Undergraduate / 'My mother is a vivid example' - CommonApp: Significant person [5]

Please read and comment my essay. My deadline for Stonny Brook SUNNY (Feb 15) is approaching, so please reply asap. Thank you very much.

In life, every person needs a guide light to his destination. To me, that guide light is my mother.
My mother is a vivid example of how a strong will can conquer any hardship. Growing up in the middle of the devastating Vietnam War, my mother lived in poverty for the most part of her childhood. To compound her misery, when she was six years old, her father passed away due to a pulmonary disease. His death, however, inspired my mother to cherish her dream of becoming a lifesaver. The road to success is never an easy way. Apart from having to grapple with horrendous famine that occurred frequently, my mother also bore the responsibility of taking care of her younger siblings. But with unflagging effort, she reached her goals and became the first woman in her village to successfully enroll in the Medical University.

Nonetheless, it was not until three years ago that I fully realized my mother's strong will. At that time, I was preparing for the Provincial physics contest. I never had much confidence in my capacity. To me, it seemed like the other candidates were all smarter. The sense of inferiority just beat me right from the very start. I was so daunted and was about to give in. Two weeks before the contest, my father had a car accident. Despite carrying all the burdens on her shoulders, my mother never complained. Even seemingly to collapse at any instant, my mother kept her strong will. She kept telling me that everything would be all right. It was her determination that transformed me completely, made me realize that I was capable of doing much better. From a timid and introverted child who never dared to believe in himself, never musters enough courage to venture into uncharted waters, I have metamorphosed. In those hard-toiling days, I burn the mid-night oil in endeavoring to understand all the convoluted and counter-intuitive concepts. Amazingly, I explored a lot more out of my potential and the result was dazzling. I finally beat 500 candidates to achieve the second place in the Regional contest.

Being inspired by my mother's unswerving and dedication to people less fortunate than herself, I personally feel that I must do something I return for her sacrifice and expectation. The world is still struggling with the dilemma of endemic poverty. People are starving even when there is a surfeit of food in the world and yet we, as egoistic humans, are often fixated on satiating our material need; sometimes callously neglect the plight of others. I dream to be a prominent physicist, using all my power to create many useful inventions that help to deliver food to the poor in any far-flung and secluded corners of this world. Yes, that might seem to be a quixotic and grandiose hope. But my mother has shown me: people would accomplish many great things if we do not consider them impossible.

The limit is 500 words and mine's already reached 489. However, I think that the introductory paragraph is too short and quite boring. Can you guys hep me with that. Also, because the essay will be printed out in a separate sheet of paper when it reaches the admission office, so it's very likely that the adcom can't count the words exactly. So I wonder if I can break the words limit a little.

Best regards,

Undergraduate / 'Applying academic knowledge to reality' - WPI supplement [4]

Hi guys, this is my supplement to WPI. It's due date is FEB 1 but it's encouraged to submit 2 weeks before deadline. So please help me right now.

How did you become interested in WPI? (character limit incl. spaces: 650)

Applying academic knowledge to reality is the most important task of any engineering student. And IQP, among many university science projects, gives me the perfect chance to do so. Captured by the purposefulness of the project, I eagerly browsed through the website and student blogs for more information and couldn't help feeling so lucky having found my ideal school. The WPI's project-based learning can help me enhance creativity in designing electrical circuits. Moreover, focusing on solving real life problems, WPI's four programs will strengthen my knowledge, social skills and therefore, help me to contribute to the community.

Be brutally honest. And please remember the character limit is 650 including spaces.
Best regards,

Undergraduate / 'the essence of studying physics' - future academic interests and attending WPI [3]

This is my essay for scholarship. The deadline is Feb 1. It has no word max or min limit but the space allowed is about 300 words.

Plot: I want to talk about my passion for physics and WPI has very strong projects about applying knowledge to solve real life probs that suits me well. Beside, I'm applying to the electrical engineering department.

It was my 6th grade that for the first time, I found myself engrossed in a textbook rather than a comic. As I flipped through the pages, I was amazed by the immense world of physics. It was the first time that something about, not magic or fantasy, but just figures and concepts really captured my mind.

Over years, as my passion grew, physics gradually attached to my daily life. I often find myself questioning something around - from the light bulbs in my room, to the tiny ones in the night sky. Other time, I would be caught departing something to tinker whatever inside. When a question is answer, many others bloom in my head. As my passion is explicit, it wasn't too hard for me to decide what to major in.

To me, applying my knowledge and understanding to reality is the essence of studying physics. However, it's hard to find a perfect school to successfully offer such programs. I did not think I would find the perfect college for me until I read about WPI. My heart skipped a beat when I first saw the Interactive Qualifying Project. It's even more fascinating having the chance to do so while studying. Not only does the IQP will help me tackle with global-scale problems but also a great preparation for their future career. WPI's emphasis on both theory and practice suits perfectly with my preferred hand-on learning. From the Great Problems Seminars to the Major Qualifying Project, I will have many opportunities to experience many societies and perhaps nations; thus, have a various yet clear vision of my future career.

In four years, I see myself attaining lots of knowledge, taking on new and exciting challenges, discovering new opportunities through WPI's engineering programs and having life-changing experiences in a friendly and responsible environment that will enable me to utilize my talents. I hope to a work closely with my dedicated colleagues, using our expertise, initiative, and ideasto improve the quality of life, particularly by transporting food and other sufficient supply to developing countries.

The bold, italic part is from the website and I don't know how to paraphrase it. So, please help if you can. Every opinion is appreciated.

Best regards,

Scholarship / 'make the world a happier place' - WPI What great world problem would you solve? [3]

Hi everyone, this is my essay for scholarship to WPI. The deadline is Jan 20 but it's a scholarship supp so plz edit asap. I'll try my best to return favor.

1/ Every possible opinions, criticism, idea is appreciated. Details and corrections, suggestions are encouraged.
2/ Make it short and concise as much as possible.
Topic: With unlimited resources, what great world problem would you solve or what new invention would you create?

10 years ago, I visit my mother's home village for the first time on Tet holidays. The trip transformed my life completely. Back then, my uncle was the one that greeted us. Arriving at his house, I was awed by the settings. His house was so small and couldn't even be called disadvantaged. There were no steady chairs to sit and table was only used for greeting guests. However, his family welcomed us with big smiles and warm hugs. While I was staying at the village, my uncle showed me lots of things of the countryside, from the cashew orchards, the rice paddies to the buffalos and many things else that I have never witnessed. The people were friendly and hospitable. However, it was not hard to find a common pattern among them: poverty. (Need description) Witnessing the kids at my ages and even smaller working on the fields in a cold weather in indecent clothes while I was shivering in thick fur made me ashamed of myself. Having been listened to my mother narratives about how poor and harsh life in the countryside was, I have never really had a sense of it until I witnessed it with my own eyes. While I was living in happiness and warmth and kept sniveling my parents for beautiful toys, many children were working their blood and tear off to have an earning. As we traveled through the rice paddies, I also heard about the Vietnamese Famine of 1945 from my uncle. The stories with my witnessing stroke me hard. I was made understood that poverty is a serious problem that need eliminated, not only in Vietnam but also all over the world. I am motivated to take on the task to lessen the gap between poor. With unlimited resources, I can make transporting much easier and thus, decrease significantly the fee, thus, make food and sufficient supply available everywhere in the world. I will devote my life to make the world a happier place where every child can go to school and every person can live in full.

Pay attention to the bold parts please. These are parts that desperately need fixing. If available, you are encouraged to edit it in MS word using TrackChange and send it to my email at: lostboyvt@gmail.com.

Best regards and have a nice day.