Posts by brianaor

brianaor

Nov 10, 2011

Undergraduate / 'From Mexico to the US' - Dreams and aspirations UC Essay [5]

This my opening. Please give many feedback.

The world I come from is packed with strong cultural traditions, love, acceptance and diversity. I am a Californian with roots in Mexico, America, and Europe. My father immigrated to the United States from Mexico when he was 16. Leaving his ranch life, he brought with him the religion, traditions and the work ethic of his un educated family in Mexico. My mother grew up on a farm as well. Coming from a long line of Portuguese dairy farmers', hard work, perseverance and dedication to her family is inherent to her. My family diversity is compounded when adding my step father to the mix, a service man of the Royal Air Force in England, world traveler and part of my life since I was 5 years old. The world I come from has made me a cultural mosaic with an understanding and tolerance for diversity and compassion for others.

brianaor

Nov 10, 2011

Undergraduate / 'From Mexico to the US' - Dreams and aspirations UC Essay [5]

Thankyou, I will post the rest of my essay in a moment, I would be glad to read yours.

brianaor

Nov 11, 2011

Undergraduate / 'From Mexico to the US' - Dreams and aspirations UC Essay [5]

Here is the essay in it's near "completenes"

The world I come from is packed with strong cultural traditions, love, acceptance and diversity. I am a Californian with roots in Mexico, America, and Europe. My father immigrated to the United States from Mexico when he was 16. Leaving his ranch life, he brought with him the religion, traditions and the work ethic of his uneducated family. My mother grew up on a farm as well. Coming from a long line of Portuguese dairy farmers', hard work, perseverance and dedication to her family is inherent in her. My family diversity is compounded when adding my stepfather to the mix, a service man of the Royal Air Force in England, world traveler and part of my life since I was 5 years old. The world I come from has made me a cultural mosaic with an understanding and tolerance for diversity and compassion. My goals, dreams and aspirations are to take that compassion and tolerance and spread it to others.

My sympathy and broadmindedness is not rooted in one experience but in the diversity of experiences made up of the weekends I stayed with father, the weeks spent at my grandmother's ranch and my travel to other countries. "Mi papa's" weekends are filled with family sized carne asada bbq's in the park, shopping at the flea market and nine of us piling into a cozy two-bedroom apartment. I consider my father poor, in that, he lacks a certain amount of material possessions and money, yet for my father, poverty does not get in the way of living. He showed me commitment to family and religion and I remember him saying on multiple occasions "someone always has less than you so give generously." Like weekends with my father, summers with my grandmother are a learning experience. Up at dawn, working alongside my grandparents in the fields and the fruit stand leaves me with knowing how to work hard. But most importantly, the farm has become an escape from life in the city, stress of school and the drama of being a teenager. My other escape is to other countries, I am blessed and fortunate to have a travel-addicted mother. Unlike many of my peers, I have had the opportunity to travel to 12 countries. I visited my family in Mexico and in England multiple times as well as "exchange sisters and brothers." Whether I am in a two-bedroom apartment, on a large ranch or in another country I always feel comfortable. My varied experiences have given me sense of acceptance and excitement that I share with others wherever I go. I dream to be a global citizen, like the revolutionary Thomas Paine wrote, "My country is the world, and my religion is to do good." I hope to influence others to treat people with respect regardless of race, religion or economic level and to be responsible and proactive in reducing inequalities by being the example my family was to me.

brianaor

Nov 11, 2011

Undergraduate / 'living a carefree life, refusing to adapt to changes' Richmond leaving comfort zone [2]

For some people the definition of a comfort zone is their house, home-town, family or friends. I am still not sure if there is an exact definition of a comfort zone, it might not be even a place but just a feeling of belonging, security and familiarity. Every person has its own comfort zone where he can be relaxed and not worried about things going on around him, but sometimes people get stuck in their "bubbles" and avoid new challenges. I am not sure how "relaxed and not worried" parrallels being stuck and avoiding challenges. For some, haveing a challenge may be comfortable.

As for me, I have been out of my comfort zone for a few times - when I had to live with my dad and his new wife, when I went to America as an exchange student, but the most memorable experience of leaving my comfort zone happened when I was 12 years old. It was the time I was a kid who lived a carefree I may choose a different word such as worry free life and always remained in my comfort zone. previously you were writing in past tense and from here forward you move to present tense. It is better to pick one or the other. As time passes by, things start to change and life starts to challenge us in some kind of way, which requires coming out of a comfort zone and adapting to some changes. The challenge I had to face was my parents' divorce. I stayed to live with my mom, but did not what to accept the fact that my dad moved out, I was stuck in my comfort zone and did not want things to change.

