Undergraduate / 'New York City Experience' - UC Prompt #2 [6]

Hello, i need suggestions as to how i can make my essay better! I am open to any opinions & criticism is welcome! THANK YOU!

PROMT #2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

There I was in the middle of it all; bright lights that illuminated the sky almost like a thick blanket covering the stars, forests of buildings that towered over me, and millions of people walking quickly in every direction comparable to ants after disturbing their anthill. I was 2654 miles away from the lifeless desert town that a called home and in the center of America's Mecca captivated by it all. I was in New York City.

Months ago I was invited by the Universal Cheer Association to perform in the 85th annual Macy's Thanksgiving Parade in New York City. Although I was excited it didn't register until I awoke to the sound of the flight attendant saying we were about to descend into the JFK airport. I looked out the window and saw nothing but buildings protruding from the earth and into the sky. It was unlike anything I ever seen. After hours of daily rehearsal we were able to explore the city; I walked the overflowing streets of Times Square, got off on the wrong stop on the subway - more than once, and experimented on peculiar food served my street vendors.

On the day of the parade people filled every available space in the streets and sidewalks just to get a view. When we chanted out cheers saying, "We love N-Y-C." the crowed became electrified and chanted the words with us. As I looked into the crowds I took notice that everyone was all so different. Where I am from eighty percent of the town is Hispanic so everyone looked similar. However, in New York there were Indians, Asians, Black and White and everything in between. They all looked so different and yet they were all so similar, they all had depth and substance, which was unlike the type of people I was used to.

My week in New York was like my great awakening. As I looked one last time out the window of the plane it dawned on me that the short time I spent in the surreal city changed me completely. I am now more opened to try new things and if I accidently take a detour, like I did in the subways, I just need to make the best of it.

*******also, any ideas on a title?

Undergraduate / 'sacrifices my dad made' - UC Prompt #1 [2]

Hello, this is my basic rough draft of my application. It needs a lot of work, but i don't know where to begin! I am open to any and all criticism - anything will help! THANK YOU!

PROMPT:Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

It has been said that the surroundings that a person is raised in determines their personality, whether it be positive or negative. In a sense I find this true. I am from El Centro California, a small town near the boarder of Mexico, which was voted the number one worst place to live in America. Everyday I am exposed to the harsh realities of unemployment, teen pregnancy, and poverty. However, my father is my daily reminder of the possibilities I can have to if I don't succumb to the status quo and make a better life for myself.

My father is the most inspiring person I know. He was raised by a single mother in the projects along with his three siblings. While my grandma worked day and night, he was obligated to act as both the mother and father figure in the family as a child. He gave up his summer vacations to do field work to support his family. He knew at a young age that he would have to work hard to make a better future for himself and that he did. He took on the responsibility of both raising me as a single father and working long hours everyday. My favorite memory will always be going to work with him and sitting along side him in his truck while drive thru fields out in the countryside. Years of backbreaking work outside the hot 115 degree sun paid off and he now has a career in agriculture and is a successful business owner.

Although I live in a place where inadequacy is the normal my dad pushed me to get good grades, be involved in school activities, and try the hardest I can. He also opened my eyes to the opportunities outside of El Centro. This has influenced me to work hard and never except anything less than I deserve. I plan to be the first person in my family to go to college and get out of El Centro. I am happy that I was raised here however, it made me the person I am today.