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Posts by carsonleeallen
Joined: Jun 14, 2011
Last Post: Jun 24, 2011
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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carsonleeallen   
Jun 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / Is image more powerful than the written word? - ielts [5]

Your writing is very clear and to the point, and was easy to follow.

I would try to put your theses in the first paragraph
I think your paragraphs could be longer with a little more explanation.

Finally
You write
Firstly, pictures can influence the way people think.

I prefer First of all instead of Firstly, but that is just my personal choice.

Good topic, was it a prompt or did you think of it yourself.
carsonleeallen   
Jun 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / Should a prudent person conclude that science and religion are incompatible? [NEW]

This is my first post, and my first ever formal writing paper. Feed back would be greatly appreciated. I struggle with grammar, so any grammar corrections would be wonderful.

Some people believe that science and religion are harmonious with each other; however, reason should dictate to the prudent person that religion is incompatible with science. Science can be defined as the study of the physical and natural world and phenomena, especially by using systematic observation and experiment. Whereas religion can be defined as people's beliefs and opinions concerning the existence, nature, and worship of a deity or deities, and divine involvement in the universe and human life. A scientific theory is based on concrete evidence supported by verifiable data, while religion is riddled with superstitions, myths, and intolerance. Is it any wonder why ninety-five percent of the scientific community rejects any and all forms of religion?

Science adheres to a strict interpretation of facts using the scientific method, while on the other hand religion adheres to metaphysical claims of faith and personal experience.

The scientific method starts with a specific question such as, how can the distance of a star be measured? Scientists conduct background research that allows them to form hypotheses that are tested by conducting an experiment. The scientific method then calls for empirical data to be vigorously analyzed before the scientist finally communicates his or her results, and these results are tested and refined repeatedly. Religion has no such factual method to test its claims regarding metaphysical things such as souls, angels, demons, and prayer. The method that guides religion is subject to each individual person's interpretation. This evidence is bared out by the fact that there are so many thousands of different religions that claim to know the truth. As one preacher once said, "All religions are either true or all religions are either false, "they cannot all be true unless there is only one true religion."

Religion is a mater of faith, while science is based on reason. An Orthodox Pastor once listed several detailed reasons as to why he believed in religion, and he summed them up by saying this "My personal reasons are adequate and sufficient for me and I believe the Bible by faith because the Holy Spirit has shown me that it is the Word of God". A religious person must appeal to faith regardless of how intellectual their arguments may sound, and once faith is appealed to it is nearly impossible to counter that proposition. Faith can be used to justify all manner of absurd and uncanny claims, rather it be a Muslim suicide bomber justifying his act of terror or a Christian that believes that it is possible for a virgin to conceive a child. Science tells us a different story, for science is based on fact and reason not faith. Newton was not guided by faith when he gave us physics, nor was Einstein receiving direct revelation from God when he put forth the theory of relativity. As was once commented by an atheist that used to be a pastor, "Scientists do not join hands every Sunday and sing "Yes gravity is real! I know gravity is real! I will have faith! I believe in my heart that what goes up, up, up must come down, down, down. Amen!" If they did, we would think they were pretty insecure about the concept."

Nothing contrasts the incompatibility of science and religion better than the theory of evolution. Excluding a small minority of religions that believe in theistic evolution, (the theory that God used evolution to create the universe and human beings) the vast majority of religious people believe in divine creation as well as the earth is only six-thousand years old .Science has proven through the fossil record that simple animals and plants existed on earth long before complex ones, for example, invertebrate animals were on earth way before vertebrate animals. Pictures of human babies being born with tails that needed to be surgically removed have been documented in countless books on evolution. Through methods like radio metric dating and vast quantities of other scientific methods, it has absolutely been proven that the earth is older than six-thousand years. Despite this overwhelming proof, subscribers to religion persistently hold to such false beliefs. Science tells us how things are possible, not why things are possible. Religious persons want to know why the earth was created, so they insert God into the gap of the unknown.

Christianity clearly conflicts science in such major areas as the origins of mankind, the theory of evolution, and the age of the earth. The principals of reason consistently, through empirical observation and data that can be tested and proven, show that science is incompatible with Christianity. If we are going to subscribe to any faith, let us subscribe to the faith that compassionate human beings using science can work toward solving this planets critical crises to come. No religion needed.
carsonleeallen   
Jun 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / How you can make my favorite sandwich.(one eight sentence paragraph) [3]

Write one eight sentence paragraph describing how to make your favorite sandwich in chronological order.

