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Posts by ubchiu
Joined: Nov 13, 2011
Last Post: Dec 29, 2011
Threads: 3
Posts: 9  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 12
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ubchiu   
Nov 14, 2011
Undergraduate / "What? Are you crazy?" - Comm app essay (An important experience) [5]

I chose the topic about an important experience. Thank you in advance for any suggestion :)

"What? Are you crazy?" "At least you can't do that before the exams!" "No parents at all?" A month before the really important High School Entrance Exams, I was fourteen. As the youngest student in my class, facing doubtful and reproachable voices coming from some classmates, their parents, and teachers, I almost gave up on the idea I had proposed. Getting my beloved friends together for a graduation trip to celebrate the end of this important stage had always been my dream.

With some close friends' support, I began to secretly prepare for the trip because our teachers would have opposed the idea if they had learned about it. Since I had to conduct some small surveys to gain consensus regarding the details, our secret was eventually discovered by the teachers. They came to confront me, hoping to persuade me not to waste time on things irrelevant to the exams and not to distract my classmates from their intense preparation. I spent one entire morning attempting to convince them. Being moved by my sincere motivation, thoughtful plans, and serious promise of not disturbing anyone, they agreed to let us go.

Unfortunately, a series of problems arose. The travel agency I used required an adult guarantor for our safety; while most parents were reluctant to bear the responsibility, luckily my father was willing to assist me. Twenty-five classmates participated, but it was hard to get their agreement with the travel route, which had to be discussed again and again. And the dietary restrictions of certain minority ethnic groups needed to be considered when I ordered meals. Also, I was worried about how to ensure everyone's safety in a strange city for five days. A winter camp experience reminded me of the efficiency of delegation, so I divided my classmates into several groups and assigned captains, whose duty was to help solve problems for their groups or report to me if they couldn't figure something out. Meanwhile I still focused on my studies, seizing every chance to memorize one more vocabulary word, because I knew I had to efficiently manage my time in order to both accomplish the travel plans and keep my grades up.

As I stood at Beijing Airport gate after the four-hour flight, it was all familiar since I had been there three times. Yet it was definitely the most exhilarating one because of the excitement from my classmates around me. The time passed quickly as good times always do, and everyone had so much fun. Although I was preoccupied with various trivialities such as counting people before and after every event, I still felt completely satisfied and enjoyed because I knew my efforts made it happen.

This life-changing experience empowered me and taught me the value of detailed preparation. My organization and administration skills were applauded by people who doubted me. Since then, whenever there was an accident, my classmates always turned to me for help because they thought I was capable--in fact, I was just well-prepared.
ubchiu   
Nov 14, 2011
Undergraduate / UC prompt #2 my empathetic nature [4]

Hi:)
I think overall it's a good essay and I can tell how kind you are in real life.
But I think an example of your own personal experience will help others understand how you learned the lesson and changed to who you are today, instead of just saying that you know from your personal experience. For example, when you say you got judged just cuz you disagreed w/ their opinions..you can use a specific example explaining how and why you disagree with their opinions on what issues..in this way, readers can tell your disagreement was actually the right side.

Good luck :)
ubchiu   
Nov 14, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Soccer and school' - UC Personal Statement Prompts [2]

both of your essays talk about soccer..i think you can talk about different things about yourself with the given opportunities. In this way, school can know more aspects about you as a well-rounded person.
ubchiu   
Nov 14, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Volunteering at the National Institutes of Health' - UC talent, quality [5]

Hi overall it s an excellent essay! I can picture a person with various abilities and kindness.
However, I would like to know what you have done in NIH. Maybe just a short, but elaborated example that can help readers see what was your role in NIH.

hmm just some personal opinion.

GOOD JOB! AND GOOD LUCK!

P.s. can you just have a look of my essay please and leave some comments please..thanks!
ubchiu   
Nov 27, 2011
Undergraduate / UC#1. Aspirations from my "geek" cousin. [3]

Hi this is the essay of UC prompt #1. 【UC1】1. Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. PLEASE give it a look and leave your comment and suggestion. Any thought will be appreciated a lot!! THANK YOU!!

When I watched the Big Bang Theory for the first time, my first thought was if it was looking for an Asian actor to join the "Geeks" crew, my cousin would be the one. I've learnt countless knowledge on many aspects from him who is crazy about rock music, numbers and America.

As long as I can remember, my cousin's shelves are filled with CD's of mostly rock music. From the 4th grade, he introduced the Beatles to me which brought me to the world of the songs in English. Although I couldn't entirely understand the meaning of the songs, they started to depict an unfamiliar Western world for me. My cousin also took me to different places to look for CD's, and played the guitar and the drum for me. Led by him, I gradually understood the encouraging spirit that the songs expressed. As my sense for music grew shaper, a seed of desiring to see the nation full of freedom and opportunities was planted in my young mind.

My cousin has been my idol in academics as well. Although he has been busy preparing applications for top American business schools, he's always willing to share the skills of learning with me such as suitable methods for individuals. Moreover, I'm moved by his passion of learning. Working in Wall Street is my cousin's ultimate goal which inspires him to devote his life in dealing with numbers as an accountant. He attained various qualifications and is now employed by PricewaterhouseCoopers. But as he taught me, people should utilize their learnt skills to the fullest extent. A high salary job wouldn't stop him from achieving more knowledge. Influenced by him, the seed in my mind was nurtured throughout my teen years.

Eventually, supported by my parents, I decided to take a step before my cousin. In the three years I spent in America, I realized how much my cousin had given me. I was able to make friends with local students easily with the help of my knowledge of music. In academics, I quickly discovered an efficient study method to adapt to a totally different education system. Thanks to my cousin and parents, I am now successfully half-grown. Then I will equip myself with what I've learned from my cousin, and continue to maximize the usefulness of studying in our dream lands.
ubchiu   
Nov 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Huzhou, Shanghai, and California's Bay Area' - UC PS1 [9]

just some small suggestions, might not be right tho.
-is tied up
-"when I officially became a teenager" the word officially seemed a bit weird to me...does that mean you grew up unofficially for some time?

-"Step on same the same land as Huzhou" I don't get this...maybe some typo here?
-The economy is a global issue; the
-"my duty to people all over the world" did you miss a word before "people"?
-i don't think eagerness and ambition are countable which means probably you can't use a and an before them...
-there is some inconsistency in tense throughout the essay. read it out loud..it helps you realize what doesn't sound right.

overall i like the idea of connecting three cities you've live in and the comparison of their economy statues. sooo just some small things.

GOOD JOB and GOOD LUCK :)

please help me go over my uc#1 essay too :) thanks!
ubchiu   
Dec 11, 2011
Undergraduate / UofRochester "Ever Better"-I locked myself in a locker [4]

University of Rochester-Meliora: 'Ever better' - The University's motto, Meliora, directs our focus toward continual improvement through research, understanding, and collaborative efforts. Offer an example from your personal experience of an obstacle you faced or a problem you identified. Describe the actions you took and the result.

After vigorously pushing the door, I thought the locker would be my tomb. I locked myself in a locker because I was curious about if I could fit in. Sweating on my back, I forced myself to calm down and recall if people could open a locker when it was not locked. YES! Then how did the lock work? I lightened the darkness with my cell-phone's screen. Since my body couldn't bend over, I barely touched the lock and pulled it into different directions. Following by a clear sound, I finally saw the brightness again. However, I won't give up exploring my curiosity, yet I learned a better way of approaching. Instead of reckless trying, deep consideration and careful research should take the first step.

There is a 125 words limit...so it's really hard to squeeze all the details and my emotion changes into the paragraph...I've tried. Anyways, any comments and suggestions will be much appreciated. Thanks so much in advance!!
ubchiu   
Dec 11, 2011
Undergraduate / UofRochester "Ever Better"-I locked myself in a locker [4]

haha that was exactly how I felt then...

yeaa I found the end really weird and tried to rephrase it...but i've been staring at it for hours...and no good idea came out..i'll try to get back to it later i guess.

Thank you so much for pointing that out!!
ubchiu   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Emory Supplement Essay - "A New Adventure" [4]

it's great!! it has examples of every aspect you talk about and it flows really well. i like it!!

oh yea I agree the point from worried26. at least you should mention Emory College/Oxford or both. ( im assuming only Emory College..haha)
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