One day me and my mom went to the mall to buy some kitchen supplies, we walked by my favorite store and I saw a new Barbie doll I really wanted to have. Because of the divorce, my mom could not afford buying a new expensive toy, but I refused to comprehend. The reason was me living a carefree life and refusing to adapt to changes. My mom did not have any luck trying to explain the situation. The week after that she took me to a place I have never knew about before - a homeless shelter. Being there made me feel confused, uncomfortable and everything was unfamiliar to me, later I realized that I just stepped out of my "bubble". My mom said we were there to volunteer and help those people. The first thing I did that day was playing with other kids, they did not have any toys to play with and the only thing for fun there was a gym with two basketball hoops. About half an hour later we went to the kitchen to help serve the food, and the food at the shelter did not look so great. I felt really bad for complaining about my mom not buying me a new doll, those kids at the homeless shelter did not have any fancy toys at all and they were happy to just have a roof above them.

Spending only one day out of my comfort zone was a good wake-up call for me to realize how blessed I am with what I have in my life. It also taught me that I should not be scared to face life challenges, and getting out of my comfort zone is always a good experience.

brianaor

Nov 11, 2011

Writing Feedback / 'Life without such little creatures as pets' - IELTS [3]

It is absolutely impossible to imagine our life without such little creatures as pets. Are they not our "little brothers"? In different countries people keep various kinds of animals like rabbits, parrots, dogs, cats, even reptiles or cockroaches. But sometimes this hobby may cost a lot, not very descriptive, how about "more than you think" . If too much money is spent on pets, many people throughout the world will be~~dying~~die from starvation. For example, in many rich countries domestic animals are given better food to eat than poor people.

Maybe you could say, These dogs dogs are very helpful to people,~~First of all, dogs for example are very helpful for people.~~ They can help the blind as guide-dogs. ~~Furthermore~~ In addition, pets are very good friends to lonely men, and they ~~keep~~remain affectionate and ~~loyalty~~ loyal to their owners throughout their life. There are so many cases ~~when the pets were dying on their owner's graves~~ .of pets laying on their owner's graves. Additionally, "little brothers" are so friendly, ~~gay~~affectionate and ~~joyful~~energetic that so many people treat them like children. ~~In addition pets can help adults and children relate to animals and nature more.~~ On the one hand, having domestic animals is not as bad as it seems to be. Keeping pets is of great benefit for everybody.

But on the other hand, some people spend too much money on pets than it is necessary. They purchase special clothes, even jewelry and toys for adored creatures. They feed them with delicates sometimes unaffordable for ordinary people. In contrast, there are so many people dying every day from starvation in the world. What can be done to prevent them from passing away? The best idea is to inform the humanity about the existing situation. We shall be able to find the way out only together.

In conclusion, we should take care about our "little brothers" because when we take care about the wild we take care about ourselves. The humanity is responsible for safe and successful future of the next generation.

written by me with corrections of my teacher

YOu clearly state that money and time is spent on pets. there are some grammatical errors that I started editing, but there are a few more. I don't see any thing about the spending too much money and there isn't any mention of starving and poverty. While the prompt appears to want a persuasive respone, you provided inforamtion and not presuasion

brianaor

Nov 11, 2011

Undergraduate / 'proud to be a Dancer' - quality or experience you are proud of UC [2]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are

I am proud to be a ________ Dancer. There are many things I tried and started that I was not proud of, until I realized that they were all steps in forming the dancer I am today. My mother tried very hard to pique my interest by giving me complete flexibility to try many things as I was growing up. While flexibility can be seen as an opportunity for some, for me it led to indecision. My catalog of activities started with ballet, it moved to tap, then hip hop. I cannot forget the couple of classes in gymnastics, which ended because I could not do a handstand. I played soccer off and on since I was 5years old. There were bouts of violin, piano and flute that ended as quickly as they started and with my inability to read music. I could not blow into the flute correctly, my fingers were too short and chunky for the piano and I broke my violin. My next activity was swimming. I joined the local Cabana Club Swim Team. During my first event, the Individual Medley, my tears and my shouts of "I don't want to do this" bogged me down.

As I moved through high school, I dabbled a bit more in soccer, was a successful runner on the Varsity Cross Country team and played High School Water Polo. I continued to swim on the Club and _________HS Swim Teams. After all my attempted activities, I still had not found my niche but as always, I employed the determination to continue the quest. Finally, with the posting of ___________ Dance Team Tryouts, I found it. I had not tried dancing since I was very young and I was disadvantaged because I was joining the team as a Junior. My competition had been dancing for many years and many were part of the HS dance team already. I felt that my chances were slim against the experience of the other 40 girls trying out and I had never been my scared and anxious in my life. For the first time, I felt that I was supposed to be part of the team. There was a purpose in being committed and part of something bigger than ever before.

I practiced with the others at school and on my own in my bedroom. I put in hours above and beyond the expectation. I did not even tell my mother I was trying out because I did not want her to think this would be one more thing for my catalog of activities. What I soon realized was that I had more going for me than I thought. Clearly, my hidden talents began to join in harmony. I pulled flexibility from gymnastics, technique from ballet, a sense of rhythm form the multiple music classes, and my strength and stamina from years of sports. I put it all together and was one of 16 dancers that made the team. Today I am proud to be a __________ Dancer. We represent our school at spirit rallies, school events and competitions. We participate in community events and perform community service.

It all seemed to come together for me and I truly believe that my determination and strength came when a purpose was realized. All the individual seemingly unconnected things false starts but all pieces of road that lead to the purpose.