Here it is (Grammar help please, thank you)

My favorite sandwich is a spicy roast beef delight, and making it is such a tasty adventure. Simply retrieve two slices of fresh one-hundred percent whole wheat bread, and spread spicy brown deli mustard and mayonnaise to the inside of each slice. You will then add three thick slices of roast beef to the bottom slice of bread, as well as red onions, two slices of tomato, and a slice of green leaf lettuce to the top piece of bread. Now, place the two slices of bread together completing this scrumptious sandwich. Finally, cut the sandwich in half and serve with a handful of your favorite chips as you enjoy this masterpiece.
carsonleeallen   
Jun 16, 2011
Writing Feedback / Making efforts to ask questions inspires students to thinks critically [4]

I think you wrote a great essay with good points and good explanations expanding on those points. As far as I can tell, the grammar is o.k. as well.

Remember each paragraph should have a strong topic sentence that supports your theses.

I advocate the idea that student should feel free to ask their instructors everything in the classroom, because this is one of the most effective ways of absorbing knowledge for students and delivering teaching content for teachers.

This seems to be a run on sentence that should be modified

I advocate the idea that STUDENTS(not student) should feel free to ask instructors everything in a classroom setting, because this is a very effective way of absorbing knowledge for students and delivering content for teachers.

First of all, as a class usually contains many students, it is required that everyone should be dynamic and interested in the course topics in order to learn something useful.

I think the word dynamic is used to often, I notice a lot of foreign English speakers tend to use this word allot. Try this

First of all, as a class usually contains many students, it is very beneficial if everyone is vigorous and interested in the course topic.
carsonleeallen   
Jun 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / I need help on an Essay for the Documentary SiCKO [3]

Some paragraphs are to short(and some paragraphs are to long), I would try to at least have five sentences per paragraph. Remember, each paragraph should have a topic sentence that ties into your main theses. Also, each sentence in your paragraph must provide support for your topic sentence. This is why pre planning and an outline is so important.

I choose topic sentences for each paragraph, then underneath the topic sentence I start planning my paragraph sentences.

Like this

TOPIC SENTENCE
The current health care system in the United States is keeping people in debt.
SUPPORTING SENTENCES
a. it cost's way to much to go see the doctor, they charge like eight dollars for one aspirin pill.
b...
c....
d....

The whole point here is to get your words on paper and then polish them to perfection. Like the example above under letter a. You just write the idea you want to develop for the sentence, then you turn it into a good sentence

The current health care plan in the United States is hazardous to your health because it keeps people in debt.

I would not use the same topic sentence word for word in three different paragraphs like you are doing. Consider rewording it. Use a thesaurus, YOU CAN DO IT, I KNOW YOU CAN.

It comes out of their checks before they get them
Try: It is deducted from their paychecks on a pre-tax basis before the employee receives his or her check.

The United States is the only major country in the western world that doesn't(never use contractions in a formal paper) have free health care for its citizens.

try: The United States is the only industrialized nation in the western hemisphere that does not have a single payer system for its citizens.

I like the movie sicko and I am in favor on a single payer health care system. But you must keep in mind; IT IS NOT FREE. It is supported by taxes, people do pay for it; they just don't have to pay the doctor.

Why do you think your professor does not like you? They are supposed to be evaluating your work with an unbiased attitude. You are taking it personal, just because your writing is graded hard does not mean the prof does not like you...

See if you can start a study group with others taking the class
carsonleeallen   
Jun 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / One paragraph only, about a live N.B.A. game. [2]

Please double check my grammar for me.

The assignment is only one paragraph. The paragraph must have a strong topic sentence and each sentence in the paragraph should support the topic sentence.

Here it is

Attending a professional (N.B.A.) basketball game is filled with memorable events that lead to an exhilarating climax. As you enter the arena and take your seat, you are rewarded with the pleasure of watching these superstars work through their pregame drills. You get butterflies in your stomach once the public address announcer starts speaking, because you know as soon as the national anthem is over the crowd is going to erupt in excitement. The lights go out, colorful lasers start flashing, and loud heart pounding music starts blasting. Finally, the announcer introduces the starting line ups, the lights turn back on, and the players take center court. This entire adrenalin pumping roller coaster ride of anticipation has led to this one moment; the opening tip off. For the next forty-eight minutes these gladiators will be stunning your senses as they race up and down the court in competition.
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