Essays / Confusion about UC prompt #1, any additional examples? [5]

Hi,
I was confused the part where it says "describe the world you come from..."

What are some other examples besides family, community, or school?

Thanks for the help

Undergraduate / The Real Estate World - UC Undergraduate Prompt#1 [3]

Hey,

I just wanted to get some feedback on this, it is very rough, but I half to start somewhere.

Thanks

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

The world I come from is Real Estate. Growing up and looking at houses was so fun for me, while my brother whined about going home and playing video games. Most times, my parents would take us to Toysr'us to buy us toys prior to the long journey. One time, I remember we went shopping for a toy and I couldn't decide what cabbage patch doll I should choose. The top contenders were between the one who eats, name Brittany, and another one who plays and name was Rachel. In the end I chose Brittany, but it was a hard decision. Now Brittany and I were ready to go look at houses with my parents. I was always the first one upstairs frantically searching each of the bedrooms seeing which one was destined to be mine. Once I found the one I liked I would go find my parents to tell them hurry and come look at the bedroom I picked out. I don't know how many rooms I claimed to be mine through out the various houses we previewed, but it taught me to live in the moment and to dream.

For my 17th birthday, my dad presented me with Real Estate classes, so I could earn my real estate license. My friends were shocked, but I was ecstatic. Recently I have been tailing along with my dad on broker caravans where Real Estate Agents and me preview the new homes that are on the market. When looking at these residences I soak up everything in eyesight. Now, instead of saying which room would be mine, I would think if I could work hard enough I could own an estate like this when I get older. One house in particular really caught my attention in the convent on the Rancho Santa Fe golf course. It was my dream house; I knew then that I could never settle for less. Some might think that I am materialistic, but why can't I look forward to something nice in life.

Being born into a family with my dad as a real estate broker and his girlfriend owning a real estate company has made me realize why I want to get my degree inn business. I love the art of negotiating deals; it's a high for me. My world has laid a foundation for my career, my family, and my future.(398)

Undergraduate / Growing up knowing I had Transcobalmin II was a little alienating - essay about determination [3]

Hi there,

I just wanted to see:

~if the content was good, interesting
~if i answered the questions
~what grammatical errors it has.
~suggestions

Reviews are greatly appreciated.

Thanks
Danielle3

Prompt #2 (all applicants)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Growing up knowing I had Transcobalmin II deficiency was a little alienating. I wasn't really handicapped; I just didn't process vitamin B-12 through foods or pills. It was not a random fact I would come out and say because people get a little freaked out by this, since I was different. The disease scheduled my life; I would have to give myself injections of vitamin B-12 for the rest of my life. Since I was young, this seemed horrible and I just wanted to give up on living. From the exterior I was a happy child, but on the inside, I felt that life was taking advantage of me.

Sixth grade arrived, homework started getting harder, but it was bearable. One night I was working on homework and my vision got blurry and then I started moving uncontrollably. This resulted in me getting admitted to Children's Hospital. What else could go wrong with me, I felt as if God made life extra hard on me. Shouldn't life be fun and easy? I was in the hospital for awhile and had a lot of thinking time as well. I had now lost my vocabulary except for the basic words and could not write nor walk. I was stuck. One day as I sat in the hospital bed, there was this moment where my outlook on life changed.

"I am responsible for my future, so I might as well make the best out of it," I recited to myself over and over again. I was now determined to get my vocabulary, writing skills, and stride back. The positive attitude must have done something because the doctor figured out that I just needed to have more vitamin B-12 in my system. I was so thankful for this discovery because now I was finally on the road to recovery. The first thing that popped up in my mind when they gave me the news was: when can I go back to school? The thought of me being made fun did not even occur to me, I was determined to educate myself and live life to the fullest.

Vaccinating myself three times a week is nothing compared to some people's medical treatment routines, so I was appreciative. The side affects of my stroke would soon go away with hard work and before I knew it I was in high school. I was a transformed girl who now knew what she wanted out of life and wanted to lead by example. I used my new found perseverance to get what I desired out of high school and didn't let anyone stand in my way. One thing I did was join the Associated Student Body to lead my peers and allow them to have a voice. Sometimes it was tough though because after my stroke my motor skills were not as fast, meaning it took a little longer to do things and I had to work twice as hard as everyone else, but in the end my willpower got me through the hard times.

Noticing myself mature is such a gratifying experience. I am proud to have uncovered this quality of mine so I can keep living, learning, and prospering for the years to come. As I look back at my childhood, I wonder how I would have achieved my dreams and goals for my future with out my new found determination. Now I am living life and life is not living me.

Faq, Help / How do you edit your post? [13]

Do not "bump" or reply to your own unanswered topics (use the Edit function instead, if needed).
That was displayed in a red box, but I don't know how to edit.

Where is the edit function? I do not see it.
Can I edit my title?

Thanks
Danielle