Writing Feedback / Paragraph Structure - Two Options - what is best or maybe propose a third? [2]

In many languages, the basic unit of cotent is the paragraph. A paragraph includes certain sentences which are arranged together. A subject sentence mainly comes at the starting of a paragraph or it is commonly the first line in any paragraph. Not only is a subject sentence the first sentence of a paragraph, but also, it is the most natural sentence of the paragraph, means that not many details are there in this sentence, but that the sentence shows an overall idea that is to be discussed later in the paragraph.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - People work to earn money to have welfare [3]

To catch the idea why the organization works and how you can use that info to your advantage of earning money, you must first capture the working point, how CEO's, Presidents, VPs, managers, and supervisors act and think. When it comes to these people, they consider only two things :- self-preservation and self-promotion. So learn your responsibilities and then earn more money because people trust people who can get the job done.

Speeches / 'the Boston police arrested 4 drunken teenagers' - High school 2mins short speech [4]

I think your suggestions are really helpful for all the readers.

Writing Feedback / Over eating can be as harmful as smoking? [7]

Nice essay. But in my opinion, the habit and addiction of smoking is undeniable. When a person is trying to quit smoking and at the same time, trying to refrain from overeating - the nervousness, the jitters, the crabbiness, will drive a person to either eat or smoke.

Writing Feedback / ...a still life water color; I too would like to live to be 92 years old [9]

Nice essay, Rajiv. Its very encouraging for those guys who don't respect their grandparents. [suspended for spamming]