much like a journey with no adventure. Despite the fact that enrolling at Miami-Dade College, at a glance, seem like an impulsive mistake. However, I do not perceive it as a blunder but instead, I see Miami-Dade College as a stepping stone for ushering me towards *****, where the business program encourages students to excel. Being an entrepreneur at heart, I am fascinated by the discussion of business especially when it deals with law. An entry into *** would allow me to exceed...

Now answer "what i hope to achieve".

This is what I have so far. Care to comment/correct?
goccasual4   
Mar 13, 2011
Undergraduate / "economics was the right career path for me", common app transfer columbia university [7]

My reasons for transferring may seem impulsive but rest assure the decision is most desirable.
At Miami Dade college, the school does not offer fine counseling and resource services. When requesting for help from the academic advisors about future opportunities and transfer processing, all I received were ineffectual suggestions and several planning work sheets. Where as, the approach to Columbia, communication is greatly treasure between the school and the students. Elemental features of communication leads to many opportunities that Columbia has to offer.

In the academic aspects, the Economics department at Miami Dade college does not provide students fully its features of the educational program due to limited full time faculty.

I believe that an entry into Columbia college would allow me, as a student, excel and strengthen my academic goals. Columbia college has a well-known world class business program in which I hope to experience. As well as known professors such as, Jeffrey d. Sachs, who has been an inspirational leader in his field and is placed among 100 most influential leaders in the world by Time magazine. His research in poverty reduction and debt cancellation for the poorest country matches my own interest. I look forward into gaining a more vital focus in this field that supports my educational quest.

This is another free write. Please help. I have to submit this in tonight.
goccasual4   
Mar 22, 2011
Undergraduate / "economics was the right career path for me", common app transfer columbia university [7]

The RED is what needs to change to make it seem like i dont regret going to miami dade, can someone help make it better?

My reasons for transferring may seem impulsive but rest assured, the decision is most desirable. Miami Dade college does not offer fine counseling and resource services. When approaching the academic advisors for assistance in the college search and transfer process, all I received were ineffectual suggestions and several Associate degree planning worksheets. Where as, at Columbia, communication between the students and staff is greatly treasured. Elemental features of communication lead to the many opportunities that Columbia has to offer.

With regard to academic aspects, the Economics department at Miami Dade College does not fully provide students with the depth and distinctive features of the educational program, due to the limited availability of full-time faculty. Therefore, should I gain admission to Columbia, I would have a chance to further learn and explore my interest regarding this major with 55 current instructors at your department of economics. Columbia has a well-known world class business program in which I hope to partake; professors such as, Jeffrey D. Sachs, who has been an inspirational leader in his field and is placed among the 100 most influential leaders in the world by Time magazine. His research in poverty reduction and debt cancellation for the poorest countries matches my own interest. I look forward to gaining a more vital focus in this field, and advance in my educational quest.

And i want to add this in there but dont know how to blend it in. Please Help.

Despite the fact that enrolling at Miami-Dade College, at a glance, seem like an impulsive mistake. However, I do not perceive it as a blunder but instead, I see Miami-Dade College as a stepping stone for ushering me towards (need help here), where the business program encourages students to excel. Being an entrepreneur at heart, I am fascinated by the discussion of business especially when it deals with law.

Should I even mention Miami Dade College and just answer Why I want to transfer and what I hope to achieve.. even though one of my reasons for transfering is to go to a better school compared to mdc.

Please Help. I am in dire need of it. :/
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