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Posts by RGarvey
Joined: Dec 19, 2011
Last Post: Dec 26, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 8  
From: Jamaica

Displayed posts: 10
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RGarvey   
Dec 19, 2011
Undergraduate / 'This triple victory in soccer' - achievement, risk [3]

This is from CommonApp; Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I have been playing soccer from the age of five, and overtime I have developed an immense passion; love for the beautiful game. Since then I have represented Stella Maris Preparatory School, Ardenne High School and Meadhaven United FC in competition. Playing soccer was originally meant to be only an activity where I could release some energy and have a good time. However, that soon changed as I was a very competitive child. Although it still brought me enjoyment, I also developed a hunger for winning.

Unfortunately, that hunger went unsatisfied throughout the years I spent representing each of the three teams, as I was unable to win a title. All I had left was one final year of high school soccer, and I had a strong desire to put my hands on the Manning Cup trophy and call myself a champion.

I had always been a fan of the style of play of the St. George's College Manning Cup Team and had always admired the impressive reputation of their team and coach. This, coupled with my desire for a change in academic environment, was what pushed me to my decision to transfer to St. George's College. I was confident that they would accept me into their 6th form program as I performed well in both my CSEC and CAPE examinations. Because of this, my focus was now on soccer alone. I started training in late June and I worked as hard as I could in each training session. I was one of the few outsiders trying to join the team but the players did a good job in making me feel welcome. Every one worked hard during the summer in an attempt to earn a spot in the starting line-up in September. I was successful in doing this and was able to maintain my spot throughout the competition.

The competition was a competitive one, with many schools striving to win. Many persons believed that our team could not have won because the average age of the team was relatively young. However, the quality of our overall squad and our hunger to win was too great for our opponents; and we proved these persons wrong as we captured all three titles. We were crowned the 2011 Manning Cup, Walker Cup and Olivier shield champions.

This triple victory has only positively impacted my life. I now feel much more confident that I will get an opportunity to further my education at a highly rated tertiary institution abroad as I have received a lot of positive feedback from scouts. However, the most significant impact this has had on me is the development of the appreciation I now have for hard work. I agree entirely with Pele who stated: "Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do."
RGarvey   
Dec 19, 2011
Student Talk / English writer books recommendation for language learning [7]

I'm not sure about magazines but I think that books would be a better way to improve. I recommend Enid Blyton. She's a good writer and her books are interesting but not too complex so they can be a good way to learn more about the language.

With more reading you should be able to score higher when and if you resit the TOEFL.

You're Welcome!
RGarvey   
Dec 19, 2011
Undergraduate / roommate / intellectual / what matters - Stanford supplement essays [7]

Roommate Essay:
I can see that your writing is actually pretty good and that you're smart.
I see that you're providing information about yourself while speaking about what you two will do together.
However, I think you should focus on writing more about you than about you and your future roommate.

Intellectual Vitality Essay:
I like this essay and don't have much to say about it. Only thing is that I don't like that you said it was 'finally perfect'.

Hopefully someone else will critique it and have more to say in the near future.

What Matters Most Essay:
I don't think you answered the question. What matters to you ? Childhood ?
Reanalyze the question and see if you think you answered it appropriately.

Reading your essays really helped me as I am applying to Stanford as well. Hopefully I will be finished writing these three essays by Wednesday and I would appreciate if you commented on them.

You're welcome! :)
RGarvey   
Dec 19, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Iqbal's story' - Spanish native speaker but I am applying for a US college [10]

Hello, thanks for your help on my essay. :)

I'll return the favor:

I agree because whilst reading one can see realities one did not know existed - I did some research on the use of whilst vs while and the internet source stated that although they are interchangeable in meaning, 'whilst' has not survived in standard American English. I recommend that you change it to while. You can double check this if you wish.

As I read those pages, I proved how mean it can be - I would recommend that you change this to: 'It was when I read those pages that I realized how mean it can be'.

We have the power of change - That should be 'We have the power to change'.

Hope is the power of the world. We all have that power. - Combine these sentences.

This book changed me because it empowered me. It made me believe change depends on you - 'This book changed me by empowering me; it made me believe that change depends on you.'

I also agree with Shubhangi Sinha and think that you should separate the last paragraph into two paragraphs.

I really like this essay, it's really deep. Keep up the good work :)
RGarvey   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'multiple times' + 'raised in Jamaica' + 'strenuous exercise' Stanford Supplements [6]

I need help with all three of these essays please! I want to hear all opinions, harsh comments, etc.
It would be much appreciated!


Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

I was warned not once nor twice, but multiple times. I thought I understood my body, but clearly I didn't. Now, my shoulders pain and I can barely lift my arms or even move them. It was my first time registering for a gym and I felt elated when I first set foot inside; ready to embark on a muscle building journey. I spoke to the instructor after warming up and he told me to complete 100 pushups. He said it as if it was a small number, but I wasn't shocked because I didn't think it was much either. I comfortably and quickly did 20, thinking I was well on my way. Before I did any more he instructed me to do them slower. I thought that it couldn't be much harder and continued. To my surprise, I was struggling before even reaching the half way mark. It was when I reached 60 that I couldn't do more than one at a time; and when I reached 68 that I couldn't do anymore. However, this wasn't near what my mind was saying but was exactly what my body was screaming. I was convinced that I could complete the total 100 pushups and so I tried for another 20 minutes in which I couldn't even complete another one. I felt compelled to stop there and move on. I left the gym with my arms like noodles; not even the slightest amount of strength in them. It was the morning after that the gruesome pain presented itself. Growing through primary and high school we were taught that 'What the mind can conceive, the body can achieve'. Up until this week I had never analyzed this statement, I understood it as simply as it appeared. I didn't realize that even though you can accomplish something if you believe you can, it takes work. You can't reach to the top of a ladder without climbing its steps, and this is a life lesson I can boast that I learned from experience. It's only a pity that I've yet to set foot in the gym a second time. I should be there next week though, with a better mind set of course.

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Dear Future Roommate,

It's nice that I get to write to you before we meet. I am Richard Garvey and was born and raised in Jamaica. I expect that you'll be from another country so it might be a bit difficult for you to understand my accent. You'll get used to it though. I am really looking forward to living with someone my age and am almost certain we're going to get along. I'm a soccer fanatic and so most times you see me I'll be with or around a soccer ball. I also have a passion for sports in general and am a very competitive person. I don't compete for bragging rights though, just for the fun of it. Therefore you should expect that I'm not a sore winner but can sometimes be a sore loser, but I'm sure you'll warm up to me. I am also a very opinionated person so I'm sure we'll enjoy some heated debates. I am open to knowledge, so I'm sure I'll be able to learn from you and hopefully share in your interests too. When you see me, there is a very high chance that there will be a smile on my face because I smile a lot. Others try to convince me that I'm an attention seeking person, but I disagree. I just like to make everyone and anyone around me smile. Everything, of course, won't be so peachy because we are humans and we will have differences. However, we should be able to learn to resolve our conflicts and live together comfortably. One thing that is notable about me is that I like to take charge and be in control. If you're submissive then we shouldn't have any problems, but if we have similar personalities, we'll have to find some mutual ground. One thing that isn't debatable however is that the room has to always be neat and clean. I predict that this will be a wonderful and educational experience. I hope you are equally enthusiastic about having a roommate. I am looking forward to our laughs and struggles; our ups and downs; our time together.

Yours truly,
Richard Garvey.

What matters to you, and why?

Learning to walk as a baby had to be a strenuous exercise. Every time you fell you'd have to get up and try again. Being only a baby, would that be possible without the help of someone else? My family has always been there for me and although sometimes I think I don't need them anymore, I know that they are still helping me up when I'm down. As I grow older, I'm sure it gets more difficult, but I now have friends to help provide assistance. I love and appreciate everyone around me and wouldn't want them to be any different.

Almost all my life I've been playing soccer. It has grown to be a part of me and has reserved a spot in my heart. It has always been such a significant part of my life and I don't know what life would be like without it. Furthermore, I have managed to maintain a high standard academically through hard work and still perform at a high level in soccer. It is one of my admirable qualities and has inspired others. My future is also very important to me and helps to motivate me to work hard everyday. All these things and many others are a big part of my life.

I always imagine what it would be like if I lived in a big house, with my parents driving top-class cars; a life where we only dined on the finest of foods with the latest technological equipment available instantaneously. This life may seem like the dream life, but I would never trade my life for a life like this; simply because I am happy. I wouldn't want my life to be any different. All these things matter to me and are important in my life for the sole broad reason that they make me happy. Happiness is what makes me want to wake up every morning and drives me to most of my achievements. Smiles, laughter and happiness in general are believed to be contagious; and so it is nice that I am able to give back by instilling happiness into all persons that surround me.

Thank you!
RGarvey   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'hope you have a relaxing year ahead' - Stanford- Future Roommate [13]

Thanks for your help with my essay!

I love this essay! It's simple and nice.

I only think you should add a little bit more about your interests that aren't related to your heritage.

I really like the words to that song so I'm going to look it up. :)
RGarvey   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / "Who am I?" - Common App Essay [28]

My Comments:
1. Roark is an innovative genius who is always finds himself - who always..
2. It seems a bit too long but I'm not sure.

Other Comments:
Now what I don't understand is how you expect this to get any better.
This is amazing! WOW!

Keep it up!
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