Scholarship / A career in journalism - Academic or Career Goals Essay [3]

Why don't you focus on the child from Peru and talk about the talk with that kid and make it memoriable?

Writing Feedback / "I love you mom and you're the light of my eyes" - My mom essay [4]

Well, there is a lot of grammar error, so it's hard to understand the prompt. So, can you tell us what is the prompt of your essay?

Also, tried to type this in a microsoft word or essay helper to correct grammar then comes back here and type it again.

Tips: Make the introduction to be very interesting that pulls the reader in.
"Mother is a school if you have prepared" Doesn't really make sense to me. If it's like this "A school is a package of mother..."

Undergraduate / "the magic of origami" - Stanford intellectually engaging essay [6]

This is really amazing on how you make a single origami to connect to science; however, you should show more of the connecting because you want to show your intellectually engaging to Stanford.

(e.g. Later on, I found out that you can build a house with just paper that grow on tree. People always said that money doesn't grow on tree then how about building a house with just paper. Branch of banks :) )

Good luck!

Undergraduate / Epiphany (travel to Japan) or My Purpose (Uni of Texas) - UT statement of purpose [2]

I feel more being pull in with the first essay then the second since it was more words and detail. And I just love the mountain part. Climbing a mountain is hard, so you should also tried using something like " While hitting the dirt on this big giant rock of everlasting, I feel just like an ant having a big rock on my shoulder." This is just an example so keep up the good work!

Undergraduate / 'No area of perfection' - high school record and academic abilities. MSU [4]

Ultimately, I understand that although life can not be rewind like a type , I (not we) should not let the results of my past reflect my future. My grades in high school do not reflect my drive or intelligence, but with this I have the determination to achieve greatness in Michigan State University.

Ending an essay with a conclusion is the hardest because the reader must remember what you write and it help to bring truth. So, I think this is good, but if you really think that your grade/academic wise isn't good enough and want to go to this university then here is a few tips for you.

1. Get rid of "to be" verbs. (is, was, are, has, have, like, that, should, will, would etc...)
2. Do not repeat yourself more than twice. (2 years of high school, 2 years of high school---> twice is good, but more can make the reader started to be bored or think this person is losing focus)

3. Stay focus with tense. If it's past, then make it past. If it's present then this is hard because present is the hardest to stay focus with.

I wish you luck and hope you achieve a future that you can take each steps with a smile of achievement.