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Posts by RiceFiend
Joined: Nov 16, 2008
Last Post: Nov 18, 2008
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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RiceFiend   
Nov 16, 2008
Undergraduate / UC Personal Statement - finding leeway [3]

Hello,
This is my first essay that I have posted here. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Prompt #2 (all applicants)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?


With middle school over and almost forgotten, I was fidgeting with the inclination to share my summer experiences with my returning friends. As the car veered around the corner on its final lap, an invasive onslaught of mental thoughts hit me hard like a belly-flop. "This is it, what are you going to do now?", "Are you ready for the road ahead?", "What is it that you want to achieve?", "What are your dreams, your aspirations?". "Where are you headed to?". As giddy as I was a few moments earlier, I was both mortified and shocked that I could not answer any of those questions.

Salvaging my integrity, I quickly banished these tormenting thoughts from my mind as I stepped out of the car and transitioned into a whole new scenery in itself. The sun seemed radiant even if it was obscured by clouds and the weather was chilly. Cars quickly pulled up to the sidelines as parents waved their children farewell on their first day of school, friends socialized with each other, students crossed streets in hordes at a time, leaves of autumn hue made their decent, and the cloud-streaks riveting the sky stretched for miles; this was high school. I inhaled a deep and penetrating breath of cold air as I moved quickly to greet my friends...

Sufficient time had elapsed, but by my sophomore year in college I finally had found my holy grail. My career choice first started with general chemistry in my freshmen year of college. This was one of the classes that I dreaded to take and loved to hate. However, what was born from this experience was an unexpected appreciation for telescopic thinking. Simply seeing wood crackle or paper crinkle while being burned no longer was enough! I had to know what occurred to that piece of wood or sheet of paper on the molecular level as it decomposed by coming in contact with highly excited oxygen, why such an reaction occurred, what the predicted end product(s) will be, and how the overall reaction impacted its environment. Label me as obsessive-compulsive, but the more I practiced this, the more interesting everything seemed and the more I became pleased with myself. Ironically, general chemistry ended up being the class I enjoyed the most that quarter as well as for that academic year.

With unleashed vigor, general biology and organic chemistry no longer seemed like prerequisite courses just for major requirements, but as courses for honest academic enrichment as well; science was getting to me. What started as a tiny spark of interest had conflagrated into a spiraling fireball set on course for reshaping my behavior, character, and the way I viewed the physical world; I was forever transformed.

This zeal came as a surprise to me, but I knew that this was it, this was what I had been looking for, this was my answer to previously indomitable questions. I felt that I had just climbed an insurmountable mountain. With the obstacle now cleared, the one pass I had been searching for all these years, previously undetectable was now painfully clear. With both arms over my head and a bellow that would part the skies, a warm and fuzzy beam of sunlight basked my face as I felt a surge of confidence and pride swell from within.

As I stand on this peak, no longer am I the unmotivated, squandering child of past. Grades are one thing, but ambition is another. Should I be forced to climb another mountain, I would gladly climb many more mountains with unforeseen fervor. Even if I were an adept mountain climber, without a will to succeed or continue I would have never made it thus far. The pass ahead is still peppered with turmoil and struggle; stumbles and blunders are to be expected, but I do not expect to give in so easily. I ask myself, "Are you ready?". I can gladly answer, "Yes, more than ready".
RiceFiend   
Nov 16, 2008
Undergraduate / UC Personal Statement - finding leeway [3]

I will do as you have suggested. I'm glad this one earned a passing grade.

Thanks to no end Gloria and a good afternoon to you as well ^^
RiceFiend   
Nov 16, 2008
Essays / Trouble Getting Started on UC essay about my journey [4]

It is really up to you whether you choose to start with a introductory paragraph or begin with a narrative. Go with the option that better suits your writing style; this is your personal statement after all. As for further help, stick around for a response from Gloria. She is the premier essay counselor here (or so I think) : )
RiceFiend   
Nov 17, 2008
Undergraduate / People with scars - UC Prompt #1, Too Off Topic? Inappropriate? [7]

Try avoiding heavy condescension. As far as I know, UCs do not like to see this (it's too negative). They want you to express yourself in a way that does not put off the other side so much as to negate it. If you insist on it then make it light rather than heavy and be sure to defend your argument well.
RiceFiend   
Nov 18, 2008
Undergraduate / "Playing with my Yoshi doll and making new friends" - UC Prompt #1 [6]

What do you mean by too much? Or is that your title? Also, what is your prompt? UCs have 2 different prompts for their prompt #1: one for freshmen and one for transfer applicants. Your essay seems capable of falling into either category.
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