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Posts by stars93
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Last Post: Dec 31, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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stars93   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'not aware of the responsibility' - Common App Short Answer about volunteering [3]

Hi,
I wrote an essay about my volunteering experience.
I have worked on it for hours and I hope you all like them.
Please be generous to make criticisms because I need them.
Thank you in advance.

Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 characters)

Simply signing up because of my counselor's suggestion, I was not aware of the responsibility that followed the duty as a member of California Scholarship Federation. After school, I went to ROCK, Reaching Out, Challenging Kids, to help the people who need to raise their grades up to be legible for school activities. Seeing them working after school everyday, I decided to help them the best way I can so that they can enjoy their high school years to the fullest. At first, I was anxious due to my verbal limitation. However, giving explanations of simple algebraic problems and getting to know more of my peers gradually resulted in a sense of achievement and a great boost of confidence in myself. Many times I see my friends whom I worked with, enjoying their time on the dance floor and cheering with their hearts out in the football field. Those moments make all the hours that I spent in the classroom worth my time, and I hope to continue to witness that I can be a great help to others.
stars93   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'most alarm clocks would stop' - Common App Essay [4]

This essay will undoubtedly emphasize you uniqueness. Lovely details to grab people's attention. I definitely like how you approach your interest in becoming roboticist.
stars93   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a gateway to my future; what could I ask for more?' - Northwestern university [2]

Hi, I am an international student applying northwestern with engineering major.
My English isn't perfect so there may be some or many grammatical mistakes throughout.
Please criticize me all you want. I would really appreciate your help.
Thank you!!

What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Ranked number 13 in the nation, Northwestern University, to me, is more than just a number. It is a gateway to my future. Ever since I moved to America, I have constantly reminded myself "California is not the whole representation of America." I am growing anxious to explore something new and "American": different people, suburban setting, historically renowned city, or simply put, Chicago. However, I did not have the luxury to do this because of financial difficulties. Facing the biggest transition of my life, I find this moment a great opportunity to quench my curiosity. Located in close proximity to the downtown, Evanston possesses both the vibrancy of the city and tranquility of a small college town; thereby providing perfect location for me.

The prominent reason why I choose engineering over mathematics in the first place is because I am totally mesmerized by its limitless applications. Northwestern engineering department definitely acknowledges this and tries to make full use of students' knowledge outside of the institute. By directly connecting students and clients, The McCormick School of Engineering's Co-op programs provide its students vital experiences which is one thing that can no be taught in the classroom. For a future engineer who strives to make a sustainable world, McCormick's commitment to produce better people before making engineers seemed identical to my ultimate goal of making world a better place. Whether it be creating sustainable water solutions for a Honduran village or building water pumps in Phillipines, I am overly excited to be able to apply my knowledge to help those in need. Moreover, Northwestern itself sets a great example for the students by employing the "green power," demonstrating that the commitment is an act not a word. Such action gave me the impression of how McCormick's ideal is embodied by the whole university, not just the engineering department.

The Wildcat is perfect embodiment of Northwestern University. The liveliness of student body matches the ferocity but also the delicacy of wildcats. Not to mention prestigious athletic programs and variety of intramural teams, the undergraduates continue many interesting and very unique traditions in the campus: Painting The Rock to advertise campus organizations, Primal Scream to keep their morale high before excruciating finals week, dance marathon to raise millions of dollars for various charities, and Dillo day to put all the work aside momentarily and fully enjoy the university. Such vitality and uniqueness within the campus differentiates Northwestern from all the other top universities. Excellency in academics, phenomenal college town, great energy of wildcats: What could I ask for more?
stars93   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the local community garden' - CommonApp Extracurricular Activity [6]

I feel like you talk too much about what you did but not really about what you obtained from this experience.
I know the word limits are pain in the ass but I suggest that you cut down a bit about what you did and talk more about how it was both "liberating and rewarding," and

how will you utilize this experience in the future.
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