Undergraduate / 'mutualistic symbiotic relationship'- How my unique qualities relate to Upenn/Wharton [5]

Hi everyone,

Came across this forum and after browsing through it for a while, thought it would be useful to consider any additional comments. Hope I can improve on my essay as I really do want to enroll at Penn.

Here's the question: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community? (Please answer in one page, approximately 500 words)

And my draft:

Anemones and clownfish. Egyptian plovers and Nile crocodiles. The pairs enjoy mutualistic symbiotic relationships. I hope to place the University of Pennsylvania and myself under the same category.

What struck me immediately, and deeply, was the university's emphasis on interaction with the wider community, locally and globally. For someone who firmly believes in receiving through giving, activities such as the Guatemala Health Initiative provide ideal platforms to enhance the scope and scale of my contribution to society. The Academically Based Community Service programme presents an excellent avenue to assist the Philadelphia community, in addition to enriching my native experiences. In organizing visits to Old Folks' Homes during National Service in the military, I wanted to create opportunities for my subordinates to appreciate the understated gratification of helping the needy. I believe my inclination to take initiative in formulating such civic-minded projects would prove useful in implementing novel ideas for community service.

I yearn to belong within a salad bowl. My wish coincides with two distinctive traits of Penn: diversity and a strong community culture. The ability to converse fluently in a third language (Malay) conveys my inherent love for other customs. Through peers from 106 countries, I hope to gain intriguing insights into unique heritages. Multifarious student groups will mould me into a more wholesome personality: soccer feeds my sporting passion, while the Social Planning and Events Committee allows me to sharpen my management skills. In addition, SPEC serves to highlight one of my characteristics: taking pleasure in bringing people together. In merging the post-promenade parties for three colleges during high school, I reaped economies of scale and reinforced my passion for entrepreneurship; more crucially, however, I derived meaning from witnessing the union and camaraderie among strangers. I aspire to channel my enthusiasm for promoting social cohesion through SPEC, thus playing a part in sustaining Penn's closely-knitted community.

Steve Jobs' famous pursuits in calligraphy inspire me. I seek excitement and vibrancy in my education, and Wharton offers the flexible curriculum required to pursue an unconventional route and discover my niche. Creating individualised concentrations and taking classes from twelve schools enable me to carve a path away from conformity.

Personally, the main draw to Wharton is Management 100. I particularly like how it encourages rapport building within groups while providing a platform to transfer classroom knowledge into practical results. I wish to value-add to Wharton through my desire to be a Team Adviser. This is similar to my facilitator role when I co-organized a leadership camp for college juniors, after previously being a participant. I felt a great sense of fulfilment through influencing others positively via my unique experiences and perspectives.

Management 100 possesses the ingredients to augment my experiences and knowledge accumulated as an intern with SPRING Singapore, the national standards and accreditation body which develops entrepreneurship and SMEs. My stint in SPRING enables me to provide a distinct Asian business context, a nice complement to the diverse flavour of Wharton.

Rather than being unilateral, effective education flows both ways. It would count as a massive achievement for me to attain the chance to harness reciprocal synergy with and in Penn.

Once again, I do appreciate any comments or suggestions. Hope everyone's application is going along well too! (:

Undergraduate / University of Michigan: How Ross is a good fit for me, just like a McSpicy [NEW]

Hi,

Here is my supplement for Ross School of Business within the University of Michigan. I would really welcome any feedback and/or constructive criticism.

anddd, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!! (:

Question: Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum)

I bit a slice of Kentucky Chicken. Although it tasted nice, I was not satisfied. I then munched on a Whooper burger. A delicious treat. However, I was not convinced. Finally I savored the taste of a McSpicy burger.

As the heavenly flavor of the luscious cutlet attacked my eager taste buds, I knew I had found what I wanted.
Ross School of Business is my McSpicy.

What struck me immediately, and deeply, was Ross's emphasis on action-based learning. Vibrancy and excitement are crucial elements for my progress, and Ross provides the hands-on and dynamic curriculum which will aid me in discovering my niche. The Summer Action Learning Program in Consulting furnishes an excellent avenue to transform classroom knowledge into practical results, while enhancing my experiences as an intern with SPRING Singapore, the national standards and accreditation body which develops entrepreneurship and SMEs. While with SPRING, I discovered my penchant for active learning, and acquired the know-how of achieving synergy through building rapport within groups. The prospect of immersing within the Winter Garden and exploring the unique configuration of Ross's classrooms entices me greatly.

The SPRING internship re-affirmed my passion for entrepreneurship by unveiling the opportunities and possibilities it offers. In high school, I executed an original idea to integrate the post-promenade parties of three schools. Besides benefitting from economies of scale and scope, I learnt the importance of networking and effective communication through liaising with the schools. I yearn to sharpen my business acumen via the innovative real-world syllabuses at the Zell Lurie Institute, and hope to take courses such as Persuasive Management Communication and Competitive Tactics to augment my past experiences in addition to assimilating fresh perspectives.

As someone who believes in learning from everyone and anyone, I particularly desire to attend Ross's Entrepalooza event. The flourishing exchange of ideas and innovations between present and future business leaders would serve as an inspiration to me.

"Be a leader, not a boss." I cherish these words from my uncle. Leadership is something I hold dear; it forms an integral core of my ambitions and principles. Naturally, an education seeped in leadership development appeals to me, and Ross administers precisely that with programs such as the Ross Leadership Initiative. Just as being a military officer during National Service requires me to make effective decisions, success in the competitive business world depends on the ability to think logically and concisely. I often had to influence and motivate my teammates as captain of my school's soccer team, while convincing partners to share visions is a facet of business. These personal experiences demonstrate that leadership qualities are critical tools in business. Thus, I admire Ross for being able to prepare its students adequately to engage a business landscape which covets pioneers with direction and foresight.

With the fusion of my preferred teaching style and the focus on leadership, I wish to grow into a more wholesome character at Ross. Indeed, I hope to stand at Ross next year and shout: "I'm lovin' it!"

Good luck everyone with your respective applications! (: