Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by aram3
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Last Post: Jan 2, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
From: Barbados

Displayed posts: 7
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aram3   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Diversity has always been familiar to me' - Penn community [4]

The prompt is :Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community? 500 words

As a Caribbean individual, diversity of race, socio-economic status, class, religion and ideology has always been familiar to me. Growing up in a multicultural society, I have learnt the immense importance of respecting the different values, beliefs, traditions, and general ways of life of different groups. Every day I have the privilege of tasting diversity, literally. Creole food has become a part of almost every meal, Indian dishes are made all throughout the year and Chinese restaurants are available on almost every corner. Even though we all stem from a colonial past with much strife and hardship, in the Caribbean food is what can bring us together, no matter the occasion or our differences we can all relate because of our passion for food.

There's a Trinidadian saying that it takes a whole village to raise a child and in my case, it is most certainly true. Most of my neighbours don't even have a college degree but they taught me the most basic values that have gotten me through life thus far. Growing up in a multicultural community, I have learnt the immense importance of respecting the different values, beliefs, traditions, and general ways of life of different groups. It was in my simple village I learnt the true meaning of community despite differences, unity despite diversity. These are the messages that I hope to bring to camps life. It was here that I was given the opportunity to strive for excellence in my academic life, without fear of failure. I learnt to become a well organized, driven and all rounded individual.

Growing up in my village and in a small Caribbean island I have always understood the importance of interacting with others and appreciating a way of life other than your own. This belief and knowledge was strengthened when I attended the Global Young Leaders Conference in 2009. I believe that I will be able use my cultural background and values to the become member of the tightly knit UPenn society - one which prides itself on diversity and understanding.

As I did research on the UPenn community, I was delighted that such diversity and tolerance amongst differences could be found here. I wish to share my knowledge of diversity and my Caribbean perspective to the already culturally rich campus and help preserve the all roundedness of the student population which makes UPenn a great place not to only study, but to learn, play, live and call home.

As an applicant to The School of Engineering and Applied Science to the bioengineering department, the opportunities to learn from UPenn are innumerable. It would be a great privilege to hear the "The Red and Blue" sung at the end of convocation.
aram3   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / I was slightly discouraged; UVA - what has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you [7]

hi, this is a really good essay. i like the fact that you started with a quotation from the former student saying that chem was so hard and how much more work it was however, i think you spent alot of time talking about how hard chemistry was, but not so much on how you mastered it. why did you decide to keep at it? what about chemistry was so interesting that you didnt drop it like your counselor suggested?

wishing you best of luck! hope this helps! :)

i just posted an essay and i would appreciate any feedback you can give me as well!

thanks
aram3   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my first multi-pitch climb' - Why Swarthmore? Supplement [6]

very well written, i really liked your essay espescially how you tied your "climberitis" at the beginning and end! i like your definition of Climberitis too! i agree with needs_advice on changing the start of your last paragraph, however, it sounds great!

i just posted an essay, if you have time can you please check it out and give comments?

thanks alot!
aram3   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'A student, not an athlete' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality Essay [9]

i like the tone of your essay, its serious and whimsical at the same time. i think you need to be a little clearer about what you're going to do at college. if you're not going as an athlete but as a student or even both, you need to talk more about why going as a student is also important and is now your new dream. i understand soccer was and still important to you but if college is your new dream, you should expand a bit more.

wishing you best of luck. Hope this helps!

i just posted an essay, if you have time can you please review and give feedback!

Thanks alot!
aram3   
Jan 2, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Duke supports their Sport clubs' - Duke Essay [6]

i like the idea of your second half of your essay where you say you've seen parts of the world and want to change what you can.

the second and third paragraph of your essay is more personal and relatable. it speaks of your passion for being in the world and making a difference. in the first paragraph you almost made the link saying that duke is involved in the world but for most of that paragraph you spoke of sports. how is duke involved with the world? i think you need to make the link better.

Hope this helps! :)

Good luck!!!!!
aram3   
Jan 2, 2012
Undergraduate / 'getting a distinction in both courses' - Meliora [6]

PROMPT :
Meliora: 'Ever better' - The University's motto, Meliora, directs our focus toward continual improvement through research, understanding, and collaborative efforts. Offer an example from your personal experience of an obstacle you faced or a problem you identified. Describe the actions you took and the result(1000 characters with spaces)

Writing essays was never my favorite thing. As a student of science, my brain worked with numbers and equations rather than words. But having to write my CAPE exams, one of the compulsory topics were Caribbean and Communication studies. I felt lost at the start of the term wondering, how I was ever going to pass these examination on my own.

Being an organized person and unsure of these subjects, I needed to start early. I knew that it would be an uphill battle for with exams looming within a year, I made a plan. I had three older sisters and I scheduled their time too. I wrote essays using old test papers and let my sisters grade them. At first I was terrible but with practice, I improved. My biggest accomplishment was getting a distinction in both courses. I got so adept that I was able to write all my own college application essays without asking any of my sisters for help. To me, from being such a technical thinking individual to being more all rounded, was a great achievement.
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